


The Striders

by kaybee



Series: A Year In The Life [12]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gun Violence, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Pansexual Character, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaybee/pseuds/kaybee
Summary: Skaia High is full of a strange assortment of characters; the douchebag who plays guitar (badly) to pick up chicks, the 17-year old who still carries around Pokémon cards, but everyone finds him attractive regardless, the girl who became a certified lifeguard at 14, the disguised albino, the girl who’s best friend blinded her in 7th grade, and a myriad of other odd friends. They are slowly finding their way, paving their paths as they grow up. This is a compilation of their stories.========================================================================When you grow up being told that emotion is weakness; caring for others is a weakness, then your first relationships are bound to be messy. Throw in a struggle with sexuality and that is the life of Dave and Dirk Strider.
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Vriska Serket, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: A Year In The Life [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/184442
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	1. Scarred

It was a perfectly warm summer day, just like any other, the heat from the sand on Dave’s skin even through the towel he was laying on. For the last time of the season, he and his brother were spending the day with their cousins, Rose and Roxy, and their friends, John, Jane, Jake, and Jade. Dave smirked as John ate shit in the ocean, having fallen off Jade’s spare surfboard yet again.  
“Pleasant view?” Rose said from beneath her umbrella. Man, she really could be something of a know-it-all. But Dave knew what she was getting at. There was a reason beyond just making fun of him that Dave had been keeping a close eye on John at all.  
“I swear to god, I can feel your smirk on the back of my head,” Dave shot back at her.  
“And here I thought you were over your crush on John.” Fuck, what did she think she was talking about?  
“Okay, what the fuck. I didn’t have a crush on John; I’m not gay.” He definitely never had a crush on John; they were just best friends. John was a fucking dork. Even if Dave was gay, which he wasn’t, John wasn’t his type.  
“And what, then, may I ask, are you watching so intently out there, then?”  
Dave rolled his eyes. He hated when Rose got on her “know-it-all” bullshit. “Jade. Yeah,” he murmured, knowing Rose wouldn’t be convinced. He was hardly convincing himself.  
“You’re a terrible liar. You know that, right?” Dave sighed to himself and twisted around to face Rose, hoping his sunglasses would shield his unsure, frustrated expression from Rose’s judgement.  
“Why do you have to act like you know everything all the goddamn time, Lalonde? Jade’s cute, I could like her.”  
Rose laughed a small laugh, and some trickle of worry turned through Dave. She saw something in him that he had been fighting to suppress. “Dave, you are easier to read than you realize.” Fuck Rose and her psychology nonsense. Dave hated when she tried to analyze him. Mostly because she was usually right. “Do I need to remind you that I have known you for my entire life, and have had the joy of seeing how you interact with others for the last 4 years?” Dave stared blankly, somehow unable to make a snappy retort to her. “I know how people react to unrequited feelings, and I am no stranger to homosexuality, either, if that’s what’s making you uncomfortable in this conversation.”  
It was no mystery that the older Strider/Lalonde siblings were far from straight; Roxy and Bro were both very fluid and Dirk was incredibly homosexual, but Rose and Dave hadn’t really addressed their sexualities. At least, not to each other. “Rose, what the fuck?”  
“It may surprise you to know that I have followed in the footsteps of my sister and older cousins. I have also succumbed to being insufferably gay.” She was trying to make light of it.  
“Are you fucking with me or something?” he asked after a pause.  
“I have to be honest, this isn’t the reaction I expected to receive from coming out to you. Dave, I’m a lesbian.”  
Dave went quiet for a moment. Clearly this wasn’t a problem for her to admit. Did it really matter so much?  
“Shit, okay, so that makes 4 out of 5,” Dave muttered.  
“And as for you?” Rose pressed. Dave really didn’t want to have this conversation. He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be gay, and he couldn’t be weak. That much, Dave knew for sure. He glanced back towards the ocean, where Jade and John were still swimming. There was always…  
“Okay, so… maybe I had a thing for Egbert. But. I don’t know, Rose… it’s weird. He’s my best friend and that was a huge fucking thing going on in my life for like, two years that I couldn’t even tell him about.” Dave thought about Bro for a moment. Even though he wasn’t straight, Bro never explicitly dated people. Not that Dave could remember. It seemed more about physicality with Bro, not emotions. Not affection. Never affection. “It was probably a fuckin’ fluke anyway, just me latching onto someone giving me fuckin’ positive attention because that’s a goddamn anomaly in my life.” Oops. Said too much.  
“Dave, you know none of us are going to think any less of you for not being strictly heterosexual, right?” Rose asked.  
“It’s not…” That wasn’t exactly the problem, but Dave took the out. He knew he couldn’t talk too much about what he was really worried about. “Yeah, of course. I just… I’m still dealing with that myself on a fucking conceptual level.” Relief flooded through Dave as Rose gave a light smile.  
“Fair enough. I won’t push it anymore.”  
Dave took a deep breath and flipped back around to look back at John and Jade in the water, just in time to see John bail off the surfboard again. Dave couldn’t help but laugh. “Should’ve brought my camera. This shit is priceless.” Dave grinned to himself as it looked like John was giving up. He toted Jade’s surfboard back in, retrieved his glasses, and sat down beside Dave. “Good job out there, Egbert. Really. Great work.”  
“Pfft, at least I tried. You too cool to get your ass dunked in the ocean or something?” No. There was more to it. Suffice to say, if Dave got in the water, his cover-up would come off. His scars would show, and that was something he didn’t want his friends to ask him about.  
“Figure there’s enough cool out there. Jade’s cool.”  
“Yeah, I got it.”  
“How’d you say you two were related again?” They did look remarkably similar.  
“We’re not,” John answered. “Our parents grew up together. I guess we used to spend a lot of time together when we were kids, but then her parents… well, I’m not sure what happened to them, really, but she had to move to that crazy island. We used to talk to Pesterchum a lot growing up, but she hardly ever got to visit. Her grandparents finally decided she needed to go to real school this year or something.”  
“Yeah, I know that. She’s been here all summer.”  
“Not that you mind, right?” John nudged Dave with his shoulder. Well, Dave and Jade got along pretty well, actually. Dave thought she was a little weird and quirky at first, but after a few weeks it became kind of endearing. And Dave started to understand her more after she told him and Rose she thought she was aromantic, and that she hadn’t told anyone, so nobody said anything to John. Still, Dave wasn’t sure what John was implying here.  
“What do you mean by that?”  
“Nothing. You just--” John was cut short but the sudden appearance of a volleyball, followed by a short boy who couldn’t have been any older than Dave and John. The problem, however, was that Dave pretty much immediately felt his stomach turning, in the same way he used to feel around John. Dave studied him. He was impossibly light-skinned, with red eyes, which Dave faltered at. He’d never met anyone else with red eyes. Dave stood up and grabbed the volleyball, approaching the new kid. His height was only more noticeable now that Dave was standing up next to him; he only reached Dave’s shoulder, and when Dave looked down at him, he could also notice that the dark brown of his hair was not his natural color. His roots were growing out ever so slightly to a light, light blond, basically white, and he was wearing a disgruntled, grumpy expression.  
“This yours?” Dave asked, indicating the volleyball.  
“Yeah, fuckface, hand it over.” There was a rumbly, sort of gravelly quality to his voice, without it being super low-pitched. He reached to grab the ball out of Dave’s hand, and Dave lifted it up above his head, out of the other boy’s reach.  
“Whoa, you got a temper there,” Dave said, smirking a bit.  
“Look, just stop being a douche and give me the fucking ball back.”  
“Maybe you should stop calling me names, then, shortstack.”  
“David,” Rose chided, “stop teasing the boy.”  
“There’s Rose, thinking she can tell me what to do,” Dave grumbled incoherently under his breath before handing the ball back to this mystery kid.  
“Thanks, David,” he said, clearly noticing that it had irritated Dave.  
“It’s Dave.”  
“Yeah, whatever,” he said, and then ran off immediately. Dave turned back towards Rose.  
“David isn’t even my name. How’d you like it if I called you Rosalind?”  
“Hm. I think there’s an amount of elegance to it, to be honest.” Dave rolled his eyes. “I do hope Roxy isn’t getting the others into too much trouble.” That was true; Roxy, Dirk, Jane, and Jake had gone to get stuff to barbecue and they had been gone for a while, which was somewhat concerning since Roxy was driving and she… well, based on what Rose said, Roxy was spending less time sober than not these days. But their concern was unwarranted, as the older four were approaching just then.  
“Speak of the devil and they shall arrive, Rosey,” Roxy said, grinning wildly at her sister. “We weren’t doin’ anythin’ troublesome, but it’s sweet of you to worry, sis.”  
“Really. You didn’t bring any illicit substances to the beach today?”  
“Nope!” Rose let out a deep sigh and just continued her reading. Dave settled back into his seat, just watching as Dirk threw some hot dogs on the grill. Dirk’s mind was somewhere beside cooking, though, and that was on Jake. Moreover, it was on the problem that his feelings for Jake presented for his and Jane’s friendship. It was probably a good thing he was keeping a distance for the moment; Roxy was intolerably perceptive when she was sober, and Dirk knew he was distracted and in his own head, and she was bound to notice. The truth was that Dirk had pretty much had a crush on Jake for their entire high school career, and all of them knew it except Jake, because of course that kid was the most oblivious person on the face of the planet. And Dirk was trying to work up the nerve to ask Jake out before their senior year ended. Today was not that day, though. He didn’t even want to get close to Jake; not with everyone else around. So he made the food, only joining the others when it was all done. They ate and laughed together, and after a while they set up a small fire and roasted some marshmallows for s’mores while watching the sunset against the ocean.  
“Ah, wish we could just stay here forever,” Roxy sighed. “It’s so pretty.”  
“Yeah, too bad we gotta go to school tomorrow and ‘get an education’ and ‘contribute to society’,” Dave muttered. If he had his way, he’d just go make shitty movies in Hollywood, but apparently 14 was too young to give up on school.  
“Have fun in high school, you kiddos,” Roxy teased.  
“I still can’t believe you graduated early, Roxy!” Jane said. Dave glanced over at his brother, who had more than adequate intelligence to join Roxy at college a year early, but had decided against it. But Dirk was even harder to gauge than Dave was. There was the fact that Jake was sitting next to Jane, though.  
“Janey, Janey, Janey… I may not seem it, but I got mad haxxor skills.” Dirk quirked an eyebrow. Her phrasing made it sound like she’d hacked into the school’s computers and changed all her grades or something, even though he knew this wasn’t the case.  
“I didn’t mean to insinuate that you weren’t the intelligent type.” And there was Jane, just making sure she hadn’t accidentally hurt someone’s feelings. Even though she had pretty much nothing to apologize for.  
“Oh yah. I knowwwww. Anyways, college is gonna be sooo cool. Gonna get my party ON!” This also raised a little concern from Dirk. Roxy really needed to reign it in if she wanted to be successful. But he was also preoccupied by the fact that Jake and Jane were basically holding hands. He studied Jake for a moment, who was blithely unaware that it was even happening. So, it wasn’t intentional. The probable scenario was that Jake didn’t particularly have feelings for either Jane or Dirk, but he was so gung-ho about adventure and trying new things (and had mentioned dating being included in that branch) that he would honestly probably say yes to whoever asked him out first. Dirk wasn’t sure that was the basis he wanted for a relationship, but Jake had also said that he could see himself dating any one of the friends, and literally the only reason Roxy wasn’t throwing her hat in the ring was out of respect. That and because Roxy had a lot of small crushes, all the time, but Dirk and Jane were more prone to getting one big crush. It just so happened that it was on the same person. Which was… problematic, to say the least. And not only was Dirk gunshy about the whole thing, but he wasn’t totally convinced that Jake wasn’t straight. And he’d hate to start a thing, and have Jake say, ‘hey this has been great but I don’t think I’m gay’, so the whole thing was really just very messy.  
“Yeah, I’m really excited for you, Rox,” Jane answered. “And it’ll be fun having everyone at Skaia High this year.” Dirk glanced back at Jane and gave a little nod, trying to pull himself out of his thoughts.  
“I’ve never been to a real school before!” Jade said, looking towards her cousin. “Has it been fun, Jake?”  
“Well, there’s quite a bit of hullabaloo at first, but once you get acquainted with everything, it’s the bee’s knees! I was a bit jingle-brained at first, nearly made a hash out of things my first week, but I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Dirk chuckled inwardly to himself. All those movies made Jake speak like he lived in 1920’s England. Or maybe some of that slang was still used in England; Dirk didn’t know.  
“Okay, I’ll try to pay attention, then,” Jade answered. She smiled widely at Dave, John, and Rose, and Dave felt his stomach turn a bit. Heading into high school meant meeting new people from Alternia Middle School, and he was starting to get tired of hiding his home life from his friends. The idea of lying to more people… it wasn’t a good feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So actually I think I've had this chapter written for a while. I have a pretty solid roadmap for this part of the series so hopefully it won't take me too long to write.


	2. Why Expect Anything Other Than Shitty Swords?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Dirk's first day of school

Dave opened the refrigerator, looking for something to pack for lunch, but of course nothing was in there but a bunch of Bro’s shitty swords, which all came tumbling out when Dave opened the door.  
“I don’t even know why I looked in there,” he mumbled to himself.  
“Dave, you almost ready?” Dirk asked, waiting near the front door.  
“Uh. Yeah, just let me grab a sweatshirt,” Dave answered. He didn’t think he’d need it as far as weather went; August in California was still fairly warm, but his arms were still healing and he didn’t want people to stare or ask questions, so he just quickly grabbed a red hoodie and headed back to Dirk. “Are you seriously wearing your fucking Kamina shades to school?”  
“I have for the last three years.”  
“Yeah, but you’re a senior. I thought you’d at least attempt to be cool this year.”  
“You think I have to try to be cool? Besides, you wore them up until John got you those new ones,” Dirk laughed.  
“You know what, that’s fair,” Dave said, and the two headed down for Dirk’s car. Dave glanced at the empty spot next to Dirk’s, and frowned. “When is Bro supposed to be back?”  
“He was supposed to be back yesterday, I don’t know,” Dirk answered nonchalantly. Their older brother was always in and out of the apartment on business trips and DJ or ventriloquist gigs. It wasn’t an issue, because it wasn’t as if the Striders were broke, but it was a bit unsettling to Dave not always knowing if his legal guardian would be around. Without thinking too much about it, Dave hopped into the truck and they headed off to school.

Dave pulled his hoodie on before heading into the building. He already knew he didn’t have any classes with John, and he wouldn’t see Jade until second period, and Rose until fourth, so he didn’t worry too much about saving a seat for anyone in his first class, which was Geometry. It didn’t take long for someone to take the seat next to him, and it wasn’t an unfamiliar face, either. Dave saw him out of his peripherals, the short kid from the beach the other day. He didn’t say anything for a moment, enduring the same fluttery feeling in his stomach he’d felt seeing this kid the day prior. After a pause, Dave was able to string some words together.  
“Oh shit, I know you. You’re that shorty from the beach,” Dave said.  
“Don’t fucking call me short. I have a name,” short kid growled back.  
“I bet, most people do,” Dave retorted, then watched curiously as the boy’s face scrunched up in frustration.  
“Listen, you little shitweasel, I will not stand for this kind of assitry. Either be fucking polite or leave me alone.” Dave couldn’t help but smile. He was eloquent, in a profane way.  
“M’name’s Dave. Strider.”  
“Strider, huh? I’m Karkat.”  
Dave couldn’t help himself. It just sounded so ridiculous. “What fuckin’ kind of name is that?”  
Karkat groaned at him and collapsed onto the desk. Dave snickered a bit.

At the end of class, even though Dave knew he’d see Jade in his next class and was relieved to have someone he knew, (nevermind the benefit of having someone as smart as Jade as his science partner) he was slightly disappointed to leave, and it wasn’t because he was a fan of math. Still, he made his way down the halls towards the science wing, and of course Jade had beat him to Biology and greeted him with a big buck-toothed smile.  
After Biology, Dave went off to his English class and found a seat, which was eventually taken by a girl with hair so red she’d be mistaken for a Weasley, with pointy, red-tinted glasses on. She sniffed the air a bit and Dave raised an eyebrow at her.  
“Ugh, why does high school smell like chalkboards and desperation?” she muttered.  
“Funny, I’d say it smells more like AXE poorly masking BO than anything,” Dave said back to her. He was joking, mostly. There was an unfortunate aspect of truth to his comment. “Nice shades, by the way. Dig the red.”  
She reached up and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Oh. Thanks. I’m Terezi.”  
“Cool. I’m Dave.” Dave didn’t know why people had such trouble making friends. It was just through interactions as small as that. He knew he’d made friends with Terezi, because at the end of class, she turned towards him again.  
“Hey Dave, do you know where the gym is?”  
“No, but I’m about to find out. You have PE?” he asked, wondering why she couldn’t just follow the signs herself. Of course, Dave knew better than most that some people just had secrets. “‘kay. Let’s go, then.” As they walked towards the gym, the reason Terezi had asked for help became obvious, as she was relying on Dave’s footsteps and a cane. Oh. She was blind, Dave realized. No wonder she couldn’t read the maps or anything. Dave led her to the gym, having forgotten about sharing this class with Rose. He looked up, finding his cousin sitting in the bleachers. “Oh shit.”  
“What?” Terezi asked.  
“Oh. Nothing, I just gotta go chat with someone. Catch ya later, TZ,” Dave said, and he headed towards Rose.  
“Hi, Dave. How’s your morning been?” Rose asked. Dave glared at her, not really wanting to talk about it. He still didn’t know what to make of Karkat. He sat down beside her. “Are you going to wear your shades all day?” Rose reached to take his glasses off, and he slapped her hand away. There was a reason he and Dirk wore sunglasses all the time.  
“And deal with a migraine from these shitty fluorescent lights?”  
“Right… I forgot about your photophobia.”  
“Why do you have to put these fancy words on everything? I have light sensitivity; it’s not a phobia,” Dave snipped. Bright lights tended to give him massive headaches. Apparently it ran in the family, something the Lalondes had been fortunate enough not to inherit, though they did get to keep the weird eye colors. Honestly, purple was so much more passable as normal than red, which was another reason Dave preferred to keep his shades on. But regardless, it was a touchy subject, and Rose knew that. Dave figured she was just trying to get a rise out of him.

Rose went to her locker after PE, and Dave went to the cafeteria to meet up with John.  
“Hey Dave, I met that kid from the beach. He’s in my P.E. class!” Dave faltered silently as he sat down.  
“Yeah, I met him too, in geometry this morning. Karkat?” he said, pretending he hadn’t been paying 200 percent attention to Karkat. “He’s so goddamn angry.”  
“Yeah, I noticed.”  
After another moment, Rose and Jade joined them and they all talked about their morning classes before having to part again for fifth period. And who should walk into Dave’s Spanish class but Karkat? He sat a few seats away, two other boys between Dave and Karkat. The kid sitting immediately next to Dave was wheelchair-bound, and when the teacher gave them a chance to “get to know your classmates”, he struck up conversation.  
“Um...hi…” the wheelchair kid stammered.  
Dave honestly wasn’t in the mood. “Oh my god, you sound like a tool.”  
“Sorry?”  
“This is so weak. I shouldn’t even waste good material on you. It’s like. You’ve got nothing. You wanna start shit? You don’t know anything about me.”  
“Um. I’m not… really sure what you’re… talking about.” And then Dave realized, this guy had absolutely no self-confidence, and it might be kind of fun to mess with him a bit.  
“You checking me out? At what point in the future am I supposed to look forward to you whipping up the titanic hankering for my knob?”  
“Uh…”  
“Be honest with me, because I’m busy. I just need to know when to be there when the stars come into alignment and you finally decide to sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund.”  
“I… guess I’ll leave you alone? You have some… bees in your bonnet about your sexuality.” Oh. Oh no. NO he did NOT just say that. Dave was perfectly comfortable in his heterosexuality, thank you very much.  
“No, no dude. You sassed me up. We are in the shit now. Together. For the long haul.”  
“I… what?”  
“We’re motherfucking entrenched in this bitch. You and me. Welcome to ‘Nam. Now grab my hand before Charlie gets the fucking drop.”  
“Who’s Charlie?”  
“He’s the guy who’s gonna read our vows. I’m feeling pretty frigging matrimonial all a sudden. Take a look down by your foot; see that little bottle? Stomp on that shit like it’s on fire. Noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs ‘til someone gets hurt.”  
“Oh my god…”  
Admittedly, Dave wasn’t totally sure what he was talking about himself; he had this tendency to go on metaphorical rants and just spill out anything that came to mind, and he wanted to be left alone at the moment, so yes, he was taking it out on this kid he didn’t know, and the other boy looked incredibly relieved when the bell rang.

Dirk’s day was far less melodramatic. He spent a great amount of time in the morning making sure his hair was perfect for the first day back. First day of senior year, what could possibly go wrong? Truth was, he was afraid that _many_ things could go wrong, and decided the only one who could quell his nerves was none other than Roxy Lalonde.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Rox?  
TT: You up yet?  
TG: hrrghhh  
TG: yeh  
TG: rose woke me up by openin the damn curtains  
TG: whats up d-strizzle  
TT: Just wanted to say good luck with your first day at college.  
TG: aww cuz  
TG: youre sweet  
TT: I mean,  
TT: I wouldn’t use that word to describe myself, but sure.  
TG: youre too hard on yourself dirk  
TT: Probably.  
TG: u kno dirk i mean it  
TG: youre always bein self deprecating an shit  
TG: not like intense about it but its there just like under the surface  
TG: an im just here like  
TG: damn dirk would be a good boyfriend  
TG: i mean not for me but  
TG: if we weren’t cousins  
TT: You’re going down a weird road, Rox.  
TG: yeah sorry  
TG: but i totally imagine you bein sweet on some girl  
TG: le sign  
TT: Le sign?  
TG: yeh le sign you heard me  
TT: Do you mean * le sigh?  
TG: hmm nop  
TT: What does le sign even mean in this context?  
TG: oh come on  
TT: Come on what?  
TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOD TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERATELY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK  
TT: I mean, yeah, that’s what I thought.  
TT: It would just be cool if you’d refrain from tossing about such antediluvian terms.  
TG: antediulivan what  
TG: me sayin ur gay you mean?  
TT: Yes.  
TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base!  
TT: I don’t see how it has to be a thing.  
TG: you kno its a thing bro  
TT: Why do you always do this.  
TG: ugh jus stop draggin your feet man we both kno ur in2 jake  
TG: pretty sure thats gay!  
TT: I mean…  
TT: I guess.  
TT: I don’t really care for labels.  
TT: I guess I take after Bro in that way.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: hang on  
TG: janeys mssging me

Dirk grumbled to himself. He always hated how invested Roxy got in his sexuality. It wasn’t the first time she’d borderline hit on him, despite _both_ his sexuality _and_ their relationship. If it weren’t Roxy, he’d be uncomfortable. Of course she would never actually do anything about it, she just had a tendency to run her mouth when she was drunk, and that was pretty much all the time. But maybe she was right about Jake. He’d been pining over him for nearly a year now. Maybe he needed to actually do something about it.

TT: Speaking of Jake…  
TT: I think I’m going to tell him soon.  
TT: How I feel, I mean.  
TG: hhhh  
TG: good to know  
TT: Why do you say it like that?  
TG: no reason  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: Well…  
TT: I’m not sure, actually, how to go about it.  
TT: I was thinking of having the Auto-Responder send something, if only because I’m not totally sure what to say.  
TG: omg nooooo  
TG: you cant leave that shit to AR  
TT: Why? TG: well for one its impersonal  
TG: for two that thing is like 13 year old you  
TG: not a great impression tb quite h  
TT: Fair point.  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: I guess I’ll think about it a little more before I do anything.  
TG: mkay

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

Once Dirk got to school, he spent much of his time looking for Jane and Jake in his classes, to no avail. He was hoping to have a friend in 1st period Spanish, since he knew there would be a big aspect of conversation, and talking to new people wasn’t exactly his forte. Robotics was easier to handle alone. It was all independent projects, and honestly he took it for an easy A. He was going to utilize class time to work on Sawtooth and Squarewave, instead of doing it at home. In English, he _finally_ saw a familiar face. Jake. Of course he immediately sat down next to him. Jake had a huge, goofy grin on his face.  
"Ahoy hoy!”  
“Hey, Jake,” Dirk said, feeling the twinge of a smile on his face. Jake’s silly language and over-the-top mannerisms were so much of what drew Dirk to him. Well, that and Jake had a great ass. There was no denying that aspect of it, nor the fact that frankly, Dirk didn’t know many other guys. He’d had crushes before, of course, but no one that he’d ever approach. He got close once, but it was confirmed for him that the dude was straight. God, what if the Jake thing was that all over again? He kept thinking about that all through his 4th period, AP Physics, and he was both glad and hesitant to rejoin not only Jake, but Jane as well during lunch.  
“Hey, guys!” Jane greeted as she met the two boys at the table. “How’s your morning been?”  
“Meh,” Dirk muttered, not wanting to let on how nervous the day had made him. “Robotics class is cool.”  
“Yeah, until you mentioned signing up for that class, I wasn’t even aware it existed.”  
“Small program.”  
“My morning was top!” Jake said, still wearing a huge grin. “I must say, it’s nice to get all the blasted academia out of the way in the morning, what with teachers prattling on about nonsense. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the day has in store.” Dirk glanced at Jane out of the corner of his eye; she had an unaware smile on her face. _That_ was what threw a wrench into this whole thing. Jane liked Jake too.  
Dirk walked with Jane to Economics, the only class which they shared, and then he finished his day off with Calculus, which, contrary to how many people felt, wasn’t a bad class to have last. It was much more difficult, in Dirk’s mind, to have math in the morning. After all that, Dirk met up with Dave and they headed home, wondering if Bro would be there.

When the boys got home, Bro was standing in the hallway. Dave tried to hide his alarm, partially because he didn’t want Bro to see he was a little scared, but mostly because he didn’t want Dirk to worry about him. Bro’s eyes narrowed.  
“Bro. Roof, now.” Dirk nodded quickly, then found his katana and followed Bro up the staircase.


	3. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is concerned about Homecoming, and dealing with certain attractions.

School became another simple routine for Dave. Get up, go to school, come home, strife, and maybe there would be time for homework in there. It was easy to get through the day with just John, Rose, and Jade, but John really changed things with one simple suggestion.  
“Hey guys, why don’t we sit with Karkat and his friends? I think we’ve all met one of them, right?” Dave’s poker face almost failed him for a moment, and he didn’t know what to say without coming off like an ass.  
“I think that’s an excellent idea, John,” Rose said, and before Dave or Jade could chime in, John was already halfway across the cafeteria with his lunch.  
“Hey, Karkat!” Dave sighed and followed.  
“I’m sorry, did I fucking invite you to sit here, Egbert?” Oh man. Not only was Karkat there, but the two other plebs from Spanish class were too.  
“Oh fuck no, you three? These are the pricks from my Spanish class.”  
“Come on, Dave, Karkat isn’t so bad!” He was easy on the eyes, that was for sure. But, no, it didn’t matter. The only thing that made Dave feel okay about sitting there was Terezi’s presence. Why _was_ Karkat sitting so close to her, anyway? Seemed like they might be a thing. Maybe. Dave liked Terezi, but didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever was going on there.  
“Whatever,” Dave muttered, finding a spot to squeeze into the table.  
“Hey, I’m Tavros,” a boy said. It was the same boy Dave had hassled on the first day.  
“’sup. ‘m Dave.”

The groups were integrated fairly quickly, which meant it wasn’t surprising when Jade informed him that Terezi had asked for his chumhandle, and even less surprising when she started hassling him.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] has requested to be chums with turntechGodhead [TG]\--

\--turntechGodhead [TG] has accepted chum request from gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

TG: sup  
TG: which one of you lame assholes is this  
GC: Its Terezi :P  
TG: oh hey  
TG: yeah jade told me she gave you my chumhandle but cant really tell with you guys sometimes  
TG: youre pretty much the coolest one out of your group anyway so  
GC: Hehehe thank you  
GC: I like the color of your words  
GC: Bright and cherry red like blood  
TG: that is all kinds of fucked up  
TG: why you gotta be so weird right after i called you cool

Despite the weirdness that had just happened, Dave had a burning question in his stomach. He didn’t know exactly why he wanted the answer to this, but he knew he _did._

TG: hey weird question  
TG: whats the deal with you and karkat  
TG: he your boyfriend or something?  
GC: Pfffff yeah right  
GC: Well ok  
GC: I mean  
GC: Its been sort of complicated with him

_Nooooope._ Nope. Nope. Whatever was going on, Dave didn’t want to know. He _did_ want to know, but he didn’t want to hear it from Terezi. Fuck. What _did_ he want? Did he _want_ Karkat? Well, yeah, he kind of did, actually.

TG: ok asking for an explanation on that is pretty much the opposite of what im doing  
TG: and interested the opposite of what im being  
GC: You just asked!!  
GC: Smart  
GC: Ass  
GC: >:P  
GC: Actually hes kind of smartassy like you now that I think about it  
GC: But you seem calm instead of shouty all the time  
GC: Also you don’t hide the color of your hair like a stupid baby  
TG: ok that remark was almost as boring as it was weird  
GC: Oh pipe down Dave, I am trying to pay you a compliment!  
GC: I am holding out an olive branch here, and you are giving it a good firm sass grab  
TG: haha  
GC: One day you will rue all this sass you have dished  
TG: define one day  
GC: It sounded a lot cooler in my head

Okay, so Terezi was pretty weird. But she was also pretty cool. And she and Karkat had been some kind of… something. That was… well, _upsetting_ wasn’t the right word, but it didn’t feel good. Oh. He was going to look like such an ass. He was going to come in and chat up the girl that Karkat was probably hung up on. That must be what Karkat was so pissed about all the time. But why should Dave worry about what Karkat thought of him? It didn’t fucking matter. Except for some itching at the back of his brain that _did_ care what Karkat thought, but Dave tried to ignore that itching. He knew it was true, but he pushed it out of his mind.

The school was starting to put up fliers for Homecoming, which Dave had to admit, made him feel all sorts of weird. He’d never been to a school dance before, and the idea of asking someone out was daunting. He was entertaining the frightening notion, though, and the thought of who he was contemplating asking out was maybe more scary than asking someone in general. He didn’t know how to approach this, since he’d never gotten that far with John. His plan was broken in Spanish class, when Gamzee and Karkat walked in halfway through a conversation.  
“I’m sure gonna fucking try,” Karkat said, making his way to his desk.  
“Try what now?” Dave asked. Karkat’s deep frown pierced him.  
“None of your fucking business, windbag.”  
“He’s gonna ask Terezi to Homecoming, motherfucker,” Gamzee slurred. Well, there went _that_ idea.  
“’kay. Cool,” Dave muttered. He doubted Terezi would be amenable to that. From what he’d picked up, this seemed like a one-sided crush. Still, it made things more complicated for Dave. Maybe he just wouldn’t ask anyone. Still, it seemed like he was in a situation to spare Terezi from an awkward situation, so he approached her the next day in PE.  
“Hey, so…” he started, suddenly feeling not totally confident and somewhat meddling.  
“What?”  
“Just a heads up, Ter, ‘cause I don’t really know what’s going on, but Karkat’s gonna try to ask you to Homecoming.”  
“Oh God,” Terezi let out a small groan, and Dave didn’t feel so guilty. “Okay. Good to know.”  
“You said it was complicated between you two.”  
“Yeah, well now it boils down to a one-sided crush.”  
“Mm.” That was pretty much what Dave had figured, but it also solidified his thoughts that Karkat was… Karkat didn’t swing his way. Which was relieveing, but also somehow like a punch in the gut. Whatever. It would be easier to just go by himself. And anyway, with his friends combined with Karkat and his friends, there were 16 of them. Odds were they would all just go together, which took some of the pressure off. Apparently, John was having the same worries about asking someone out, since he messaged Dave about it that afternoon.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: hey dave?  
EB: are you planning on asking anyone to homecoming?  
TG: why are you  
EB: well, yeah  
EB: i’m just kind of nervous i guess  
TG: who  
EB: vriska  
TG: vriska?  
TG: dont do that dude  
TG: shes fucking crazy  
EB: yeah right  
EB: i think vriska’s cool!  
EB: but i kinda flaked on asking her earlier  
TG: karkles told me shes the one who put tavros in that chair  
EB: really?  
EB: also pfft karkles?  
TG: i mean  
TG: i dont know if its true but she does kind of seem the type to be brutally violent  
TG: even if it was an accident i wouldnt go near her with a 39 and a half foot pole  
TG: and yes it pisses karkat off and i think its kind of funny how angry he gets  
EB: hmm  
EB: well I’m going to see what rose thinks  
TG: shes gonna tell you the same thing  
EB: what makes you so sure?  
TG: i have known rose lalonde my entire life i know exactly how she operates  
EB: whatever, man

There was a long pause, in which Dave assumed John was busy chatting with Rose, and in that time, Dave had to actually think about what to do about Homecoming. There was a reason he didn’t want John to ask Vriska, beyond just not thinking being around Vriska was a good idea. Well, he knew why, actually. Maybe it was the same thing with Karkat. Dave was never able to reconcile his feelings about John, so maybe… he wasn’t totally straight, and Rose wasn’t totally off base. And maybe the reason he felt all weird about Karkat was the same. Karkat wasn’t bad-looking. Ugh. Why did he have to get himself all twisted in a knot about this?

EB: it doesn’t matter if you think vriska’s crazy  
EB: i don’t have the nerve to even ask her  
TG: were you talking to rose just now  
EB: yeah, that’s what i said i was going to do  
TG: she tell you not to ask spiderbitch?  
EB: not exactly  
EB: she said she’d go with me instead

Huh?? Either Rose was playing some kind of game, or she had her eyes on someone, and chickened out too. Well, Dave couldn’t fault her for sparing John the embarrassment of trying to ask Vriska out. Would it be that bad to _try_ to ask someone to Homecoming? Even if he _was_ into Karkat, it wouldn’t matter, because Karkat was crushing on Terezi.

TG: really?  
TG: huh  
EB: is that weird?  
TG: yeah a bit  
EB: guess you don’t know her as well as you thought  
TG: shut the fuck up egbert  
EB: you never answered me earlier  
TG: what  
EB: are you asking anybody to homecoming?  
TG: i was going to but i doubt theyd say yes  
EB: aw dave i’m sure that’s not true!  
TG: theyre interested in someone else so  
TG: pretty sure it is

It was weird to be discussing this in such veiled terms, and it was weird for Dave to admit, even to himself, that he’d wanted to ask Karkat to the dance. _Especially_ to the dance. Something so public… Dave wasn’t even out. He didn’t even know if he _was_ gay, or what the implications would be. And he certainly didn’t want John to know he was questioning himself. It would only make things harder.

EB: oh  
EB: i’m sorry  
TG: no big deal dude  
TG: i dont have an issue going by myself  
EB: is it terezi?  
TG: uh  
EB: come on, i see the way you look when she’s flirting with karkat  
TG: yeah tz is chill  
TG: anyway  
TG: gotta go

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

This whole thing was stupid. He hated talking about this kind of shit with John. He hated lying to John. The only one who knew about his maybe-not-so-hetero-ness was Rose. Speaking of Rose, why the fuck was she going to the dance with Egbert, when Dave knew for a fact that she was a raging lesbian?

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: so youre going to the dance with egbert?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: As I told him, it is strictly platonic.  
TG: oh  
TT: Neither of us have what it takes to ask someone out, it seems.  
TG: yeah im right there with you  
TT: You were going to ask someone?  
TG: karkat  
TT: Oh, really?  
TG: yeah why do you seem so surprised  
TT: I don’t know, I guess I thought you were more interested in Terezi.  
TG: nah i mean terezi is cool and all but  
TG: i dont think we jive together in that way  
TT: I see.  
TG: but i also think kk is into her so  
TT: Oh.  
TT: I’m sorry.  
TG: nah its fine  
TG: got this far in life on my own didnt i?  
TG: no big deal

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Okay, so maybe not being straight was a big thing for Dave to wrap his mind around, but when it all came down to it, he had been attracted to John. He was attracted to Karkat. They were both pointless crushes, but Dave couldn’t deny the truth. No straight person would have those thoughts. It wasn’t even necessarily the gayness of it that he was worried about. He wasn’t used to having feelings like that in general. It was _obviously_ nothing he could talk to Bro about. _Maybe_ it was something he could talk to Dirk about. With a heavy sigh, Dave hoisted himself out of his desk chair and made his way down the hall to Dirk’s room, rapping lightly on the door. Dirk was crouched over another robotics project, earbuds half-falling out and oil smeared all over his gloves and arms. He looked sharply up at Dave and took his earbuds all the way out.  
“What’s up?” Dirk asked, still tightening something.  
“Is Bro home?”  
“DJing.”  
“Okay. Uh.” Dave didn’t know how to bring this up, even to Dirk. “So, I was thinking of asking someone to Homecoming.”  
“Okay?”  
“Well… I was thinking of asking a _guy_ to Homecoming.”  
“Dave, you know that me and Bro aren’t gonna care if you’re gay or bi or whatever.”  
“No, no, I mean…” Dave groaned. “I don’t know how to handle this. How do you…”  
Dirk scoffed. “I hardly think I’m a role model in that sense.”  
“Have you… asked Jake to Homecoming yet?”  
“No. I’m not sure how to go about it quite yet.” Somehow Dave had known that Dirk wasn’t going to be much help. They were one in the same. Hm.  
“Alright. Guess I’ll get back to my homework, then,” Dave muttered, slinking off. Dirk let out a sigh. He knew exactly what Dave was dwelling on. He was dwelling on it, too. Feelings were hard to address; hard to manage. Dirk hated that he was questioning himself so much, but he was already the most stable, most consistent person in his group. How would him being sensitive and sentimental and succumbing to those damn feeling impact not just him, but everyone around him? Dirk wasn’t allowed to be weak. There were other people counting on him. But maybe he could go about this _without_ looking weak. He was _tired_ of pining over Jake. He needed an answer. Even if he took a shot, and Jake said no, he could get over the whole thing. Besides, Dirk knew he would regret it forever if he never even tried, and then the two of them parted ways for college. It was their last Homecoming. He had to make it count. Ugh. Maybe Roxy would have some insight on the matter.

timauesTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Okay, so.  
TT: I think I am going to ask Jake to Homecoming.  
TG: WHAT  
TT: What?  
TT: You’re the one saying I need to act on my feelings instead of keeping everything all close to the chest.  
TG: yeh but  
TG: u sure u wanna be ostentatious about it  
TG: n make homecoming this big thing?  
TT: It’s our last Homecoming.  
TT: I kinda thought it was a big thing?

Roxy didn’t answer for a long time. Of all the times for her to flake on him. God, was she telling Jane what was going on? _Argh!_

TT: Roxy?  
TG: sry  
TG: was talking 2 janey  
TT: About?  
TG: homecoming stuff  
TT: You told her I was going to ask Jake, didn’t you?  
TG: nooooo  
TG: it was dress things  
TG: promise  
TT: …  
TT: Alright…  
TG: im not sayin u shouldn’t ask jake  
TT: Really? Because it sure seems like that’s what you’re saying.  
TG: i jus  
TG: dunno if homecoming is the best format tbh  
TT: Listen, Rox, you know I respect your opinion and usually heed your advice.  
TT: But I think I’ve made my mind up about this one.  
TG: urgh  
TG: dirkieeeee

timaeusTestified [TT] is offline!

Okay. Well, he told Roxy he was going to do it, and she didn’t want him to. That meant Dirk was _definitely_ asking Jake out. If there was one sure-fire way to get Dirk motivated, it was spite.

The next day, Dirk made sure he was early to English class. Hopefully he’d been able to beat Jane to the punch, but he also knew that Jane and Jake had the same stats class in the morning, so there was a distinct possibility that some major shit was about to go down. Roxy was right about being too flashy, but he was still going to make a gesture. He had dug up one of Bro’s old movie posters— _Avatar_ or whatever the fuck that movie with the blue people Jake was always raving about was called—and scrawled, in his neatest handwriting, “You, me, homecoming. Sound like a date? -Dirk” on the back. It was simple. He just set it on Jake’s desk, and waited. Of course Jake came in before too long, and of course he saw the poster—it was kind of hard to miss. Dirk’s heart was absolutely pounding as Jake sat down, and before even saying hello, gripped the poster with two hands and furrowed his brow. After what felt like an eternity, he turned towards Dirk.  
“Dirk, I had no idea you fancied me.” Dirk tried not to look embarrassed, and failed. Thankfully, Jake was one of the people who couldn’t get past the shades.  
“So is that a yes?” he said, trying to keep his voice low.  
“Err,” Jake hesitated for a moment, and then smiled. “Sure. Sounds top!”  
Dirk couldn’t help himself. He smiled. And it wasn’t just a smirk. It was a real smile.

Dave’s hesitation about Homecoming came back to bite him in the ass, because of _course_ it got brought up again.  
“Boys, who’re you all gonna ask? Or have you?” Dave felt his face drop at Feferi’s question, and pretty much everyone refused to answer. Except, of course, for Gamzee. He laughed. “I ain’t asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin’ self and have a good time,” he said.  
“O-Oh,” Feferi said, her smile fading a bit. “Um, what about you, Karkat?” Dave watched as Karkat blushed, and his eyes ever so subtly flickered towards Terezi, cementing what he already knew as fact.  
“Don’t put me on the spot!” Karkat snapped at Feferi. “What about you, princess? Who are you going with?”  
“Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him.” Dave looked at the boy in the scarf. They’d never spoken, but he was pretty sure they were in the same PE class. He probably wasn’t worth the trouble. Based on the obnoxious way he slicked his hair up and the amount of rings on his finger, he was the arrogant type who got off on flaunting his wealth.  
“Not worth the time,” Vriska said. She seemed like trouble, too. Dave had gone out of his way to avoid her, and he wished John would do the same. “He’s such a fucking pain; I can’t believe I ever dated him.”  
“Because you were so _fuckin’ peachy,_ right Vris?!” Eridan shouted. Oh, so arrogant rich boy _and_ a bad temper. What a shame. He might be hot if he weren’t such a douche.  
“Eridan, hush,” Feferi said, puttin  
Then came the longest pause in their entire Homecoming conversation, while Tavros slowly turned red. “Um…I was going to ask…um…this girl, from English class. Uh, how about you, Equius?”  
“I was…going to ask someone. But, if she says no I will go with Nepeta,” Equius answered.  
“You butt! I’m your second choice?” Nepeta frowned at him.  
“I believed that was our arrangement…”  
“Naw, it is. I’m just teasing.”  
Dave honestly wanted to just avoid the dance altogether. It was bound to be pointless drama. But it was looking like that wasn’t an option.


	4. Formalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations for Homecoming have the boys addressing a lot of things.

“Poor Dave, can’t even fight back!” His arm was already scarred from today’s strife. Dave gritted his teeth; tightened his grip on his sword, and charged at Bro. He swung hard, and Bro adeptly dodged, repaying Dave with an elbow in the back. He fell to his knees, sword clattering on the roof beside him. “Come on, you can do better than that,” Bro taunted, not even bothering to pin Dave down. Dave wiped the sweat off his forehead, picked his sword up, and tried again. This time, he was able to fake Bro out, double back, and get a sword near his neck, somehow disarming him in the process. “Dave…don’t…” Dave stared Bro dead in the eyes, or at least to the best of his ability. Bro was always so unreadable, moreso even than Dirk. He couldn’t tell if it was some kind of bluff, or if Bro was seriously scared. He wasn’t about to actually _hurt_ but that moment of hesitation was enough for Dave to lose the upper hand. Bro swept his foot underneath Dave’s, and Dave fell to the floor again. “Don’t be soft, Dave. Don’t be weak.” Bro couldn’t even do Dave the courtesy of helping him up, so Dave did it himself, brushing the rubble off his pants and going down the stairwell to where Dirk was waiting.  
“Guess it’s my turn,” Dirk said, heading up. Dave didn’t answer. Sometimes he watched them strife as well, but today wasn’t that day. Dirk was coming up on Bro in size, and their fights tended to be far more evenly matched. Dave _knew_ he had a disadvantage. He was just _smaller._ Not in terms of height, he was just about as tall as Dirk, not counting how spiked his hair was, but Dirk and Bro were both the slightest bit stockier than him, and no matter how hard Dave trained, he couldn’t build muscle in the same way. Whatever. At least Bro would be gone for a bit; he had some DJ gig in another state.

A few weeks passed, and Homecoming was looming over the horizon. Dave knew that Dirk had a date, and Dirk knew that Dave didn’t. Well, what kind of older brother was Dirk if he didn’t try to make Dave feel just as included?  
“Hey Dave, you wanna go shopping with me and Jake?”  
“Man, what’s even going on with you guys? Haven’t you been crushing on him forever?”  
“Yeah, but it’s not just a crush anymore.”  
“So… are you like boyfriends?” Dirk looked embarrassed for a moment.  
“I guess you could say that. Yeah. We’re boyfriends.”   
Dave sighed. “Nah, you guys go.”  
Dirk furrowed his brow, but instead of pressing the matter, he walked towards the door and grabbed his keys. “Alright, if you’re sure.”  
“Uh-huh.”  
“Okay…” But before Dirk could leave, his phone rang. **Bro** lit up the caller ID. “Yo.”  
“This is such bullshit! Ugh. Alright, looks like I’m gonna be home sooner than expected.”  
“What happened?”  
“They cut my gig short. Are you and Dave gonna be home on Friday night?”  
Dirk glanced over at Dave. “I dunno. I think there’s a football game that night. It’s, uh, Homecoming weekend, you know.”  
“You two don’t really give a _shit_ about sissy stuff like dances, right?”  
“Well… it’s my last one. And his first.”  
“Whatever. Couple of fucking pansies.”  
Dirk hung up on Bro. “He’s coming home early. Friday night.”

“Great,” Dave muttered, rolling his eyes. “Have a good shopping trip.”

Dirk sighed at him, then went out the door. No sooner did the door shut and Dave was left alone in the apartment did a message appear on his phone.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: sup cool duuuuuude  
TG: hey harley  
TG: hows it hangin  
GG: pretty good!  
GG: well, jakes over here fretting about something but other than that good!  
TG: probably all stressed about dirk  
GG: oh! right!  
GG: i forgot!  
GG: haha, its almost like you and i are related now  
TG: nah  
TG: youd be more closely related to john  
GG: whaaaaaat  
TG: dark hair and nerdy faces  
TG: you two could be cousins or some shit  
GG: my face is not nerdy :P  
TG: haha  
TG: if you say so  
TG: nerdys not bad tho  
GG: anywayyyyyyy  
GG: has fef talked to you?  
TG: who  
TG: oh  
TG: no  
GG: well shes trying to get everyone together for pictures  
TG: i mean i dont really care  
GG: daaaaaave  
TG: if thats what people are doing then sure  
GG: okay!  
GG: also do you wanna go shopping with me and rose tomorrow  
TG: just you and rose  
GG: john might come too.  
TG: yeah sure  
GG: awesome!  
GG: well i’ll see you tomorrow then :)

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

There was a sick feeling in his gut. At some point, he was going to have to come clean with John. Well, with everyone, really. And Rose was so insufferable about it, but she was pretty much the only person he could talk to about it besides Dirk, who wasn’t much help at all. Ugh. Dave rubbed his face, pushing his sunglasses up with his hands, and groaned. He _knew_ high school was going to be full of drama; he’d just been hoping to put it off for more than two months.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: so were all going shopping together or some shit?  
TT: Yes, I assume you are still in need of a dress shirt for Homecoming.  
TG: i dont know how to feel about that assumption  
TG: but im kinda glad actually  
TG: the alternative was going shopping with dirk and jake and  
TG: i dont really think i can deal with those two  
TG: well jakes p cool actually but dirk seems kinda clingy  
TT: This is… a new development.  
TG: yeah i guess he like  
TG: asked jake to homecoming?  
TG: in some flashy and ostentatious way but i dont have the deets  
TG: and now theyre boyfriends or some shit  
TT: That was quick.  
TG: not really dirk has been kinda pining for a while  
TT: Right, I mean the development into a relationship.  
TT: I suppose it is Jake.  
TG: yeah  
TG: anyway group shopping trip im down  
TT: Alright  
TT: We’ll be by to pick you up tomorrow morning.  
TG: cool  
TG: hey were you planning on going to the football game  
TT: Not particularly.  
TT: Why?  
TG: bros gonna be back in town that night and id rather not be home when he gets here  
TG: so you wanna go?  
TT: Sure, Dave.  
TT: We can go to the Homecoming game.  
TG: sweet  
TT: But I have to ask  
TT: Is everything alright?  
TT: It’s not like you to avoid Bro’s return.  
TG: what yeah its fine  
TG: just need a little space now and then  
TT: Dave, he gives you nothing but space.  
TT: He’s gone half the time, isn’t he?  
TG: well yeah but i mean  
TG: can we not do this right now  
TG: cant a guy just want to go to a football game?  
TT: I suppose…  
TG: damn it rose theres nothing fishy going on dont give me that shit  
TT: Alright.  
TT: If you say so.

The thing was that, Rose was right. It wasn’t like him to avoid Bro. He just wanted to look nice on Homecoming without having to worry about sporting a black eye or some shit. Dave himself wasn’t sure _why_ this dance was suddenly important to him, but his appearances had always mattered, so if he was going to go at all, he was going to go looking great. And, knowing Rose, she wouldn’t drop the subject. This wasn’t the first time she’d gotten an odd feeling about their life with Bro, and he doubted it would be the last. His hands were moving before his mind processed the decision.

TG: i mean  
TG: so maybe he and i sword fight on the roof  
TG: and maybe he kicks my ass  
TG: but its fine  
TG: im good  
TT: Dave!  
TG: what  
TT: You can’t seriously be deluding yourself into thinking that’s normal.  
TG: rose its fine i swear  
TG: just trying not to get a beatdown right before homecoming  
TT: Dave, I…  
TT: You shouldn’t be living with him if he’s doing that.  
TG: ugh  
TG: knew i shouldnt have said anything gdi  
TG: its just training  
TG: he wins these practice strifes  
TG: hes not beating me or anything  
TT: Um.  
TT: Alright. I will take your word on this.

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Dirk’s afternoon was, amazingly, not much better than Dave’s. It was one of his and Jake’s first excursions as a couple, and that idea wracked Dirk with anxiety; the type of really _really_ bad anxiety that made Dirk want to decapitate himself. How was he supposed to behave as Jake’s boyfriend? Should they be holding hands? Would Jake even _want_ to hold his hand? Jake looked nervous, too. Was he regretting saying yes? Was he… was he embarrassed of Dirk? It was hard to say, but Dirk was the one with all the machinations going on. If he wanted them to look like a confident couple, he was the one to make it happen. So he reached out, quickly, and snatched Jake’s hand, theie fingers now interlaced, and Dirk was feeling more grateful than ever for the power behind fingerless gloves; Jake couldn’t feel how sweaty his hands were. Jake looked over at Dirk for just a moment, his dark green eyes wide, and only widened more by the magnification of his glasses, and then he smiled, and the two continued their walk around the mall.  
“Oh, look, that one looks like a tiny Becquerel,” Jake remarked as they passed the puppy store. They really were pretty adorable, even if Dirk thought purebred dogs were ridiculously unethical under most circumstances.  
“Mm.” They stood together quietly for a moment, and Dirk’s heart started pounding. Jake was so quiet. Maybe he wasn’t feeling this. “Hey, uh, department store?” he said.  
“Huh? Oh, right,” Jake muttered. He was still holding on to Dirk’s hand, so there was that. Jake led them off towards the JCPenney’s Men’s department. Dirk would have been willing to spring for something a little more high-end; it wasn’t like they were hurting for money, but this was where Jake took him, so he went with it. As they approached the men’s shirting, Dirk pretty much immediately grabbed a black button down. Simple enough. Everyone looked good in black. Jake raised an eyebrow at him. “That was quick.”  
“Yeah, I, uh. Not much into shopping.”  
“Don’t be daft, Dirk, isn’t that half of the fun?”  
Jake managed to rope Dirk into a bit of a longer excursion, and they ended up color-coordinating. Jake found a deep green button-down that Dirk could just imagine him pairing with some dorky suspenders, and an orange bowtie that matched Dirk’s shirt, and Dirk’s bowtie matched Jake’s shirt. After paying, their departure from the mall was quick. Dirk’s anxiety did not quell on the drive home. He kept tapping his fingers against his legs. Dirk knew he wasn’t good at expressing his emotions, and Jake certainly wasn’t saying anything. He was smiling, but wasn’t saying anything. Dirk let out a quiet sigh as he pulled up to the Harley-English house.  
“I, uh. Had a nice time,” Dirk stammered.  
“Yeah, top,” Jake said, though not as enthusiastically as he typically came off. “Looking forward to the dance.”  
“Jake, is… is it always going to feel so weird between us?”  
“Jiminy Christmas, Dirk, don’t be an absolute lunk head. It’s new. That’s all.”  
Dirk pursed his lips. He knew that. They were both adjusting to seeing each other in a new light. Jake leaned over the console, and pecked Dirk quickly on the cheek before hopping out the passenger door, shopping bag in tow. Dirk gently prodded his cheek where Jake’s lips had graced him. Okay. So he just had to give it time.

Dave found himself sitting alone with John while Rose, Roxy, Jade, and Jane all tried their dresses on during their shopping trip. Based on the look on Rose’s face, this was exactly how she’d pictured this going. God, this was stupid. Things would be so much easier for Dave if he were just straight. He was sitting there, next to John, unable to talk to him about what was on his mind. He was sitting there, thinking how much easier it would be if he didn’t have these twisted up feelings about Karkat, _and_ about Terezi, on top of it.  
“Dave, are you okay?” Dave blinked, glancing over at John. Man, he’d been totally spacing out.  
“Yeah, I’m fine…” Dave said, letting out a sigh. They both looked over at Jade, in a sparkling dress, and Dave suddenly knew what John thought was going on. So clueless. But maybe it was easier that way. They made their way to the department store so John and Dave could buy their shirts. Dave gravitated towards the red shirts, perusing a few while John talked to Rose. After a moment, John approached Dave, one eyebrow raised.  
“What?” Dave asked.  
“Nothing,” John said, a playful lilt in his voice. “I just thought you might go for a green one.” Dave looked at John, then the shirt in his hands, back to John, then over to Jade, and back to John again.  
“You think I… Oh. I see… you thought I had a thing for Harley.”  
“Uh… you don’t?”  
“No…” Ugh. He’d had a baby crush on her at the beginning of the summer, but that was before either of them explored their orientation. How could he explain that to John? The whole reason Dave was avoiding the subject was that he just _knew_ John would ask if Dave ever had a crush on him, at which point it wasn’t worth lying about. “I mean, Jade’s cute and all, and we get along, but… I never thought of her that way.”  
“Huh,” John muttered, and then they returned to their shopping.

Before Dave even knew it, it was Friday. Time for the Homecoming game. Dave gathered his things and was hoping to be out the door before Bro got back, but no such luck. Just as Dave was heading out the door, Bro was heading in. And he looked _pissed.  
_ “Where do you think _you’re_ going, little man?” Bro said, stepping over the threshold.  
“Football game,” Dave said, looking for a way past Bro, but also not daring to take a step.  
“I don’t think so. Roof, now.”  
“Come on, Bro, can’t I be a normal kid for like, one night?”  
Bro gripped Dave’s arm firmly, and Dave couldn’t help but wince. “I said _roof. Now.”  
_ “Bro—” Dirk cut in, “you’re back.” Bro released his grip on Dave. “Come on, dude, let him go. If you really want someone to take your frustration out on, at least take on someone who can fight back.”  
“Wow, thanks Dirk,” Dave griped, but Dirk shot him a look so he shut his mouth. Bro skulked across the room, already drawing his sword. He placed the tip at Dirk’s chest, prodding ever so gently, not even tearing his shirt.  
“Don’t. Talk. Back.” But Dirk’s mission had been accomplished. Dave made it out the front door.

Dave hated taking the bus, but given the situation at home, that was the only option. God, that was why he hated being around when Bro was pissed off. Normally, Bro just wanted him to be stronger. But when he was mad… Dave looked at his arm where Bro grabbed him. Oh shit, he had bruises without even having fought. He pulled his hoodie on, knowing Rose would say something. He met up with her at the ticket booth, well aware that he was frowning and not even bothering to hide it. Rose took him by the arm—the bruised arm—and Dave couldn’t help but wince.  
“Dave, are you alright?”  
“Yeah, just…sorry. Tripped down the stairs on my way out. I told you, bro. I told you about stairs.”  
“Yes… yes you have,” Rose muttered, though Dave knew the wheels in her mind were turning. Whatever. Bro could be mad. Dave wasn’t planning on being around the apartment much that weekend anyway. The dance was tomorrow. Maybe he could chill with Jade beforehand.  
Rose led him into the stadium, where she met up with Kanaya, who seemed to have toted Karkat along. Great, some awkward double-date where nobody involved could garner the courage to actually talk to the other person. Rose sat down next to Kanaya, pulled a blanket out of her bag, and shared it with Kanaya, leaving Dave out in the cold on the other side. Karkat was on the other side of Kanaya, arms crossed and that permanent scowl on his face, wrapped in his own blanket. Rose elbowed Dave a bit, and as he made eye contact with her, she nodded towards Karkat. Dave stood up, letting out a little sigh, and crossed by the girls to sit with him.  
“Hey dude,” Dave said, sinking onto the bleacher. Karkat grunted in acknowledgement. Guess he wasn’t in the talking mood. God, it was cold out. Dave tugged on the sleeves of his sweater, both trying to keep himself warm, and also keep his bruises under wraps.  
“Here,” Karkat said after a while, offering the other side of the blanket to Dave.  
“Thanks.”  
They just sat like that throughout the whole game, Dave trying not to read too much into the situation. Karkat was quiet, except during the halftime show, when he bitched about his cousin not winning Homecoming Queen and that the whole evening had proved to be such a waste of time. But Dave was smiling, at least. He’d come to the game feeling so shitty, smiling felt good. All four of them walked out together, feeling generally amicable until Eridan fucking Ampora crossed their paths. Perhaps Dave wasn’t paying attention; perhaps they shouldn’t have been walking four-wide, but for whatever reason it happened, Dave accidentally bumped into Eridan, who was walking the other way.  
“Watch where you’re going, you fuckin’ peasant!” Eridan yelled.  
“Dude did you literally just call me a peasant?”  
“Eridan, what the actual fuck? It was an accidental bump. No need to lose your shit,” Karkat said. Eridan puttered for a minute, and seemingly unable to come up with a retort, Eridan huffed and left.  
“What was that about?” Dave asked. Karkat probably knew best.  
“Ugh, nothing. He’s just a prick sometimes,” Kanaya said.  
“Best to ignore that guy when he’s being a jackass.”

Dave messaged Jade quickly on the way back home.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: yo harley  
TG: you up  
TG: i bet youre asleep arent you  
GG: whats up coooooool guy?  
GG: sooooo coooool  
TG: oh hey  
TG: just wondering if you wanted to chill before we go to fefs for pictures tomorrow  
GG: yeah sure!  
GG: why, something going on at home?  
TG: nah  
TG: just dont hang out with you much  
GG: okay!!  
GG: well youre free to come by whenever  
TG: i think dirk is coming to chill with jake beforehand so well just come together  
GG: makes sense

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

When he got back home, Bro was passed out on the couch. Good. He knew Bro would be pissed about what happened earlier. Best to let him sleep it off. Maybe they could strife tomorrow, once Bro had cooled down. It wasn’t like Dave didn’t _want_ to practice. It wasn’t like Dave didn’t _want_ to get better. But Bro tended to take it too far when he was angry.  
Bro was still asleep when Dave and Dirk went to leave. Dirk quickly scrawled a note. _Bro—at Homecoming. Be back late._

Jade was absolutely _beaming_ when the boys pulled up, and Dave couldn’t help but leave some of his worries behind.  
“Hey Dave!” she waved as he got out of Dirk’s car.  
“Hey, Jade. How’s it hanging?” Dave had barely approached the door before getting nearly tackled by their giant white husky, Becquerel. He always did this, coating Dave’s face in slobbery licks. “Ok, ok, off,” Dave grunted. Jade put two fingers into Bec’s collar and pulled him backwards.  
“Bad dog!” Jade chided, wrangling the beast into the backyard. “He just misses you, Dave! It’s been a while.”  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dave muttered, standing up and brushing the dust off his clothes. “Let’s just get inside.”

It didn’t take long for Dave to get ready. The white tie stood out against all the red he was wearing, and it almost made his hair seem even brighter. Jade, honestly, was stunning in her dress, in the strictest platonic sense, even doing something as mundane as leaning over the bathroom counter fixing her makeup. Dave was sinking into her bed while she finished up.  
“So, what’s going on in your world, Dave?”  
“You know. Drama. Bullshit,” he answered, only half-paying attention.  
“Yeah… high school is weird!”  
“Tell me about it. But, probably weirder for you, huh? Cause you’ve never really gone to school.”  
“Mhm…” Jade’s voice trailed. “You know, I thought it would be so easy. To make friends; to know who I am… but maybe I tried to label myself too soon. Maybe it’s too easy to decide you’re a certain way with such limited exposure.”  
“Jade?” Dave sat up, suddenly realizing that this was a _serious_ conversation. “Are you okay?”  
“Uh… yeah. Mostly. Just… figuring things out, I guess. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Mm… okay.” Dave knew enough from his own experience that prodding was not the way to go.  
“Well, what about you?”  
“I guess you could say I’m figuring stuff out too.”  
“Did you… ever tell John?”  
“Tell John what?” Was Jade implying that she _knew?_ There was no way she could know, unless it was one of her weird prognosticative moments. One of those weird times when Jade seemed like she could tell the future.  
“Oh. Nothing.”  
John’s dad showed up just in time to save him from this awkward conversation. He’d offered to drive them all over to Feferi’s, while Dirk and Jake went to Roxy’s. John, Jade, Dave, and Rose were seemingly the last to arrive at Feferi’s. John was immediately talking to Vriska, and Rose was talking to Kanaya, and Jade was working the whole crowd. It took Dave a moment to insert himself into the group, and of course the first voice to acknowledge him was irritated and gravelly.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”  
“What?” Dave said, turning towards Karkat.  
“Are you seriously wearing your fucking shades to _Homecoming?_ Why do you even wear those things? They make you look like a gigantic fucking douchebag.”  
Karkat was dangerously close to things that Dave didn’t think he could understand. Would he understand Dave’s freakish mutation? Would he understand the fact that Dave couldn’t tolerate a lot of exposure to light? Mostly, would he understand that Dave had the occasionally black eye? “It’s none of your goddamn business, Vantas,” Dave heard himself hiss. Ten minutes into the evening and his mood was already irreparably soured. Maybe Terezi could smell the scowl on him, because she patted him on the shoulder. Dave jumped a bit. He couldn’t say he was a fan of being touched, especially when he was on edge like that.  
“Hey, you alright?”  
“Yeah, I just…” Dave took a light breath to center himself. “I’m fine. Lost my cool for a sec.”  
“Are you sure? It’s—”  
“It’s fine, TZ,” Dave reassured her. At least she had his back.

Dave suffered through pictures, and dinner, and finally it was time for the dance. Dave didn’t really intend on dancing much, it was just nice to spend some time with friends. And he wasn’t sitting out alone. John was sitting there, too, with Rose between them. After a while she stood up and said, “guys, it’s a dance. Don’t just sit here all night,” and then walked over to Kanaya. John and Dave exchanged a brief glance, and Dave swallowed his pride. After all, there was no way to know without shooting his shot. He was going to ask Karkat to dance. Enough dancing around it. Dave already knew he wasn’t straight, and he already knew he liked Karkat. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? He pushed up his sleeves, and walked up to Karkat, who was dancing with Terezi.  
“Mind if I cut in?” Dave said, trying to keep his cool.  
“Actually, I _do_ mind, you fuckjamming pungent shitmo—”  
“ _I_ would love to dance, Dave,” Terezi answered, cutting off another patented Karkat tirade and offering Dave her hand. Oh. That wasn’t… well. Why not. Dave took Terezi’s hand and they started turning around the dance floor. Damn. Was Karkat actually shooting him down, or had this been a misunderstanding? Did they both think Dave had actually been asking Terezi to dance? Fuck. “Are you only doing this to get his goat?” Terezi asked, shaking Dave out of his thoughts.  
“What? No.”  
“Dave, we are friends. You can be honest with me; it’s not going to hurt my feelings.” Well he wasn’t doing it just to irritate Karkat, but his temper was sort of funny.  
“Okay, yeah, I think it’s kinda cute when he gets mad. By the way, thanks for that ‘Karkles’ nickname; he hates it so much.”  
“ _Yessss_ I’m so glad that caught on.”  
Maybe he could be honest with Terezi. She seemed grounded enough. “I wanna be straight-up here, TZ, but I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”  
“If you’re worried because I had feelings for you, then I promise you that I am over them.”  
“Whoa, you had feelings for me?”  
“Y…yes. But you didn’t seem interested so I sort of… got over it…”  
“Okay well,” Dave hesitated. Why was telling the truth so hard? Maybe Dave was afraid that if he told someone else, it would be real. But… why was he so afraid of his feelings being real? “To be honest, I kind of meant to ask Karkat to dance? I think I… maybe have a crush on him.” Terezi’s grip on his arms tightened.  
“What!”  
“I know, it’s weird and all but, I don’t know, it’s something I’m still coming to terms with. I haven’t really had feelings like this before, and I don’t know what to do, and Karkat hates me anyway, so… ugh, god, I hate talking about this.”  
Terezi looked up sharply at him, and if she were able to see, Dave would bet they were making eye contact. “Dave… why are there so many scars on your arms?”  
Oh. Shit.  
Dave pulled his hands away from Terezi. “I think I… I need some air,” Dave stammered, running for the doors. As he ran out the door, he crashed into someone else. Karkat. Dave’s sunglasses clattered to the concrete, and he fumbled looking for them for a moment before standing up, realizing that he was coming face to face with Karkat without his shades for the first time.  
“You have red eyes…” Karkat muttered. And then, he got mad. “You have red eyes, you piece of shit, that’s the big secret?!”  
“Wh-what?” Dave’s mind was everywhere but on the color of his eyes.  
“ _That’s_ why you wear your shitty Ben Stiller knockoffs all the time?”  
Dave brought himself together once more and put his shades back on. “First of all, they ain’t knockoffs. They’re the real deal, authentically Stiller, Trademark. Second of all, I’m not so insecure to hide the color of my eyes. I wear them because they’re ironic.”  
“Someone needs to be educated on what ‘irony’ actually means.”  
“Point being it’s not actually about my eyes,” Dave grit his teeth, starting to get frustrated with this line of questioning.  
“Then what the hell is it about?”  
“I told you that it’s none of your business,” Dave shot back. And then Karkat’s tone completely shifted. His face softened; his frown faded and his eyebrows became unknotted with each other.  
“Look… if you need to talk about something…” Karkat said, reaching for Dave’s shoulder.  
“Don’t…don’t touch me,” was all Dave could manage to say. He knew Karkat wouldn’t understand, knew he would get shit about this, and now he was kind of freaking out and the last thing he needed was for Karkat to touch him, but he couldn’t make himself say it in any other way. With a few deep breaths, Dave came back into himself. “You don’t need to worry about me, Karkles. I got it under control.”  
Karkat’s scowl resumed its typical place. “Yeah, whatever. That’s what I get for trying to help.”

Once they got to Homecoming, Dirk became more comfortable with his status as Jake English’s new man-candy, though a good number of the student body seemed shocked that Jake wasn’t quite straight. Jake was the center of the dance floor, and while Dirk wasn’t sure he enjoyed all the attention, he was certainly having a good time. That was, until he looked back to their table and found that Jane and Roxy were gone. Fuck, he _knew_ he shouldn’t have let Roxy drive. She assured them she’d only had _minimal_ drinks that day. Dirk went back to their table, hoping he was wrong and they were just in the bathroom or something, but he was not reassured by Jane returned solo.  
“Where’s Roxy?” he asked Jane as she sank into her chair.  
“Outside, indulging in her usual habits. Where’s Jake?”  
“He’s still out dancing. But… I’m not quite as social as he is.” It really was draining, how many people wanted Jake’s attention. That _ass,_ though. That more than made up for it. Besides, it wasn’t Jake’s fault. He was just a sucker for it. Dirk glanced over at Jane, who looked quite morose, and he felt a bit guilty about it. It was no secret that both of them had been pining over Jake for so long. “Hey, there’s no hard feelings about how things worked out, are there?”  
“Hmm? Oh. No, Dirk, I could never blame you for that. I messed up, trying to tell Jake about things. I’m trying to get through it. The last thing I would want to do is let all our friendships disintegrate over… some hurt feelings.”  
“Good. I’m glad.”  
A silence draped over them once more, but this time, Jane was the one to break it. “Do you ever worry about Roxy?”  
“Of course I do. I wish she’d quit drinking.”  
“Me too.”  
“She may be my cousin, but she’s stubborn as fuck and doesn’t listen to me. That being said, Roxy probably has her shit together more than any of the rest of us, and at the end of the day, I trust her to follow her instincts about what’s right.”  
“I guess so.”  
“She’s the one who’s been keeping shit together. As far as the friendship dynamic goes.”  
“Dirk?”  
“Mm?”  
“You could have graduated early too. Why didn’t you?”  
“Like I said, I’m not as sociable as Jake, or Roxy. Roxy thrives on attention… affection. She has no issue talking to new people and making friends. If I went, she’d be the only person I know, the only person I talked to. I’ll go at my own pace. Plus, I didn’t really want her dragging me off to parties all the time,” Dirk said, letting himself smile a bit. Jane laughed along with him.  
“I suppose that’s fair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops this is late im not on a backlog anymore


	5. Damaged Goods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave deals with his damages; physical and mental.

Dirk woke up to an argument coming from the living room.  
“—think you get to do whatever you want!”  
“I’m not trying to do whatever I want, I’m trying to be like, a normal fucking kid. I don’t know why you want me to act like some sort of hero-in-training.”  
“I’ve _told_ you; if you wanna make it anywhere in this world, you need to be stronger. Now stop being an arrogant little brat and get your ass on the roof.”  
Dirk grabbed his shades and darted to the living room. It was exactly as he expected; Bro and Dave were going at it. He wasn’t sure where Dave’s attitude as of late had come from, but it was causing an alarming amount of friction between the three of them. They weren’t much of a family, but they stuck by each other. Didn’t they?  
“Bro,” Dirk said, trying to diffuse the situation, “we don’t have time for a round right now. Dave and I have to get to school.” Bro didn’t respond, but he tossed his sword aside angrily, letting it clatter to the floor, before getting out of the doorway. Dirk put an arm around Dave’s shoulders and ushered him out the door. “Hey,” Dirk said as soon as they were further down the hall, “why are you testing him like that?”  
“I dunno,” Dave muttered. “I just think he’s hard on me. I’m never gonna be able to live up to his expectations, and I can’t deal with all this pressure.”  
“Come on, dude, he wants you to toughen up a bit. The world is harsher than he’s ever going to be.”  
“He’s harder on me than on you.”  
“Yeah, because I _can_ take him if I had to. You’re not there yet, so he has to push you more.”  
Dave grumbled. Maybe Dirk was right, but was it worth the strain? It seemed like Bro could only push so hard, and Dave could only try so hard, and he was never going to be what Bro wanted him to be, and was what Bro wanted him to be even what Dave wanted in the first place?

Dirk sat with Jane and Jake at lunch, Jane just mulling over her salad. It had to be hard to watch; Jake and Dirk in this new relationship while Jane was still getting over her feelings. Dirk hated to rub her face in it, but he was also just happy to be happy. “So, plans this weekend?” Dirk asked, trying to brighten Jane’s mood a bit.  
“I’m working on scholarships this weekend,” she muttered back.  
“Oh, really? Guess it’s just you and me, then, Jake,” Dirk said, clasping his hand.  
“Ah, I had plans. With Jade,” Jake answered, but it didn’t sound entirely truthful.  
“I thought we could go to a movie or something,” Dirk muttered. Jake didn’t say anything for a moment. “Maybe you could do whatever you’re doing with Jade on Sunday, and we can go out on Saturday night?” Still no response, so Dirk decided to drop it. Was he being _that_ unreasonable? It took him long enough to muster the courage to even ask Jake out; was it so wrong that he wanted them to actually spend time together now that they were boyfriends? He would have to bring it up again later. Now wasn’t the time for them to get in an argument.  
Terezi had been seeming out of sorts and worried, so Dave took it upon himself to have a conversation about things with her.  
"Hey, you alright, TZ?"  
"Yeah, I just...hm. My mom is like, hella pregnant and she doesn't think she needs to stop working yet even though I can tell she's really stressed and I'm worried something's going to go wrong."  
"I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm sure she knows what she's doing."  
"Do you really think adults always know what they're doing?" Terezi asked. A shudder ran up Dave's spine. He got a feeling that she wasn't talking about her mom anymore.  
"Look, it's not what you think."  
"I don't really care if it's what I think it is-- the problem is that you've been hurt, and whether it's by you or your...guardian, your bro or whatever, it should probably stop. But I know you probably aren't going to listen to me; I'm not so self-righteous to think my words are 100 percent true and that I have a full understanding of the situation. I think you know what needs to happen and will make the correct judgement because you're smarter than I think people give you credit for."  
"O-oh. That... wasn't really want I expected you to say."  
"What did you expect me to say, pack your shit and run? Dave, please. I know that's not always an option."  
"...I didn't want this to turn into a conversation about my shitty situation."  
"If you don't want to talk about it, then I can respect that."  
Dave was quiet for a minute. Terezi was concerned, but Dave really appreciated that she wasn't prying. "Ok well just like... talk to your mom; tell her you're worried."  
"Pfft. You think I haven't tried that?" Dave didn't now what else to say, so he just gave Terezi a gentle pat on the shoulder. 

  
When they got home, Dave found that his Spanish book was gone.  
“Ugh… Bro!” Dave called. Bro was in the bedroom doorway before Dave could even blink. “Where’s my Spanish book?”  
“Dunno,” Bro said, but his smirk said otherwise. “Keep better track of your things. And if you end up failing Spanish because of it, guess I’ll have to teach you a lesson myself.” Dave chewed on the inside of his lip. That was _not_ good. Bro was being a dick about it, too. They could almost certainly afford to replace the book, but Dave doubted that’s what it was about. Bro was making a point. They’d have to pay for it at the end of the year anyway. Dave stuck his head out the window by the desk. Sure enough, there was his book, shredded to bits and abandoned in the alley 100 feet below. He let out a groan.  
Dave couldn’t shake this growing, unsettling pit in his stomach all night, and knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not that he really kept normal hours anyway, but he couldn’t focus on any projects either. Instead, he opened Pesterchum.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hey egbert  
TG: i know youre probably asleep arent you  
TG: cause you actually sleep at normal human hours instead of evolving into some kind of nocturnal beast like me and dirk  
TG: im just gonna keep chatting here it keeps my mind occupied  
TG: dude i know you arent into musicals  
TG: neither am i usually  
TG: but rose made me finally listen to hamilton  
TG: shit is lit  
TG: full of founding fathers throwing sick fires at each other  
TG: reminds me of some of my stuff tbh  
TG: remember when i wrote that rap about obama  
TG: i would have voted for him  
TG: if i were old enough to vote that is  
TG: honestly i think its bullshit that we have to be 18 to vote  
TG: doesnt this kind of stuff affect us too?  
TG: you know what else is bullshit?  
TG: the drinking age  
TG: like yeah you can vote and go to war and..  
TG: drive a car i guess  
TG: but god forbid a 19 year old wants to go to a bar  
TG: also that bullshit age limit doesnt do anything anyway  
TG: most people start drinking in college  
TG: if not sooner  
TG: just look at roxy  
EB: dave, what are you talking about?  
TG: you know im not sure at this point  
EB: its one in the morning and we have school tomorrow, why are you even up?  
TG: dunno  
TG: im kinda always up at this hour  
TG: didnt think you would be  
EB: i wasn’t until my phone wouldn’t shut up  
TG: oh shit  
EB: yeah  
TG: well do you want me to go  
TG: i can bug rose instead  
EB: no, you don’t have to  
EB: just don’t blame me if i’m not totally coherent  
TG: alright dude whatever  
EB: you said you were messaging me to keep your mind occupied?  
TG: yeah  
EB: um… occupied from what?  
TG: nothing in particular  
TG: im awake and im bored so i guess i was just rambling in the chat log  
EB: i guess that’s no different than what you usually do :P  
TG: hey most of those arent rambles  
EB: oh, no, not at all  
EB: especially not the 3 page rap about Armageddon  
EB: after you made fun of me for even liking that movie  
TG: i dont have to like a movie to rap about it  
TG: its called irony  
TG: the most ironic one to date was probably about princess bride  
EB: you don’t like princess bride? :O  
TG: no because unlike you i have taste  
EB: i have taste!  
TG: dude you have a whole wall of macconnahey posters  
EB: mccounaughey!  
TG: sounds like a name a horse would make  
TG: ie dumb  
TG: equally dumb are those posters of that clown youve got everywhere  
EB: those are my dad’s  
TG: i meant nic cage  
EB: no way man!  
EB: cage is sweet  
EB: so sweet  
TG: yeah sure whatever  
EB: don’t you have a shitty webcomic to be making?  
TG: sweet bro and hella jeff is the epitome of ironic humor  
TG: and im procrastinating  
EB: i thought you were working on the nancho party arc  
TG: john  
TG: i am truly touched by the fact that youre even keeping up with SBaHJ  
TG: but i bailed on that partway through  
EB: typical strider :P  
TG: maybe i should get some sleep  
TG: wouldnt want to mess up my coolkid reputation by saying something stupid from sleep deprivation  
EB: yeah, it would be a shame if everyone knew what a dork you actually were  
TG: no ones dorkier than you  
TG: anyway see you later

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

Dave sighed, rubbing his eyes, set his sunglasses on the nightstand, and let his head fall to the pillow, knowing sleep wouldn’t come that night.

Dirk noticed the bags under Dave’s eyes the next morning. Maybe it _was_ something bigger than he thought. Apparently it was big enough that Dave stayed up talking to John, and John must have been worried, because he mentioned something to Jane, who then brought it up to Dirk at lunch.  
“Say, Dirk, can I ask you something?”  
“Of course.”  
“John told me that Dave was messaging him late the other night, and he’s been all… out of sorts, I suppose. John seems worried, is anything going on over there?” Dirk didn’t say anything for a moment. Dave and Bro had fought, but it didn’t seem to warrant much to worry about. Brothers fought, didn’t they? “Nothing that I’ve really been made aware of. It might be something between him and Bro, but fuck if either of them will tell me anything.” So, that wasn’t the whole truth, but Dirk didn’t want everyone to worry about it. Maybe _he_ didn’t want to worry about it either, and maybe that was selfish, but he was finally getting Jake to spend more time with him, and thew were both feeling more comfortable about things. Whatever was going on with Dave, he was old enough to handle it himself. At any rate, Jane was smiling, just a bit.  
“Ah. Well, thanks anyway,” she said, and then her phone rang. “Oh! It’s Roxy!”  
“Janeyyyyy!” Dirk heard Roxy sing.  
“Hi Roxy!”  
“Janey go sit on the other side, I wanna see the boys.” Jane got up, sitting on the end, next to Dirk, and tried to get all three of them into the frame. “Hey everyone—okay, okay, I can’t talk long, but—get this. I am gonna throw a SICK Halloween party,” Roxy beamed. “Mom’s gonna be gone, and I got some college buds with the hookup.” Jane and Dirk glanced at each other. This didn’t really seem like a great idea. But Jake didn’t seem to agree.  
“Top! It’s been a right shame not being able to do bugger all together.” Dirk hesitated. He wanted to go along with Jake’s enthusiasm, and he also wanted all of them to hang out together. It had been so long, and part of that was because Dirk wanted to spend more time alone with Jake, but also because it had been made harder to make plans with Roxy, and he didn’t want Jane to feel like a third wheel.  
“He’s got a point,” Dirk said.  
“Oh,” Jane sighed, then smiled. “Sure, why not?”

Across the cafeteria, the younger kids were making their Halloween plans as well.  
“Hey, guys, my parents are out of town,” Tavros said, unexpectedly. Dave blinked at him. He always seemed so shy, but was _he_ the one about to suggest an adult-free Halloween party? “So I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?” Vriska laughed.  
“That’s ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?”  
“Ummmm, I don’t know… Rufioh’s in charge.”  
“Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey nieghbor babysitting this time?”  
“I haven’t seen Mr. Boxcars around the last couple days. I think it should be fine.” Dave just wanted to shake his head at the entire interaction. This was exactly why Dave didn’t think John should be getting too close to her; she was, in a word, kind of a bitch. It was clear he pushed Tavros around, and Dave would hate to see John treated the same way.  
“That sounds fun, Tavros. It’s been a while since we all had a party,” Terezi said. Dave mentally thanked her for stepping in.  
“I’ve been meaning to host more!” Feferi added. “I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house.”  
“Th-that’s okay, Fef, you shouldn’t have to host all the time,” Tavros said. “So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween.”  
“Halloween sucks, though,” Sollux said. Dave caught Feferi nudge him in the arm, and his attitude shifted. “Ah—fine, sounds like a plan, then.”  
“Yeah?” Tavros said, excitement in his voice. Dave, John, Rose, and Jade didn’t say anything, but Dave didn’t have a doubt they would be along for the ride. Whatever, it wasn’t actually that important. What _was_ important was dealing with his Spanish book. Well, he usually walked to class with Karkat. He didn’t know how to broach this whole thing; how to explain the situation, so he ended up falling a bit behind Karkat as he took a pit stop to his locker.  
“Karkles,” Dave said as Karkat shut his locker, Spanish book in hand.  
“I hate that nickname,” Karkat muttered, glaring at Dave. “What do you want?”  
“Just wanted to ask if I can borrow your textbook for the homework.”  
“What happened to yours?”  
“Lost it,” Dave muttered. Well, it was kind of true.  
“Ugh. Yeah, I _guess,”_ Karkat hissed, “but if you do _anything_ with it, I swear to God…”  
“Yeah, I know,” Dave cut him off. He wasn’t really in the mood to deal with one of Karkat’s tantrums. “I’m a fucking inarticulate asswipe for even daring to ask. Anyway you’re doing me a huge favor. If I fuck up this year Bro is gonna kick my ass.” Dave caught himself. That probably wasn’t the right phrase to use. Karkat just raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for Dave to explain. Dave felt like he was screwed. Karkat was going to be weird about it no matter _what_ Dave said. “Can you just forget I said that?”  
“What the fuck are you talking about? That your guardian is gonna kick your ass? That’s a perfectly normal turn of phrase and I wouldn’t have thought anything of it until you brought it to my attention, so now I’m going to god damn drag the truth out of you because whether I like you or not, what I now suspect is happening shouldn’t be happening. So, Dave, does your brother kick your ass?”  
“Pfft. No. That’s ridiculous.” Dave knew he was a terrible liar when he did have to outright lie. That’s why he always told half-truths. Karkat could see right through him.  
“David.”  
Dave was ready to lose it. “Karkat, that’s not my name and you know it. Why the fuck is everyone suddenly acting like they know what’s best for me? You, Terezi, Rose… I’m not some helpless child. I know how to take care of myself; I’ve basically been doing it my whole life.”  
“And you don’t realize that’s a problem? You’re not _supposed_ to take care of yourself, that’s what guardians are _for._ For once would you swallow your pride instead of standing there choking on it? If you don’t tell people what’s going on, especially in this kind of situation, then you’re gonna die.”  
“You want me to tell you the truth?” Dave said, feeling his voice wavering. He was genuinely angry now; why was everyone pushing this so hard? And why did it hurt more coming from Karkat? He’d wanted Karkat to notice him, in some way, but not like this. “Fine, jackass, I’ll tell you the fucking truth.” Dave slid his flannel off one arm, allowing Karkat to see all his bruises; purple and yellow and everything in between, and all the scars that trailed along his arm. And he remembered Karkat giving him shit about his sunglasses. “The shades… well, I wear them all the time. But it doesn’t hurt on the occasion that I get a black eye or some shit. Everyone who sees this shit… they think the same thing, but it’s not… what it looks like,” Dave said. Was he trying to convince Karkat, or himself? “Things get rough, sure, but it’s… he’s training me. We strife on the roof, with our swords, like… practice fights. When he’s home, that is.” Karkat’s jaw had dropped. They’d slowly made their way to the Spanish class, well aware that they were about to be late, but this conversation wasn’t over.  
“Dave, that’s _not normal._ Your Bro shouldn’t be training you on the roof; he shouldn’t be leaving bruises; he shouldn’t be pulling goddamn swords on you. Ever. And what about when he’s _not_ home?”  
“He goes on gigs with Lil Cal, or just up and disappears for a while.”  
“And does that not strike you as potentially being goddamn child neglect?”  
“Nah, Dirk and I have things handled.”  
“Fine. Whatever,” Karkat growled.  
“Yeah, whatever. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dave said, and walked into the classroom. Why was everyone suddenly acting like they knew what was best for Dave? Why couldn’t they just trust him to handle himself? And this was almost a scarier thought, but, what if they were all _right?  
_

To make things even better, Rose tried prying things out of him _again_ in History class.  
“Terezi kind of dropped a bomb on me at the dance,” Rose said calmly. Dave hadn’t even made it to his seat yet and they were starting on this.  
“Shit,” he muttered.  
“So when I asked you if everything was alright, you lied?”  
“No. You said it yourself, I’m a terrible liar. I told you we strife on the roof.”  
Rose gave Dave a withering glare, and he found himself actually rescinding from her. “You lied by omission and you know it. You assured me you could handle your own, but apparently you’re getting sliced like Thanksgiving turkey, and the fact that you couldn’t trust me with this is—”  
“Rose, can you chill, please?” Dave said, not wanting to attract too much attention. He’d _just_ hashed this out with Karkat, and he really couldn’t bear to have the conversation again. “It’s under control.”  
Rose sighed. “Fine, Dave, but if things escalate, you have to promise you’ll tell me.”  
Dave huffed a little. He couldn’t promise to tell her. “Sure,” he said, anyway, hoping to put the matter at rest for the time being.

On Saturday morning, Dave found a note. _Bro. Roof. Now._ Yet again, Bro was waiting for him. Dave looked at the note, then sighed, and grabbed a sword. Dirk glanced at him, heading up the stairs, then at the note, and decided to grab a sword as well.  
“What’re you doing?” Dave asked as Dirk headed up behind him.  
“Just observing,” Dirk said. “I wanna see your progress.” But that wasn’t entirely true; Dirk was getting more concerned about this rift between Bro and Dave. Maybe it was more serious than he’d realized. It was clear when they both got up to the roof that Bro was _not happy._ Dave braced himself immediately, and for good reason. Bro flashstepped over to him and swung, hard. Dave only just barely managed to catch it in midair and pushed back. Bro gritted his teeth.  
“You’ve been out of line, little man,” he said. Dave pushed Bro off of him, and braced himself for another move. “What, just gonna stand there and play defense?” Bro taunted. “Come on! Come fight me!” Dave stood his ground, and Bro charged again. Instead of taking the brunt of his swing, Dave stepped around him and tried to give a blow to Bro’s back with the hilt of his sword. Bro turned and grabbed Dave’s wrist, throwing him across the roof. Dave tumbled across the floor. Dirk winced. This was hard to watch. As Dave started to stand up, Bro taunted him again. “You know why you won’t attack? You’re a coward, Dave.”  
“Big talk from someone who gets his kicks off beating up a teenager,” Dave called back, and immediately regretted it. Bro charged at him, slashing wildly.  
“You need to watch your mouth!” Dave managed to block him, but he was slowly being pushed back. “Arrogant little shit!”  
“Bro! You’re pushing him too hard!” Dirk called out, now scared for his younger brother. They were getting close to the edge of the roof. Dave felt his feet sliding back as Bro put more force on their clashing swords. With one more powerful thrust, Dave went tumbling off the edge, landing on the fire escape not far below. There was a pain in his chest. Maybe something was broken? Well, at least there was a fire escape there. If not, then… well, he’d probably be dead. And Bro… Bro wasn’t coming for him. Had he _known_ there was a fire escape? There was no way. Dave could be dead right now, and Bro didn’t even bother checking. Maybe his friends were right. This wasn’t how family was supposed to treat each other. Dave sat up, wincing. His back was aching, and his chest felt like it was on fire. That was it. He couldn’t stay here anymore.  
“Dave?!” Dirk called, peering over the side of the roof where Dave had fallen.  
“Hey,” Dave called back weakly.  
“Oh, thank God you’re okay,” Dirk muttered, having expected the worst. He then ran back towards the stairs as Bro was retreating. “Bro, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dirk said as Bro tried to make his way back inside.  
“Get out of the way.”  
“No, you just pushed our 14 year old brother off the roof! You’re not even going to check if he’s okay?”  
“He refused to fight back. Refused to be a man. He’s a _coward.”  
_ “You’re the coward,” Dirk said. “You fight him because you know you’ll win. You use him as a punching bag, don’t you?” Bro raised his sword at Dirk, and Dirk raised his own sword in return. “Don’t forget, I’m stronger than him. Maybe it’ll make you feel some kind of sympathy for Dave if I push you off the roof, too.” Bro snarled, but didn’t make a move to attack. Dirk glowered at him, but let him pass, since he needed to help Dave back up. He darted back towards where Dave had fallen, and lowered the ladder. Dave managed to climb up, but struggled to breathe as he did so. He was _not_ in good shape. “Come on,” Dirk said. “Let’s get you back to the apartment, and I’ll take a look at what happened.”

Dave sat shirtless on the bar stool in the kitchen, his mind numb to everything that had happened. Dirk was looking at the bruises on his chest and back. His chest definitely looked worse, swelling underneath his pecs. Dirk poked at it a bit, and Dave winced.  
“Oh man,” Dirk muttered. “Definitely looks like a broken rib.”  
“Broken?”  
“Or cracked, anyway. Not much to be done about it besides ice it, to keep the swelling down.”  
“Man,” Dave sighed, but he wasn’t thinking about that. He was thinking about how to get away from Bro.  
“It’s fucked up, Dave.”  
“My rib? Yeah, I fucking know, thanks for the enlightenment.”  
“No. Bro. Why didn’t you ever tell me how hard he is on you?”  
“I… thought it was for my own good. But today was… this is too much.” Dirk didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what there was to say. He felt so shitty for not knowing. Could he have stopped such a severe injury? Could he have been a better brother to Dave? Well, now he knew. All he had to do was keep Dave and Bro from those one-on-one battles. He could do that. Bro didn’t actually want to fight Dirk; not if there was a risk of _him_ losing. Dirk’s silence just confirmed what Dave had thought. Dirk didn’t think it was a problem.  
Dave couldn’t do anything about his rib except function as normal. He and Dirk looked it up; doctors couldn’t really splint it, and even if they could, there was no way Dave was going to a doctor to have to explain that _his brother let him fall off the roof._ He didn’t want to be there anymore, but he didn’t want Bro to get arrested or anything. So Dave toughed it out. He knew it would be like, 2 months before he was actually healed _._ Dave had to assure Dirk he would be fine when he went to Roxy’s Halloween party that first night, and that was true enough, as Dave would be at his own party.

Dirk was, admittedly, quite hesitant to go to Roxy’s party. He was worried about enabling her drinking problem by condoning such a party, and it was _crowded as hell,_ for another matter. Dirk squeezed Jake’s hand as they shifted through the crowd. It was loud and bright and Dirk already felt overwhelmed, and they’d only just arrived. Dirk opted to _not_ drink, which was clearly not the choice that Roxy was making, as she was on her third martini since Dirk and Jake arrived. It was clear that she missed them, since she was spending more time talking to them than hosting the rest of the party, but seeing her so intoxicated was just another thing for Dirk to worry about.  
“Dirk, youou dun look so goo…you alrigh’?” Roxy slurred at him.  
“Uh. Not really,” he answered truthfully.  
“Dirk, let’s go upstairs for a bit. Get you away from the blasted crowd,” Jake said, grabbing Dirk’s hand with the one that was not currently occupied by a beer bottle. Dirk nodded at him and they went slowly up the stairs.  
“Sorry,” Dirk muttered as they retired into one of the guest rooms.  
“Oh, malarkey,” Jake said. “It was meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day, but I can see it’s left you a bit discombobulated.” Jake sat on the bed next to Dirk, running fingers through his hair.  
“Yeah, I guess I am a bit _discombobulated,”_ Dirk said, smiling a bit. “Your vocabulary is so eclectic.”  
“Is it?”  
“Jake, have you ever heard anyone else use words like ‘dadblasted’?” Dirk snorted a bit. “It’s so fucking cute, though.”  
“Oh,” Jake said, his cheeks brightening. Jake really was sweet, taking time out of the party despite neither of them having spent a ton of time with Roxy to help calm him down. He was adorable, with his glasses and buck teeth and cheesy smile. Dirk sat up, leaning more and more into him, and Jake closed their gap and kissed Dirk. They’d kissed before, but always just little pecks, and sometimes some light making out. This was something different. This was something special, and before Dirk could realize what he was doing, he was on top of Jake, fingers loitering under his waistband. “Dirk,” Jake muttered into his lips. Dirk kissed down Jake’s neck. “Dirk,” Jake said again, this time louder. Dirk had such a fire inside his chest, and lower. His hands were at the fly of Jake’s shorts, already fiddling with the button. He just wanted to keep going, keep kissing every inch of Jake, but Jake pushed harshly against him and sat up. “What the devilfuckin dickens, Dirk? I…”  
“I—sorry. I got carried away. You’re just so…” Dirk’s voice trailed and he tried to pull Jake towards him again.  
“Dirk, stop! I… I’m not ready for that. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”  
“What the hell do you mean?” Dirk said, feeling unreasonably upset about the sudden change of events.  
“I… I don’t know that we’re sexually compatible. I mean, rather… that is to say…” Dirk waited for Jake to stop tripping over his words. “For frig’s flippin’ sake, Dirk. I think I’m asexual.”  
Dirk faltered. “Well… why didn’t you tell me that before we started dating?” God, how far outside of his comfort zone had Dirk pushed him?  
“I didn’t think you would ask me out! Just fuckin… _shucks,_ buster. I know I haven’t quite been forthcoming but I didn’t think you would be so overzealous about… intimacy. I didn’t think you would understand if I told you that I can’t.”  
“You didn’t think I would understand? We’re _boyfriends._ I’m _supposed_ to support you, and you’re supposed to be _honest_ with me. If you told me, I wouldn’t push for it.”  
“Just… argh,” Jake groaned. “Cheese and fucking crackers. I can’t do this right now,” Jake said, and he marched down the stairs and out the front door, leaving Dirk watching him leave from the top of the stairs. What a fucking disaster.

As unfortunate as it was for Dave, Bro was the only one available to drive him and the others to Tavros’ party. Dave wanted to put as much distance as possible between him and Bro, but that was hard in the car. He leaned against the window, not saying a word the whole time, which proved difficult when Bro got lost. When the kids finally arrived at the party, they were very clearly late, and a round of “7 Minutes in Heaven” was happening.  
“John!” Vriska called as they came in the door. “You’re just in time; we’re playing 7 Minutes in Heaven.”  
“Oh, okay,” John said, and Dave followed him to the side where the boys had lined up.  
“Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous. Besdies, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?” Sollux lisped. For once, Dave agreed with him. This was stupid.  
“Shut your lispy mouth, asshat. You don’t have to play, but there’s always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams. I have taken the liberty of putting all the ladies’ names into this hat, and all the boys’ into Terezi’s. Tavros, if you would do the honors?”  
Tavros reached into Vriska’s pirate hat. “Um, Aradia…?” Tavros said. Vriska ushered Aradia into the closet, and then fished another piece of paper from Terezi’s hat.  
“And our lucky guy is…Equius Zahhak!” Dave rolled his eyes. This whole thing was stupid. He was one of the first to leave the crowd, finding a spot to sit in the kitchen.  
“Man, was that awkward,” Dave said.  
“Yeah, there was something weird about that. Did you see how everyone reacted when Equius’ name was called?”  
Dave looked at Rose, trying to subtly tell her it was fine; it was about time he told John. “I believe Dave meant the nature of the game itself.”  
“Yeah, I just mean,” Oh god, this was harder than he thought, not to mention simply breathing was a pain for him. “I don’t see why it even has to be split by gender.” The way John was looking so quizzically at him, fuck. “Listen, all I’m saying is not everybody is into the opposite gender, and we shouldn’t assume that.”  
“Dave, are you… are you gay?” John asked. There were two pains in Dave’s chest. Nobody told him coming out would be that hard.  
“Man, I wouldn’t say that. I’m into girls, but I wouldn’t mind dating a guy. I’unno.”  
“So… you’re bi?”  
“Don’t try and put a label on it, Egbert. I’m just saying, people are attractive. Why limit myself to one or the other?”  
There was a long pause. It felt like an eternity while Dave waited for John’s response. “Okay, Dave, I guess that makes sense.”  
“It seems a certain propensity for a… lack of heterosexuality runs in the family, dear cousin.”  
“Yeah, Lalonde, I know. You’re gay as shit,” Dave said, grinning at her. It felt good to just razz each other about it, and not feel like it was some big secret anymore.  
“What?” John asked.  
“Dude, Rose is the biggest lesbian to ever lesbian.”  
“Dave! Try having a little tact!” Jade chimed in. “You’re going to give John a heart attack.”  
“Wait, Jade, you knew?” John looked oddly at the three of them.  
“Yeah… we all knew about each other except for you.”  
“To be fair, John,” Rose said, “I only drug it out of Dave recently, and that was only due to uncanny knowledge of his mind through familial bonds. And Jade has been having her own problems.”  
“Jade, you’re not straight either?” John asked. Dave was getting the impression that he wasn’t happy about being left out.  
“Well… I don’t know! I’ve been doing a lot of reading, and I don’t really know about sexuality! But, the romantic spectrum is a whole different thing, and I think I might be aromantic! I don’t know for sure, but that’s how I feel right now.”  
“So… what you guys are telling me is that I’m the only straight person out of the four of us?”  
“Yeah, I guess,” Jade said.  
“Guess you’re the token straight friend,” Dave said. “And…don’t look now, but I’m pretty sure most of Karkat’s friends aren’t quite straight either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh this was supposed to be up on saturday but it wasn't finished and also its VERY LONG. anyway hoping to start updating 3 times a week (tues/thurs/sat) because I'm writing a lot lately.


	6. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finds somewhere safe to be; everyone else forms a search party.

Dave, once again, was not happy to be in the car with Bro, but it was best to keep up appearances. As soon as they got home, Dave took his costume off, changed back into regular clothes, and waited until he knew Bro had gone to bed, praying that he would actually make it to his bedroom and not pass out on the couch. Once Dave knew that Bro was asleep, he threw some clothes, a sleeping bag, and all his school books—including the Spanish one that he’d basically stolen from Karkat, poor kid was probably doing his homework in the library every day—into his backpack, went up to the roof, and down the fire escape where he’d previously cracked his ribs. This fire escape was now a symbol; the place where he realized his life was fucked up. The question now was, where to go? There was Rose’s place. They got along; they could goof around with each other, but talking to her so frequently was bound to get exhausting. He didn’t want to burden his aunt, either, as she was busy with her book tours and such. There was Jade, but he wasn’t sure about that, either. He didn’t want to get in the middle of things with Jake and Dirk, though they’d seemed fairly inseparable. Better safe than sorry. That left John. He knew how to get there from the apartment, but it was bound to take longer on foot.  
After about 40 minutes, Dave found himself breathing heavily, causing the pain in his ribs to flare up, but he was outside John’s house. “Okay, Strider, now what?” Dave muttered to himself. The gate… it probably wasn’t locked. They never locked the back gate; who would just walk into your backyard in the safe, safe suburbs? Apparently, Dave Strider would. Once in the backyard, it was just a simple matter of climbing the trellis outside of John’s window. Dave hoisted himself up, sat on the small roof section, and knocked on the window. He could see John fumbling around inside, grabbing his glasses before opening the window. Dave climbed in, hoisting up his backpack behind him.  
“Dave?”  
“It’s a long story. Listen, I need to crash here for a while.”  
“Wh- why?” God, how much did Dave want to tell him? Simultaneously everything and nothing. Instead of answering right away, Dave succumbed to how goddamn tired he actually was and basically fell into a heap on John’s floor, not even worried about the sunglasses slipping down his face.  
“It’s… fucking Bro, dude. I just can’t… live with him anymore. It’s really complicated.” John stood over Dave, fidgeting with his own glasses.  
“I thought you got along with Bro?”  
“Bro’s a piece of shit!” Dave blurted, and then hated himself for saying it. Maybe that _was_ how he really felt, but the fact was that Dave’s feelings about Bro were complicated right now. It wasn’t that long ago he was convincing himself everything was fine. “Just… listen. Listen. I just need somewhere to stay for about a month. Until Dirk turns 18.” They hadn’t talked about it, but Dave just _hoped_ Dirk could be his legal guardian once he was of age. That was the only good solution he could think of. John sank into his bed, and Dave sat up to look at him. “Bro does shit…says shit… he straight up leaves for months at a time, on ‘business trips’… Dirk does okay because… I think it’s because he’s older. More resourceful? Me? I can’t… I’m tired of fighting, John,” Dave said, and fell back onto the floor. He hoped John would understand.  
“Well, of course you can stay here if you need to! But… we need to talk to my dad and Jane’s dad in the morning. And make sure Dirk at least knows you’re here. I… I understand if you don’t want Bro to know, but Dirk should know you’re safe.” Dave figured John was right. Dirk deserved at least that. He _had_ been sticking his neck out for him lately. Maybe Dirk was just as sick of Bro’s shit as Dave was. Dave had no idea if that was the case; they didn’t make a habit of talking about their feelings, and maybe that was Bro’s doing too. They were always told not to be so emotional; so soft. Man. It just wasn’t right.  
“Sure,” Dave agreed, and started fishing his sleeping bag out of the backpack. John tossed a pillow at him.  
“Hey Dave?” John asked.  
“Yeah?”  
“Why didn’t you go to Rose’s? You guys are cousins; it would make sense.”  
“Please. I can’t be surrounded by Lalondes. Especially Rose, she’d psychoanalyze the shit out of me,” Dave said, laughing a bit, and John laughed too, and it was the best moment Dave had in weeks, despite how small it was. But John’s tone shifted quickly; a bit too quickly for Dave’s liking.  
“Hey Dave… one other question.” Dave already knew this was coming; he knew this would come as soon as he came out to John. “Sorry if this is awkward, but… did you ever have a crush on me?”  
Dave let out a sigh. He always dreaded this. His head dropped onto the pillow. Maybe it would be easier if he didn’t have to look at John. “Yes,” Dave said, and though he wanted to leave it at that, John deserved an explanation. His best friend deserved an explanation. “Through most of middle school. Bro doesn’t like labels, and Dirk is gay… but I never thought about it until I met you. I mean… we were like 12 so of course I didn’t think about it, but when I started going through puberty, Bro would say things like ‘guess you have to carry on the Strider name’, and ‘there’s got to be one straight cousin, right little man?’ And… I shrugged it off, because I could fake it. I could fake being straight because you clearly were, and there was no way you were gonna go for it. So I never said anything, to you _or_ Bro. For different reasons. And I told myself that when I got into high school I wasn’t gonna stress out about it anymore. There are other issues now. There always are. But… yeah. TLDR; I liked you but thought it would ruin our friendship so I hid.”  
“So…”  
“Don’t worry dude, I’m over it. Don’t make it weird.”

Dirk was just standing at the door after Jake’s abrupt departure, and that’s where Jane found him; looking forlornly into the night.  
“Dirk? Are you okay?” Dirk blinked, bringing himself back into the moment. “Yeah… yeah. Jake just left,” he said, almost letting his guard drop until he realized it wasn’t just Jane there. “Jane, you got a shadow there.”  
“Oh dear! Callie, this is Dirk. Dirk, Calliope.”  
“Dirk Strider,” he repeated to Calliope before shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you.”  
“Dirk Strider? The name rings a bell.”  
“Oh. I…” Dirk’s voice trailed. It was sort of embarrassing to admit, but his blog had gotten somewhat well-known, and he wondered if that was where Callie had heard his name. “I have a tumblr… I draw art and stuff.”  
“Ah! timaeusTestified, is that correct? My… ugh. My brother is a fan of yours.”  
“What’s his handle?”  
“undyingUmbrage.”  
_Ohhhhhh,_ THAT asshole. He was one of Dirk’s biggest, albeit most annoying, fans, always demanding crude pictures and sending in vulgar messages if Dirk didn’t comply. Not that it actually _bothered_ Dirk, but it did give Dirk an idea of what this guy was like. “Oh, really? You seem nothing like him.”  
“Yes, well, we may be twins, but we could not be more different.”  
“Well, I’m… it’s nice to meet you,” Dirk stammered. God, he hated parties. “Jane, where’s Roxy?”  
Jane let out a sigh. “She overdid it. Upstairs. Passed out.”  
“Wow, it’s only…” Dirk checked his watch. “Oh shit, it’s 2 in the morning. Still. Not like her to take more than she can handle. Think she’ll feel it in the morning?”  
“Very likely. I was just holding her hair back over the toilet 20 minutes ago.” Dirk hummed at Jane, and then tried to signal to her in a subtle way that he needed a moment with her. Jane was one of the few people that Dirk was willing to let in, and since Jake was not available at the moment, he _really_ needed to talk to her alone. He just hoped that she was still just as intuitive as she’d been from the moment they met. Thankfully, Jane gave him a subtle nod, then put a hand on Callie’s shoulder. “Could you excuse us for a moment?”  
“Why, yes, of course!” Callie said, and she went back towards the main party. Dirk and Jane went out the door and sat on the stoop.  
“So… Dirk. Are you really okay?”  
“I can honestly say that… I’ve been better.”  
“Is it Jake?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Odd that he left, I didn’t even get to say hello.”  
“Jane?”  
“Yes?”  
“I… think I may be a terrible boyfriend for him,” Dirk admitted. Things had been okay, but they’d also been superficial. They _looked_ like a good couple, but neither of them really seemed to understand the other. Neither of them seemed to know how to be there for the other, and Dirk was afraid he’d rushed into things, and pushed Jake into things too quickly. Plus their whole debacle that evening. Dirk knew he hadn’t handled it well.  
“Oh Dirk, honey, don’t say that. Did something specific happen?”  
“Tonight? Yeah, I… I was overwhelmed by the party and we were upstairs, and he was trying to calm me down. We just… were taking some time, so I could breathe. Laying on the bed in the spare bedroom, and… I did something stupid. I didn’t know he wasn’t… maybe I should message him.”  
“Dirk,” Jane said.  
“I…” Dirk was cracking at the seams. There were too many emotions inside of him and he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take it trying to pretend everything was fine, trying to hide all his feelings away from the world to look strong. He couldn’t stand pretending to be so cool and calculated all the time when the truth was that he was just as confused and lost as anyone else. “I kissed him once I was feeling better, and… I don’t know, I got caught up in the heat of the moment. Let me know if I’m oversharing.” Jane nodded at him. “Well, Jake and I have made out before… he always seems a bit unsure but he’s never told me no. Tonight I got a little over-eager, I suppose, and started undoing his pants, and he immediately pushed me off! He said that he wasn’t sure if he was ready, or if he would be ready any time soon, and… I don’t know, it just made me feel really terrible, because obviously I recognized that… that kissing so intensely made him uncomfortable, and I kept doing it anyway. Because I’m a selfish asshole. And before we could sort it out, he left.”  
Jane sort of pursed her lips, and Dirk felt like he already knew what she was going to say. “Well, to be honest, I can’t say I blame him, but… just give it time, Dirk. Maybe you can message him in the morning.”  
“You’re probably right… you usually are,” Dave conceded as he stood from the stoop. “I feel bad, though. For you, I mean.”  
“Why? You haven’t done anything to me.”  
“You and Jake don’t seem as close as you did… before.”  
“Oh,” Jane paused for a moment. “Yes, well, he hasn’t exactly made it a point to talk to me so much anymore, but I don’t blame you for that.” Dirk didn’t say anything for a moment. Of course Jane wouldn’t blame him; Jake was capable of making his own decisions about who to talk to; about who to spend time with. But Dirk had been railing him into spending pretty much every weekend together, just because Dirk was insecure about the relationship. Not even that; insecure about his own identity. So it _was_ his fault that there was a rift in Jane and Jake’s friendship, and he didn’t know how to tell her that.  
“At any rate, I’m not feeling up to the party anymore; I’m going to head home. Need a ride?”  
“No… I’m going to stay and help Roxy clean up in the morning… make sure she’s okay.”  
“It’s not the cleaning she’ll need help with; she’s gonna have to face the wrath of Rose,” Dirk said with a laugh. Jane smiled back and pulled Dirk into a hug, one that was very welcome before Dirk went back to his car.

Things were quiet when Dirk got home. Too quiet. Bro was asleep, but usually Dave was awake, working on _something._ “Dave?” Dirk called out, moving towards Dave’s room. If he was gone, he didn’t want to let on to Bro too soon. Dirk pushed Dave’s bedroom door open, only to find an empty room. “Oh shit,” Dirk muttered, and immediately pulled out his phone.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Jane  
TT: Have you heard anything from John?  
TT: I just got home and Dave isn’t here  
TT: And I know you said John has been asking about him.  
TT: Shit, you’re probably asleep already, aren’t you?  
TT: Let me know, ASAP.

Shit, he should have figured Jane was asleep. She wasn’t at home anyway. Who else could Dirk call? Roxy? He dialed her number, only to find no answer. He dialed again, quite pointlessly. He knew she was passed out, but maybe getting the word around would help. He tapped out a message as he went back out to his truck, hoping to get a move on the search as soon as possible.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Rox.  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Please, this is urgent.  
TT: You’re passed out, aren’t you?  
TT: God damn it.  
TT: Okay well hopefully you’ll wake up soon and see this.  
TT: I got home around 2am after the party, and Dave wasn’t here.  
TT: I’m going looking for him.  
TT: Gonna drive around, I guess.  
TT: I’m really kind of…  
TT: Panicking.  
TT: So.  
TT: I could use some help trying to find him.  
TT: Let me know when you get this.

Where was that damn party he went to? Dirk tried to remember, but it wasn’t a friend’s name he was familiar with. He started winding through downtown, hoping Dave hadn’t gotten far, and when that was a bust, he checked all the parks and shelters near the high school, and drove around in a circuit through everywhere he could think of in town. It was around 4am now, with no luck. Maybe Rose would know. Instead of pestering her, Dirk actually called her phone.   
“Mm, hello?” she murmured, sounding quite groggy.  
“Rose, are you home? Have you heard from Dave?”  
“No to both questions. Why?”  
“Dave’s missing.”  
“Oh, God. Okay. I’ll go get Roxy.”

Another hour passed before Dirk was starting to lose hope, and Roxy messaged him back.

TG: oh shit dirkyyy  
TG: rose just woke me up  
TT: Roxy, I’ve been looking for three hours, where could he be?  
TG: i dunno  
TG: but were gonna look for him too  
TT: Are you okay to drive?  
TG: i just gotta down some coffee ill be good  
TT: Okay.  
TT: I’ll let you know if I hear anything.  
TG: same here

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

Even with the whole family looking, Dirk had an unhappy pit in his stomach. This was all his fault. If he’d just _known_ what was going on, if he’d put a stop to it sooner, maybe Dave wouldn’t have left. Maybe he wouldn’t be missing. God, Dirk was really just a shit boyfriend _and_ a shit brother. He parked his car for a moment, feeling an absolute breakdown coming on, and also knowing he would only allow himself to have it because nobody else was around. “God _damn_ it!” he yelled, slamming his fists against the steering wheel. “Dirk, you dumb motherfucker, you ignorant motherfucker!” Tears were rolling down his face freely, and as angry and distraught and frustrated with himself Dirk was, it almost felt _good_ to let himself cry. A crushing weight of guilt began to settle down on him. If Dave was out there, freezing and starving because Dirk couldn’t read the damn signs; if Dave was dying because of _him,_ Dirk wouldn’t be able to live with himself. After letting himself be emotional for a few minutes, Dirk managed to compose himself and return to his search, now considering checking some of the abandoned alleyways he’d passed in downtown.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: cant find him anywhere dirky :((((  
TG: seriously i am so sad and scared for him  
TT: Me too, Rox.  
TT: I don’t know what to do.  
TT: Wait.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: hey bro  
TG: uh  
TG: sorry i didnt say anything sooner but  
TG: im okay  
TG: im at johns  
TT: Oh thank God.  
TT: You had me and Roxy out all night looking for you.  
TG: im sorry  
TT: Don’t be stupid, we’re just glad you’re okay.  
TT: I’m the one who should be sorry.  
TG: what why  
TT: Should have noticed how bad things were for you.  
TG: nah its fine  
TG: you and i both like to pretend things arent so bad so  
TG: i dont blame you or anything  
TT: Dave, I’m gonna get us out of there.  
TT: I promise.  
TT: For now, stay safe.  
TG: okay  
TG: you should sleep maybe  
TT: Yeah, okay.

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: wait what  
TG: ???  
TG: dirk?  
TT: Sorry  
TT: It was Dave.  
TG: !!!  
TG: HES OKAY  
TT: Yeah, he’s at John’s.  
TG: oh thank god  
TG: why’d he bail?  
TT: I’ll tell you about it later.  
TT: Right now I need some sleep.  
TG: yeh ok fair enough  
TG: get some rest cuz <3

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

When Dirk got home, all he wanted to do was collapse onto the bed, but of course Bro was in the way.  
“Where is he?”  
“What makes you think _I_ know?” Dirk scowled at him.  
“Weren’t you just looking for him?”  
“Yeah, and I _didn’t_ find him. You think I would leave him out there alone if I had?”  
“I’m not an idiot, Dirk.”  
“Could’ve fooled me. Anyway, I don’t know where he is. If you don’t watch it, you’re gonna end up without any brothers at all. _Then_ who will you take your emotional baggage out on? Sorry, that you think taking dick makes you less of a man, and sorry that you’re pent up and aggressive about it, but some of us have healthier relationships with our feelings than that. And Dave deserves better than a shitty guardian like you."   
Bro snorted derisively. “You think you could win a fight with me? You think I would give you the opportunity?”  
“Why are you so scared to find out?” Somehow, that was enough to shut Bro up. Shut _Braiden_ up. Dirk refused to look at him as his brother anymore. He finally got to fall onto the bed. Jesus fuck. What a night. His head was pounding from the combination of adrenaline and stress. He needed to go back to sleep. But judging from Bro’s volume in the other room, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Sounded like he was yelling into the phone.  
“I _was_ handling him! He’s a little coward who needs to shape up. Besides, I have businesses to run, I can’t be here all the time… oh please, I was _training_ him. Yeah right it’s a load of shit! You don’t want the girls—okay, well it’s not up to you, and you’re being a bitch about it… God damn it, Rowan, you’re not my mother! So you think you know better than me? What’re you gonna do, take him from me? Ah, so that’s where he ran to. If he’s not there, then where is he? Bitch!” And so on it went. Then _his_ phone started going off, too.

tentacleTherapist [TT1] began pestering timeausTestified [TT2]

TT1: So what exactly is going on over there?  
TT2: Probably exactly what is going on over there.  
TT2: Your mother is pissed, isn’t she?  
TT1: Yes. I bet Braiden is also yelling into the phone.  
TT2: He was pissed when he realized Dave bailed.  
TT2: Surprised he didn’t turn on me with the damn sword.  
TT1: Did you train with them too?  
TT2: Yeah, but…  
TT2: I guess I never thought too much about it.  
TT2: Braiden and I can both hold our own.  
TT2: He always spouted stuff about wanting Dave to be stronger, to fight back.  
TT2: I didn’t realize how much pressure that put Dave under.  
TT2: The more I think about it the more I realize that it’s probably Bro’s way of taking out his anger.  
TT1: That’s fucked up.  
TT2: Yeah, I know that now.  
TT2: I think the triggering factor was Dave actually getting hurt pretty bad.  
TT1: How so?  
TT2: Slid off the roof in their latest strife and landed on the fire escape two floors down.  
TT2: He just about broke a rib.  
TT2: That was yesterday morning.  
TT1: Makes sense.  
TT2: I told Bro he was pushing Dave too hard.  
TT2: It was too much.  
TT1: I bet the only reason he hasn’t taken you up on the roof is because he thinks you could kick his ass.  
TT2: I definitely want to at this point.  
TT2: God, what a piece of shit.  
TT1: So what’s your move here?  
TT2: God, I don’t know.  
TT2: Not telling Bro where Dave is at, first of all.  
TT2: Getting out of here as soon as I can.  
TT1: Keep Dave safe, but keep yourself safe, too.  
TT2: Sure thing, Rose.

timaeusTestified [TT2] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT1]

Dirk _finally_ managed to fall asleep, _despite_ the yelling that was still happening in the other room. Everything was tired; his body, his mind, his heart, and it may have been the wrong move to call Braiden out like that, but frankly, Dirk only needed to survive another 6 weeks there. They had to put his guardianship of Dave into motion, fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of points of view intersected on this; it was kinda tricky to write tbh


	7. Severing Familial Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Dirk set the wheels in motion.

Dave couldn’t stand the way Mr. Egbert and Mr. Crocker were looking at him. There was far too much pity in their eyes. He gave a more concise explanation about why he was there than the one he gave John; once again, he didn’t want Bro—Braiden—to go to _prison,_ for whatever reason. It was easier to tell them that Braiden was being homophobic than that Braiden was being outright abusive, but he got the feeling that they noticed him struggling for breath without pain sometimes, and there was no hiding the scars on his face. But they gave the okay, and once they retreated back to John’s room, Dave addressed the messages on his Pesterchum.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Not that I’m unhappy that you realized Braiden’s effect on you…  
TT: Why would you leave without telling anyone?  
TG: oh man  
TG: didnt want to risk word getting out  
TT: Dirk and Roxy and I were out all night looking for you.  
TG: i told dirk didnt i?  
TT: Not until 8 in the morning.  
TG: rose no offense but i really am not in the mood for a lecture  
TT: I didn’t mean to lecture.  
TT: Sorry.  
TT: But if your concern with telling me was really that I, of all people, would go running to Braiden to tell him where you were, then I’m not sure what to tell you.  
TT: I’ve never cared for Braiden. Always got sort of odd vibes from him.  
TT: Turns out it was not unwarranted.  
TG: to be honest rose i just didnt think that much about it  
TG: i just wanted to get away from him  
TG: sort of panicked  
TG: he broke my rib and that was the wakeup call  
TT: My mother wants custody.  
TG: no  
TG: im gonna stay at johns  
TG: his dad seems willing to help  
TT: Somehow, I figured you’d say something like that.  
TG: maybe dirk can get a place…  
TT: Alright.  
TT: I’m just glad you’re okay.  
TT: Talk to me about it if and when you feel comfortable.  
TG: sure  
TG: see ya later rose

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Sunday was somehow a lazy day and a tense one, as Dave, John, and Jane still seemed wound up from the late night search, and ended up sleeping through a lot of the day. On Monday, everything seemed to go back to normal, with the exception that it was Mr. Egbert driving all three of the kids to school, instead of Dave just going with Dirk.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: so this is weird but  
TG: im living with john now  
GG: oh jeez dave that’s not that weird  
GG: you and john are like best bros for life!  
TG: i mean  
TG: one of the first things the guy does when i show up is ask if i ever had a crush on him  
TG: what kind of baseless accusation  
GG: you kinda did though  
TG: yeah but he wasnt supposed to know that  
TG: felt like he was just asking because he knows im gay now  
TG: or bi  
TG: or whatever i am  
GG: okay well whatever you are  
GG: you’re safe!  
GG: you had everyone really worried  
TG: yeah yeah i know

Dave spotted John trying to read their messages over his shoulder. Oh, _come on._ Dave flicked the Notes app open and typed out, _crocker is kinda hot.  
_ “Dave!”  
_stop reading over my shoulder then  
_John gave out a little huff, then started messing around on his own phone, so Dave could resume his conversation with Jade.

TG: howd you hear about it anyway  
GG: rose was spending the night here  
GG: she left a note for me when she left early  
GG: but even before she told me I had a feeling you were okay  
TG: somehow this does not surprise me  
GG: oh come on  
GG: weird dreams aside, you’re not an idiot  
GG: you wouldn’t just stay out in the cold all night  
TG: finally someone gives me some damn credit  
TG: seriously like did they think i would leave without a plan  
TG: of course i was gonna go to one of you guys  
TG: john was just closest  
GG: oh, is that the reasoning you’re gonna go with?  
TG: well  
TG: thought about going to yours but i thought it might be weird  
TG: getting caught between jake and dirk  
GG: ohhhhhhh!  
GG: yeah i can see that  
TG: anyway its all fine  
TG: ill see you in class okay  
GG: sure!

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

“Hey Dave…” John muttered. Dave looked over at John, who was sinking in his seat.  
“Hmm.”  
“Would it be crazy to ask Vriska out?”  
Dave faltered. “What?”  
“I dunno… I just kind of like her.”  
“You mean ask her out… like on a date?”  
“Yeah, that’s usually what that means, right?”  
“I mean, usually. I guess,” Dave said. John sighed at him, crossing his arms and pouting. “Listen, dude, I don’t like Vriska. There’s something off about her. But I’m not gonna stop you. Actually… might be good for you.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“No offense, but you’re pretty soft, Egbert. Maybe she could toughen you up,” Dave said, smiling a bit. He thought it was a pretty obvious joke, but when John didn’t laugh back, Dave felt sort of terrible about it. Wasn’t that the same kind of shit that Braiden told _him?_ And here he was spreading it around. There was only one person that Dave really wanted to talk to about all this bullshit, and that was Karkat. He wanted Karkat to know that he was right; that Dave had wised up and got out of there, but at the same time, all this stuff was kind of heavy, and they weren’t even a couple. Maybe it would be too much, and just scare Karkat off even more than he already had. Besides, it wasn’t Karkat’s problem to deal with. He couldn’t unload all his baggage onto Karkat. There was no doubt that Karkat had baggage of his own, anyway, so Dave kept his distance for the time being.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Hey Jake  
TT: Sorry about what happened at the party.  
TT: I… I know I didn’t handle things very well.  
TT: I was hoping we could talk about things.  
TT: Maybe we could head to dinner this weekend?  
TT: I want to make things work with you,  
TT: I just wish you’d told me sooner.  
TT: Now I feel like any time I wanted to be intimate with you, it was just making you uncomfortable.  
TT: Like, out of your comfort zone  
TT: And I had no idea.  
TT: Jake  
TT: I know you’re getting my messages.  
TT: We need to talk about this.  
TT: …  
TT: Okay.  
TT: Message received, then.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

Dirk hung his head in his hands. Jake hadn’t been speaking to him since the party. And over _what?_ It was a misunderstanding. Dirk was trying to apologize, and see where to go from there, but Jake was just dodging his messages. And he couldn’t handle it at the capacity he wanted to, since he was expecting a call from Mr. Egbert any minute. He was helping Dirk with the legalities needed to gain guardianship of Dave once he turned 18. It looked like a lot of paperwork, and as much as Dirk liked to think he had his shit together, it was a bit overwhelming. His phone rang, and Dirk answered immediately.  
“Hello?”  
“Hello, this is Michael Egbert, may I speak to Dirk Strider?”  
“This is Dirk. Thanks for, uh, taking care of Dave.” Michael didn’t say anything for a moment, and Dirk felt his heart hammering in his chest.  
“It’s not a problem, he’s always been a good friend to John. Uh, can I ask, Dirk, why he’s here, though? He didn’t give us many details.”  
“Um,” Dirk poked his head out his bedroom door, making sure that Braiden wasn’t trying to listen in. He’d been making himself scarce even more so than usual, maybe because his punching bag was gone. “Yeah. Our guardian—our older brother—it’s become clear to us how abusive he is, especially with Dave.”  
“Not with you?”  
“More neglect than abuse. But it’s fine. My birthday is next month, so that’s why I want to get these wheels in motion now.”  
“So, you’re going to have a new place to live? Under what income?”  
“Mr. Egbert, I have multiple streams of income. I make robots and sell them, I do mechanical work… if whatever place needs a proof of income, it won’t be an issue. I know I’m young, but I feel like it’s my fault things got this bad between Braiden and Dave anyway, so I have to make things better for Dave now.”   
“We can put you up here for—”  
“No, no, please. Just…” Dirk sighed. “I just need help with this stuff.”  
“Alright, well, there’s a number of forms needed to file a case, so let’s start with that.” Dirk started taking notes on a sticky note as Michael rattled off form numbers, wrote down where they would have to be filed, and the fact that he would have to give notice, which would mean tracking down his and Dave’s birth mother, plus about a dozen other things. Good god. Dirk knew this was going to be a lot, but this was _a lot._ Dirk ran a hand through his hair. There was no way Braiden was going to sign off on the necessary forms, either, which meant they would have to have a more intense hearing about it. It was all too much. He really needed someone in his corner. He needed Jake to respond to him. He needed _something._ Dirk took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Okay. He needed to really show up for Dave here; show him that not both of his older brothers were total dicks. First, the forms. Those were easy enough to fill out, and he could take them to the county clerk tomorrow. What else? He could… he could start looking for apartments, and try to find a landlord who wasn’t going to be a stickler about credit. Dirk had a bank account, with plenty in it, but no credit. That was something else he’d have to fix; go to the bank and apply for credit. Okay. Yeah, this wasn’t so bad. Dirk just had to break it into smaller tasks. As luck would have it, Braiden got home as soon as Dirk was beginning to feel more comfortable with everything that was going on. It was earlier than he usually got home from DJing the local bar, and he was _not_ happy. Dirk heard him let out a yell as soon as he was through the front door, and then the sound of broken glass, more than once. Dirk pulled his headphones on. Whatever Braiden was pissed about, Dirk didn’t want to get involved. He didn’t want to see how he would act without Dave around; what his new way of expressing anger was. It sounded destructive. Dirk just wanted to go about the paperwork. It was better to do it this way. Even if Dirk got an apartment and Dave just came there, Dirk was worried that Braiden would accuse him of kidnapping or some insane shit, and if he was still Dave’s legal guardian, then that’s where Dave would be sent.

A few hours passed, and Dirk kept working on his forms, and his homework, and then Braide  
n appeared in his doorway. He was slouching and staggering, like he’d been drinking. Dirk took his headphones off.  
“You lil shits…” Braiden slurred. Oh, he was _definitely_ drunk. “You lil shits took everythin’ from me.”  
“Nobody has taken anything from you. Dave left of his own accord. He’s a person. He can’t be taken from you.”  
“Forget him. I los’ my DJ gig.”  
Dirk couldn’t help but chuckle. It really did serve him right. “You have nobody to blame for that but yourself. I’m leaving soon too. I’ll be of age, and you’ll have no one, and it will be _your_ fault.”  
“You don’ have anywhere to go.”  
“What makes you think that? I’ll be an adult. You can’t keep me here.”  
“Wha’ you think you’re gonna do, go off to college an’ take Dav with you or somethin’? Nah. I don’ think so.”  
Dirk pursed his lips. Braiden was probably right. Taking Dave in probably meant he had to give up on college, at least for the time being. He pulled his headphones back on and waited for Braiden to leave him alone.

Things were… getting awkward at school. Jake didn’t speak to Dirk in class, and Dirk was now spending his lunch period either running to the library to make copies of forms, or driving around to drop things off, so they hadn’t had a chance to talk about things. Dirk was beginning to get desperate, and he wanted to message Jake again, but knew it might not be a good look to be so clingy. He just wanted to talk about things, why was Jake refusing to do that? It had all just been a misunderstanding, hadn’t it? Dirk didn’t _need_ sex to be happy with Jake, and all he wanted to do was make sure Jake knew that. Finally, after a week of being left on read, Jake messaged him.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: So dirk  
GT: I reckon its time we talk  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: I’ve been wanting to talk to you.  
TT: But you were dodging my messages.  
GT: Look I dont want to mince words here  
GT: I dont think we should keep dating  
TT: I…  
TT: What.  
GT: Its pretty doggone clear to me that this isnt going to work  
TT: Jake if this is about what happened at the party, I don’t NEED you to have sex with me to feel like it’s a good relationship.  
TT: I felt bad because I pushed for it  
TT: and didn’t realize the position it put you in.  
TT: It was just a misunderstanding, Jake.  
TT: It doesn’t have to be the end of things.  
GT: Jesus criminy crickets…  
GT: I cant keep up with you  
GT: Sorry  
TT: So… so that’s it.  
TT: You’re dumping me.  
TT: On PESTERCHUM.  
TT: Come on, Jake, don’t I deserve at least a face-to-face conversation?  
TT: This is so shitty.  
TT: Jake?

golgothasTerror [GT] is offline!

TT: You know what, fine.  
TT: Telling me like that and then logging out?  
TT: I thought you were some brave adventurer, Jake.  
TT: Now you can’t even face me?  
TT: You know what? You’re a coward.  
TT: You’re emotionally stunted; you don’t know how to communicate, and I was the only one ever putting effort into making this relationship work.  
TT: And that’s shitty!  
TT: Trying to put all this on me.  
TT: Well you know what? It takes two to tango, buddy.  
TT: I know we had problems but…  
TT: Fuck, dude.  
TT: You’re an asshole.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

Dirk slid his glasses up and pinched the bridge of his nose. He did something that he never did at home, especially with Braiden around. He sat in his bedroom and let himself cry. Despite everything he just said, he knew this was his fault. He was too overbearing, too clingy, too emotionally draining, and Jake just couldn’t handle it, and he was too afraid to ever tell Dirk when he was being too much. If Dirk could just have… reigned himself in. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm. Idk how I feel about how the Jake/Dirk dynamic is portrayed here; like things happened very quickly. But that's how I wrote it so *shrug* I guess


	8. Moving On, Moving Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have to adjust to a new lifestyle, and prepare for the holidays.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Roxy.  
TG: Dirkie.  
TT: Uh  
TT: Jake and I broke up  
TG: oh shit  
TG: oh shit dirk im so sorry  
TT: No, don’t be.  
TT: It’s for the best, but…  
TT: Man, I fucked this up something colossal.  
TG: :((((  
TG: its not your fault dirk  
TT: Yes it is.  
TT: If I wasn’t so--  
TT: UGH.  
TG: dirk nooooo  
TG: do you want me to come over or something  
TG: we can watch 2001 a space odyssey  
TG: or my little pony  
TT: No, that’s okay Rox.  
TT: Just wanted you to know what was up.  
TG: …  
TG: okay  
TT: I miss him already.  
TT: Damn it.  
TG: are you sure you don’t want me to come over  
TT: Even if I said yes, I can’t.  
TT: Got some lawyer shit to do…  
TT: In regards to Dave.  
TG: right…  
TG: well you know im here if you wanna talk about it.  
TT: Thanks.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

Dirk ran his hands through his hair. Maybe he _was_ out of his depth with all this, but damn if he wasn’t going to try. The next month was pretty much just paperwork hell, but Dirk finally managed to get them a place that would allow him to move in after his birthday, and prorate the rest of December, no questions about credit required. The only thing left to deal with was Braiden’s objection to the guardianship. He wanted to fight this? Fine. Time to put that motherfucker in jail.  
Dave had a sick feeling in his gut just from looking at all the paperwork Mr. Egbert had spread out for him. He’d been in contact with Dirk; he knew what was going on. Braiden was contesting for custody, so they had to have this full in-depth hearing about it, which meant that Dave had to come clean about everything that had happened. What was going to happen if he revealed everything Braiden put him through?  
“This is bullshit,” he muttered as he started writing.  
“Dave, this isn’t bullshit,” John’s dad said. “I know you don’t really want people knowing what went on, but without an account of the events, they can’t really do anything besides let you live with Dirk.”  
“Dirk’s gonna be an adult.”  
“Which is why they can’t stop you two from leaving, but I’ve spoken with Dirk and he had to do some official adoption paperwork to be named your legal guardian. This presents the possibility to convict your eldest brother on these charges.”  
“Charges of what?” John piped up. Normally, Dave was happy for his moral support; he’d been such a great friend through this whole thing. But he really hated John being there right at that particular moment. Dave chewed on his lip for a moment. He’d been telling himself that he didn’t want Braiden behind bars, but… was that even true? In the month he’d been at John’s, he’d seen what a guardian was actually supposed to provide for someone. Abuse aside, that was _never_ what Dave had. He pressed the pen to the paper and slid it over to Mr. Egbert when he was finished, and Mr. Egbert drew very quiet as his eyes scanned over the page.  
“Dave?”  
“Yes…sir?”  
“You wrote that he threw you off the roof?”  
There was another long silence.  
“We used to…” Dave started. The still-healing bruise on his chest was a reminder. His rib was nearly healed, but he couldn’t forget that feeling of realizing that Braiden wasn’t coming for him; that he could have been dead and Braiden wasn’t coming for him. “He said it was training. Said I wasn’t tough enough. He used to do it with Dirk, too, but Dirk is way stronger than I am. Bro said he was trying to make me some kind of hero, but…” Dave’s voice was wavering. John’s dad walked around the table, placing a reassuring hand on Dave’s shoulder. Dave had to fight his instincts to recoil. He was safe here. “Things got out of hand once. He pushed back too hard and I slid off the roof onto the fire escape. Mr. Egbert, I don’t want Bro to go to jail.”  
“Hmm. I’ll speak with your lawyer. They may just have him pay alimony, so you and Dirk can even afford to leave.” Dave huffed. They already had a place settled. It would be fine. Mr. Egbert really liked fussing over Dave. Maybe he just liked being a dad. Maybe that was why he baked John like 12 birthday cakes every year. Whatever came of it, Dave signed the last form, then walked over to the fridge.  
“Damn, Mr. E, are we out of AJ?”

John helped Dave pack, and Dave was absolutely dreading the hearing. He had no idea if Braiden was going to be there too; if he was going to have to make all these accusations to his face. He still had a couple of days with John; the hearing couldn’t take place until Dirk was actually 18, so they scheduled it on his and Dave’s birthday. Dave met Dirk outside the building, and as they walked in, with Mr. Egbert and John driving away, Dave saw Braiden’s truck. Fuck.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hes here  
TG: of fucking course

turntechGodhead [TG] has gone offline!

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine, Dave,” Dirk said, trying to usher him into the building. There was no way that Dirk could know that, though, and they both knew it. Dave braced himself for the worst as they walked into the office and found their seats at the table.  
“So, Mr. Strider, and… Mr. Strider,” the lawyer greeted them. “And Mr. Strider,” he corrected himself to address Braiden as well.  
“Maybe this’ll be easier if you just call us by first name,” Dirk said.  
“Right. Well, Dirk, it looks like you’ve filed all the forms, and I expect you’ve given notice?”  
“I… talked to my aunt about tracking her sister down to send notice. Nobody knows where she’s at, and we never knew who our dad was. I did get notice out to Braiden, clearly, and our maternal grandparents.”  
“Okay, so you’ve done your due diligence. And they returned the forms with a signature, except for… Braiden. Braiden, you want to contest this?”  
“Yeah. They’ve got no reason to leave,” Braiden said, contempt deep within his voice.  
“Bullshit we don’t,” Dave muttered, feeling just as bitter about the whole thing.  
“That brings me to your statement, Dave. You wrote about Braiden being abusive and neglectful?”  
“Mhm,” Dave said, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Dirk seemed to notice his discomfort.  
“Sir, he let our younger brother fall off the roof. Dave has only just recovered from having broken ribs from the incident.”  
“They’re full of shit,” Braiden said. The lawyer glanced over at him in surprise, then sort of pinched the bridge of his nose, looking frustrated.  
“Okay, do you boys have any _proof?_ Without proof, it’s just your word against his. And if it’s proven to _not_ be true, well, Dave’s a minor, but it’s a serious offense to be dishonest on a legal form.” Dave put his head on his hands. He’d been avoiding this, but the only option was to show the lawyer all the scars on his arms, so he slowly pushed up his sleeves. “Oh. I see.”  
“That!” Braiden said incredulously. “That doesn’t prove anything.”  
“Maybe not, but it’s enough to warrant an investigation. Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me, Braiden?” Braiden was gritting his teeth, and he looked furious. Dave wanted nothing more but to run away. This was the most he’d seen of Braiden since their last strife, and he was more frightening than ever.  
Braiden visibly rolled his eyes. “Look, Dave, I’m sorry. Didn’t realize how bad I was hurting you. How hard I was pushing you. It was too much. Forgive me?”  
“Go fuck yourself,” Dave murmured.  
Then, Braiden snapped. “Come here, you little—” and without warning, Braiden leapt across the table, reaching for Dave. Dave sprang backwards, out of his reach. All at once, three things happened. The lawyer called for security, Braiden drew a sword seemingly from nowhere, and Dirk put himself between Braiden and Dave. Dave was shaking. He couldn’t fight Braiden even if he wanted to. “Get out of the way, Dirk. Quit trying to protect him.”  
“Shut the hell up,” Dirk replied, not holding back anymore. “You’ve ruined our lives enough.”  
Braiden smirked, letting out a quiet laugh. “Ruined? I’ve only done what I need to do to prepare you for the real world. It’s not so easy out there. You think you’re always going to be around to protect your brother? That’s not how it works. If you don’t know how to handle yourself, people will chew you up and spit you out.” Dave hated how weak he felt; how scared and unable to cope with Braiden he was. After another moment, the security guard came up behind Braiden and restrained his arms. Braiden dropped his sword, sending it clattering to the floor as the guard forced him out the front door, and he was shouting the whole way, saying things like this was going against his rights, and he never actually hit either of them, and all kinds of desperate bullshit. Dirk looked back at Dave, still sitting on the dull ceramic tile floor, and offered a hand to help him up. Dave swatted his hand away. He’d have to learn to fend for himself eventually. Dirk widened his eyes and sighed a bit, instead picking up the sword off the floor.  
“Where was he even keeping this…?” Dirk muttered. He set it on the desk between him and the laywer. “I suppose that’s proof enough?”  
“Y-yes. Well. Yes.”  
“Great. Dave, let’s go,” Dirk said, wanting nothing more than to get both of them out of there.  
“Wait. I wouldn’t feel right about letting him just… be out there. Do you want to press charges?”  
Dirk raised an eyebrow and sat back down. Dave felt a turning in his stomach. “Charges of what?” Dirk asked.  
“Assault with a deadly weapon?”  
Dirk glanced at Dave, who bit his lip. It was the sort of decision he’d been dreading. “I dunno,” Dave muttered, staring down at his shoes. Dirk was all for it. Braiden didn’t deserve any second chances here, but he didn’t want to press Dave into doing anything he was uncomfortable with. “I don’t want him to get anywhere near me. But… I dunno. I feel weird about sending him to jail.”  
Dirk furrowed his brow. “Well… what if we got a restraining order? Keep him away from me _and_ Dave.”  
“That can be done. I’ll draw up the paperwork,” the lawyer said.  
“So you can feel safe, Dave, and if he breaks it…”  
“ _Then_ he goes to jail,” Dave finished.

As soon as they left the meeting, Dave and Dirk were scheduled to move into their new apartment. It didn’t take that long, since they didn’t really have any furniture yet, and it wasn’t on the top floor, which Dave was grateful for since the elevator was broken.  
“It’s not anything dreamy,” Dirk mused, showing Dave around, “but it’s for you and me.”  
Dave was still decompressing from everything that had happened in the lawyer’s office. If nothing else, he was so appreciative of the lengths Dirk had gone to so that both of them could be safe. “It’s perfect,” Dave said.  
“You think?”  
“Like you said. It’s ours.”  
Dirk smiled a bit. He wanted to do better, but this was the only place he could get. “I have some matresses coming today, and… and we can order furniture and whatever else together.”  
“Sure. For now, pizza?” Dave asked, already dialing the closest delivery place.  
The pizza arrived, and Dave and Dirk flopped onto the couch. Dirk’s gaze was far away, and it took him a moment to even take a bite.  
“Something wrong?” Dave asked.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Tell you what?”  
“That Braiden beat you so bad.”  
Dave set his slice of pizza down. “Thought you knew? You both are better than me. I didn’t want to go complaining to _anyone._ It wasn’t just you. Didn’t uh…” Dave sighed. This was all too much. “Didn’t want to give him another reason to look at me as pathetic and weak, I guess. He always made me feel like if I was getting my ass beat, it was my fault, and I wasn’t trying hard enough. Now imagine if I go crying to you.”  
Dirk sighed. “Yeah. I just…”  
“It’s not your fault, you know. You can’t blame yourself for the shit that he was doing.”  
“I guess.”  
“Look, you’re actually here having dinner with me. You’re already the best older brother I ever had.”  
At that, Dirk couldn’t help but chuckle. Maybe the two of them would actually be okay.

A week or so passed, and the holidays were around the corner. Feferi was planning a huge party at her place, and that, at the very least, was something to look forward to. Now that Dave was in a better place, both literally and emotionally, maybe now he could tell Karkat he was right. Maybe he could tell Karkat a lot of things. They didn’t talk much on Pesterchum, but he’d been oddly tolerable of Dave’s bullshit, not even complaining as much as usual. Okay, all Dave had to do was type something. That wasn’t so hard, was it? 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: yo  
TG: karkles  
TG: karkizzle  
TG: vantass  
TG: hey bro  
TG: where are you  
CG: Jesus fucking Christ, I’m going to need a speedometer for your motor mouth.  
CG: Seriously, don’t you ever shut up?  
TG: nope  
CG: How charming.  
TG: so you admit it  
TG: i have wooed you  
CG: Yeah, you wish.  
CG: Did you need something, you insufferable jackass?  
TG: a little lackluster one there kar  
TG: i think youre losing your touch  
CG: Shut up.  
TG: nah i just need something to think about other than all this shit with bro  
TG: i hate to admit it but you may have been right about him mistreating me  
CG: Yeah, no shit!  
CG: So what do you mean, this shit with your bro?  
TG: dude  
TG: youre joking right?  
TG: ive been living with john since halloween  
CG: HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?  
TG: john didnt tell anyone?  
CG: No!!  
TG: huh  
TG: thats good i guess  
TG: dont want the dude airing my dirty laundry to the world  
CG: Okay, so why aren’t you messaging him about whatever’s happening right now?  
TG: idk i feel like ive bugged him enough with my issues  
TG: i fucking lived in his house dude  
CG: I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  
TG: dude fuck off  
CG: Okay, bye!  
TG: no i just mean  
TG: im not sure john would get it  
TG: he didnt know about any of this shit until i showed up at his window  
CG: If you’re so concerned about keeping it a secret, then why the hell are you telling ME?  
TG: dunno  
TG: feel like i can trust you  
CG: You’re confusing me, Dave.  
CG: You didn’t tell me when it was happening, but now it’s different because why, exactly?  
TG: complicated  
CG: Ugh.  
TG: short version is that dirk and i moved out  
TG: talked about some stuff  
TG: and i wanted to talk to you  
TG: because you were right about me needing to get out of there  
TG: try not to read too much into it  
CG: I wouldn’t dare, that might overinflate your ego even more.  
TG: you going to feferis party?  
CG: Yeah, why?  
TG: just wanted to know if id get to see a cutie tonight  
CG: You asstart, don’t fucking say shit like that.  
TG: i will say whatever i want

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

God, _had_ he actually just sent that message? Irony. Yeah. Sure. Irony. No, he needed to stop denying it, even in his own head. Karkat was cute. He thought Karkat was cute. And that was okay.

A few hours before the party, Dave got another message on Pesterchum. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GA: You know Rose well  
GA: So you may have some insight into her disposition  
TG: what do you want  
GA: Have you found her demeanor to be chilly  
TG: what the hell  
TG: i thought you two were warming up to each other  
GA: I thought your familiarity with her may allow you to furnish me insight  
GA: She and you are familiar  
GA: She regards you with, uh  
GA: Endearment  
TG: you have no idea dude she is so in my grill  
TG: like a stray hotdog that rolled down there  
TG: and now its too much trouble to fish out with the tongs  
TG: so you just watch it like crack and turn black  
TG: whats this about  
TG: you have a thing for her don’t you  
GA: At this point I thought that was obvious  
TG: hahaha yeah  
TG: youre pretty transparent tbh  
GA: I just would like to gather  
GA: Some means of gauging her sincerity  
TG: ok well its easy  
TG: for everything she says take her to mean just the opposite  
GA: Maddening  
TG: well actually i think shes working on that whole sarcasm 24/7 thing  
TG: pretty sure she likes you too  
TG: but anyway  
TG: alright look  
TG: if you want to keep her attention you got to pull out all the stops  
TG: reverse psychology mind games all sorts of machiavellian bullshit  
TG: i mean unless youre really smooth and inherently likeable like me which youre not  
TG: i dont know you sort of remind me of her anyway so maybe thats a good thing  
GA: I believe I understand how to proceed  
TG: good luck kan

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

Jake came by with Jade a bit later and dropped her and Dave off at the party, and Feferi’s house was _fucking swanky._ He knew Feferi and Eridan were like, loaded, but not _that_ loaded, Christ. When he walked in, everyone was staring at Tavros and Vriska. No doubt she’d just caused a scene. It was actually a good time to show up, since it seemed to diffuse whatever tension was happening.  
“Sup, everyone?” he said, which broke the trance that Vriska seemed to have cast, and she left the room for a moment. John made a move to go after her, but Dave plonked a hand on his shoulder. “Nope,” Dave said. He wanted to talk to John, about a lot of things. And he also thought, regardless of how much or how little he personally liked Vriska, she needed space.  
“But I—”  
“Nope. Pop a squat, Egbert.”  
John let out a little groan, but wasn’t _actually_ arguing with Dave about it. They both sat at Feferi’s kitchen table. “So how’re things going?” John asked.  
“Hmm?”  
“With the laywer and the move and Bro?”  
“Keep it down, dude, I don’t want you shouting my issues to the whole world. We got it all worked out. He has to send Dirk a couple hundred every month, but Dirk’s had a stash for a while. Got an apartment across town. Oh, and they instituted a restraining order.”  
“Why?”  
“So the dude who’s been using me as a workout can’t show up at school.” Dave paused. He didn’t want to tell John how messy things got in the laywer’s office. It would only freak him out. “We left after that,” Dave lied. “Never answered.” It felt oddly natural for Dave; maybe the first convincing lie he ever told. He also wanted to thank John for being there in his time of need, but got the feeling that John already knew. He’d thank him when it wasn’t so crowded around.  
“Do you think you could?”  
“What, forgive him? No way in hell. Can we talk about something else?”  
“Yeah, sorry,” John conceded, and changed the subject. After a while, Terezi came to join them, and the three made idle chitchat through most of the party. Karkat was over there just moping on the couch. Dave wanted to go talk to him, but what would he even say? Saying things on Pesterchum was so easy, but how did he follow through on calling Karkat cute? Besides, Karkat was just over there thinking Dave was bluffing. And there was still no guarantee Karkat was even… well, not straight. No, Dave didn’t want to get rejected in front of their entire social circle. It was possible that he was just justifying things to himself, but the risk was… frightening. Okay, no, if Dave was honest with himself, he was being a coward. Wait, he was… was he leaving?  
“Excuse me,” Dave muttered before standing from the table and leaving John and Terezi. He trailed through the house back towards where he thought the front door was—fuck, Jade. She’d been nowhere to be seen all night, and Dave found her off in some side room dancing with Nepeta, with Rose and Kanaya cheering them on from nearby. “Hey Harley, I’ll be back in a little bit. Don’t leave without me.”  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jade answered, her voice edging on sarcastic. Dave was out the door just moments after Karkat; he hadn’t even made it all the way down the driveway yet. “Yo, Kar,” Dave called, not actually knowing why he’d followed Karkat. He still didn’t know what to say. “Leaving so soon?”  
“Yes, watch my ass as it leaves.”  
“Encouraging me to check you out?” Dave said, smirking a bit. Karkat blushed, intensely, and Dave’s heart hammered. Goddamn it.  
“You’re the worst shitting person I’ve ever met. Why do you say shit like that? Is it to mess with my head? I can’t tell if you’re serious or what. And also! I’m sick of seeing your stupid fucking aviators, when I know, I _know_ it’s like some kind of ploy to hide your true emotions from everyone. Nobody can ever discern what you’re thinking because you never bother showing anyone your damn face. And it’s not even fair, you have the most stunning eyes.” Stunning? “Like, red? That’s so…” Karkat’s voice trailed.  
“And you were calling _me_ a motor mouth earlier. Boy you gotta calm down. I’m gonna take you to 7-11, buy you an ICEE so you can find some chill.” Dave knew he was being stupid, but what could he say? Stupid and ironic was his brand, and at least _someone_ found it funny, even if it was himself.  
“What the fuck,” Karkat said, deadpan.  
“Hey, you shouldn’t be walking home alone,” Dave answered, bringing a bit more seriousness into the conversation. It was dark, and even for a boy it didn’t seem safe.  
“Please. I can take care of myself.”  
“What’re you gonna do, shout someone to death?”  
“I don’t _need_ you to play hero, Dave.” Shit, that one actually hurt a bit. Dave already knew he was no kind of hero. Everything that had happened as of late made that one really obvious. “But since I know you don’t know what ‘no’ means, fine,” Karkat said, crossing his arms. Dave couldn’t help but smile.  
“So… how far is it to your place?”  
“I dunno… like half a mile?”  
“Alright,” Dave said with a laugh.  
They walked in silence, but not an awkward or weighty silence that seemed to happen so much. Both of them never knew how to shut up, so it was sort of a relief that they felt comfortable not speaking all the time. All Karkat did was give directions, until they got back to Karkat’s house.  
“So, you think red eyes are stunning?” Dave asked, standing outside Karkat’s front door. Karkat blushed again—god, that was adorable.  
“I mean, you don’t see them every day,” Karkat said with a shrug, trying to play things off. Wait, so Karkat actually thought people couldn’t see through his little ruse? Dave knew it from day one, on the beach.  
“Most people don’t, anyway. You saying you want to get another look?” he said. It was dark out; photophobia wasn’t at play here, and he was willing to feel vulnerable around Karkat.  
“I’m… not going to say no.” Dave took his shades off and tucked them into his shirt collar, feeling a lot better about the situation than he had at homecoming. “Wow…”  
“You act like you don’t see red eyes all the time.” That broke Karkat’s trance. He scowled at Dave.  
“What? What the fuck?”  
“Dude, you being, like, albino is probably the worst kept secret I’ve ever freakin’ seen. And honestly, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I—” Dave had just been about to work up to calling Karkat attractive, genuinely, to his face, when his phone went off. Dave couldn’t help but check it, just for a moment.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: Hey Dave  
GC: Can I talk to you about something  
TG: can it wait  
TG: im with kar right now

“Who is that?” Karkat asked.  
“Terezi,” Dave answered.

GC: Well  
GC: Its kinda really serious actually  
TG: oh shit whats up  
GC: Just dont tell Karkat, I dont need him to worry about me right now  
TG: of course not  
GC: My mom had a miscarriage and Im really messed up about it  
GC: And also Vriska is being heinous  
GC: Like I thought we made up but then she immediately just proved me wrong about it  
TG: yeah she uh  
TG: she kinda sucks

Dave felt _horrible_ that he was standing there with Karkat and instead of finishing their conversation, he was texting Terezi. But, it sounded like she needed someone at the moment.

GC: I just  
GC: Dunno what to do  
GC: Can you come over? I could use the company  
TG: theoretically  
TG: but im riding home with jades cousin and idk if you want me to explain whats going on  
GC: Not that I have a problem with Jade but  
GC: Id rather you didnt  
TG: ok  
TG: well i can come by tomorrow if you still want  
GC: I would really appreciate that Dave  
GC: Hey  
TG: hmm  
GC: Youre a cool guy  
GC: I hope Karkat figures that out soon  
TG: thanks

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

“Dave…would you want to, um. Hang out? Maybe you can come by and watch a movie tomorrow or something,” Karkat said. _Fuck,_ what awful timing that was.  
“Huh, what? No, um. I can’t. Got plans.”  
“With Terezi?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Uh. Alright,” Karkat said, sounding morose. “I should… head inside, then.” Shit. _Shit._ Why hadn’t Dave suggested an alternative? Fucking idiot. Dave huffed, then called Jade really quickly.  
“Hello?”  
“Hey Jade, you still at Fef’s?”  
“Uh huh. Where did you go?”  
“Uh…doesn’t matter. I’m on my way back now.”

Dave made his way back to Feferi’s house, the walk now much more lonely. It was just as quiet, but Dave was hyper-aware of his mistake. Karkat probably thought he was saying no because he wanted to get with Terezi. Ha. What a mess of a love triangle this was. When Dave came back into Feferi’s house, he skulked right back into the main room. Of course, Rose could read him in a second.  
“Dave, what’s wrong?” she asked.  
“Hmm? Nothin’. I just think… Karkat got the wrong idea about me and Terezi.”  
“Huh?”  
“Look, I really can’t talk about it right now. Got some shit to deal with,” Dave said, though he was mostly looking to not have that conversation with Rose.

Now that they were on their own, and Dirk had some time freed up since all the legalities were finished, he let himself get roped into a Christmas party at Roxy’s. She persuaded him by saying that everyone else had already agreed, and it was more like a small get together than her last party. It wasn’t as though he was looking forward to seeing Jake, not after the way they’d left things, but he did miss his friends. Maybe he’d put too much stock in a relationship right away. Much to Dirk’s surprise, Jake wasn’t so cold to him. They were speaking; they were being friendly, and it was something that Dirk very much needed. Not just from Jake, but to see all four of them chatting like things were somewhat normal despite having very much a strenuous first semester.  
“Oh! Guys! I forgot to tell you,” Roxy said, grinning widely at the three of them. “I’ve been sober for almost two months!”  
“ROXY! That’s incredible!” Jane shouted in excitement.  
“Mmmhmmm, yeah it is! I had Rosie go through all my stuff, since I didn’t think I could empty everything without emptying it into myself.”  
“Nice job, cuz,” Dirk said, smiling at her. He really was proud of Roxy; it was no small accomplishment.  
“I say, Dirk, how is everything going with your brothers?” Jake asked. Dirk paused, not having expected Jake to bring things up on a serious note. Frankly, Dirk didn’t _want_ to talk to Jake about it. He hadn’t been there for him during any of the process, but Roxy and Jane deserved to know, and it would just be easier to have the conversation once, wouldn’t it?  
“Dave and I have our own place now. All the way across town from that _fucker._ ” Dirk would never stop feeling guilty about being so blind about what was going on. “Can’t believe Dave didn’t think he could come to. We’ve always strided together, and I knew Dave struggled, but I never considered it to be abusive.”  
“Did you ever see any of these incidents?” Jane asked.  
“Only the time Dave slid off the roof. Kid didn’t have good footing. Man…” Dirk sighed. He didn’t know what else to do. Maybe time could help repair them both. Roxy reached across the table and put a hand on his shoulder. It was a small gesture, but enough to know that they were together. They were _actual_ family.  
“What’s wrong, Dirkie?” she asked.  
“I’m a shit older brother. I should have known this was happening. Should have done something to help.”  
“You’re helping now,” Jake said, leaning into Dirk a bit. Dirk’s eyes widened, and he was simultaneously blushing and incredibly annoyed. Jake seemed to pick up on the annoyance and broke eye contact. Why was Jake trying to be all soft now? Maybe he’d realized what a mess they were. Maybe… maybe space to process was all he needed. Maybe Dirk was just too much to handle.  
The whole thing with Jake was a mess. In fact, everything in Dirk’s life had been a mess, up until recently, and it was about time he fixed more than his living situation. His friendship with Jake was pretty much in shambles, and Roxy had always tried to be the one that kept the four of them together, which it was clear she was trying even harder at as of late. Dirk didn’t think that in itself was fair. There was one person that had fallen by the wayside while everyone else was busy dealing with their own shit, and it just didn’t seem fair. He never meant to be such a terrible friend to Jane, but it was clear that he had. Maybe he never knew which version of himself to be with which person, because it was clear that all Dirk had of himself anymore was splinters, but none of those splinters were a good friend to Jane Crocker, and Dirk wanted—no, he _needed_ to make amends.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey.  
TT: I never actually apologized to you.  
GG: You don’t have anything to apologize for.  
TT: Yeah well.  
TT: I still think I’ve been pretty lousy to you. I had my head up my ass for a while there.  
TT: By the time this get-together came around, I was kinda freaking out about Jake.  
TT: I thought I had the situation under control. But I didn’t. Not just with Jake, but with respect to pretty much everything.  
GG: I understand.  
TT: I yelled at him when he dumped me.  
GG: Ah.  
GG: I had a similar meltdown with him a while ago. I’m not going to lie. It felt really food.  
TT: Heh.  
GG: At least, it did at the time.  
GG: I don’t think I really have feelings for him anymore though.  
TT: Jane, you know,  
TT: We probably should have talked about this Jake stuff a long time ago.  
GG: Tell me about it.  
TT: I don’t know if I was kidding myself all that time that there was a conflict of interest between us, or what.  
GG: Same.  
TT: Maybe I was pretending your feelings for him weren’t a factor because my pursuit of him was already overcomplicated enough.  
TT: Or maybe it was more like I was aware of them, but on some level, decided they shouldn’t matter, because I felt like you had a natural advantage over me.  
TT: Cause you know. You’re like.  
TT: Not a dude.  
GG: But I always felt you had the advantage over me too!  
GG: Because you’re… YOU.  
GG: You make things happen, and I don’t.  
TT: Yeah well. Turns out maybe that’s not such a good quality if you wanna make a relationship last longer than three seconds. At least not in my case.  
TT: I know I ripped into him pretty hard.  
TT: But the truth is I was pretty goddamn overbearing.  
TT: Sometimes I look back on stuff and think I might have essentially bullied him into a relationship with me.  
TT: While fighting with myself about what to do. Part of me knew I was wrong.  
TT: My instability scared him right the fuck off. There were times when I basically treated him like shit without even realizing it, and I regret it.  
TT: I should probably tell him that, but given how I called him an asshole last time we spoke, I’m probably the last person he wants to hear from right now.  
GG: Clearly we both used some poor judgement.  
GG: Looking back, it seems crazy to me that we both jeopardized our friendship over a mutual infatuation with, let’s face it, one spectacularly goofy kid.  
TT: Can we both at least agree we may have overrated the allure of Jake English?  
GG: YES.  
TT: Maybe if we could have talked to each other about him it would have helped. Like talked about why we felt that way about him.  
TT: At least maybe it would have helped up knock English off the ludicrous pedestal we put him on.  
GG: Yeah. That might have saved us a lot of grief.  
GG: It’s not like I hate him now. He’s still my friend.  
GG: But the extent to which I centered my whole life around a childish fantasy about him is just painfully embarrassing in hindsight.  
GG: I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at him without feeling miserable about myself?  
TT: So does that mean we’re both totally over him now? I can’t really tell.  
GG: Me neither. :\  
TT: I guess the real problem is our clique was too small.  
TT: Poor Jake was the only viable romantic target. I mean, considering our respective orientations.  
TT: Maybe we just never knew enough people?  
GG: Perhaps.  
GG: Or maybe we just don’t need anybody.  
GG: As anything other than friends, I mean.  
TT: In the interest of appeasing the bitterness gods, let’s go with the latter.  
TT: Though I have to be honest.  
TT: If he were to ask me to get back together I’m not sure I would say no.  
GG: That’s fair.  
GG: I think you two could be a good couple if you work on some things.  
TT: Yeah like not fucking self-destructing any time he doesn’t answer a text within 5 minutes?  
GG: Yes, like that kind of thing.  
TT: Noted.

timaeusTestified [TT] has ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Well, at least Jane didn’t hate him forever. Dirk really hated the person he’d been with Jake. Bullying him into dates all the time and always thinking that Jake was going to dump him at the drop of a hat if they weren’t talking 24/7. It had been such a short-lived relationship, too, so why did Dirk still want to be with him?  
The next day, Dave went down to Terezi’s place, as promised. They played games for a while to get Terezi’s mind off of things, but Dave knew she’d need to talk about it sooner or later.  
“So how’re you doing?” he asked after a couple hours.  
Terezi let out a sigh. “I dunno, I guess I’m feeling better today. It was just a lot yesterday. With Vriska, and my mom… but it’ll be fine. I guess I just needed to remind myself I have other friends.”  
“Well yeah, of course you do. There’s me and John and Karkat…” God, he’d just left Karkat hanging last night. Crush aside, that was being a shitty friend.  
“What were you doing with him last night?”  
“I just walked him home from the party. He asked me to hang out today, but…”  
“Shit. But you told me you’d be here.”  
“Yeah,” Dave said. He didn’t want Terezi to feel responsible for his love life. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just listening to the eclectic music Terezi always played. Dave thought it was weird as fuck, but not everyone could be as cool as him, and even when Terezi was being weird, she was pretty cool.  
“What’s going on between you two?” she asked after a minute.  
“I dunno,” Dave said, and that was the honest truth. “Trying to figure that out. I felt real bad for blowing him off, too, but I didn’t know what else to say. I think he thinks I hate him or something, which is weird because I’ve been flirting hard.”  
“I think that’s more a reflection on him than you. He’s got a lot of self-loathing built in. I think he has a hard time believing anyone would actually be romantically interested in him. Especially after the way things went with us.”  
“You and Kar?” He knew Karkat had a crush on her at one point, but they were actually a thing?  
“Yeah. Middle school. We kissed like, once, and we both liked each other and ‘went out’ but then I went blind and shit kinda hit the fan, and romance was the last thing on my mind. Sorry… if that’s weird.”  
“No, no, it’s fine. So… what’re you gonna do about the Vriska thing?” Dave asked, trying to get off the topic of his failing love life.  
“I think… she is not my problem. I don’t have to do anything about it, and until she stops being an asshole to everyone, I am not going to.”  
“Are you sure?” It clearly wasn’t the first time Terezi and Vriska had been through this cycle.  
“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops i guess i posted the last chapter with the wrong title


	9. Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave has a very interesting Christmas

Neither Dave nor Dirk had ever been morning people, so of course on Christmas morning they took the opportunity to sleep in. Dave was only woken up by his phone buzzing.

gardenGnostic [GG] opened a memo on board: sex drugs and shrek

GG: merry christmas guys!!

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: christ, i forgot our group chat was named that.  
GG: courtesy of mr. strider :P

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: you guys talking shit without me  
GG: noooooo of course no  
TG: sarcasm really isnt your bag is it  
GG: i’m sorry we can’t all be as cool as you mr. coolguy mcsunglass pants

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo

TT: Ignoring my cousing for the moment, how is everyone’s mornings going?  
TG: up yours lalonde  
TT: I trust you all received your presents?

Hey, what the fuck? Dave didn’t have anything from Rose.

EB: yeah! thanks so much, rose, it’s super warm  
EB: i actually just finished opening all three of the presents  
EB: they’re so nice!  
GG: aw im glad you like it john!  
EB: actually dave i haven’t listened to the music yet but the note was nice  
TG: jesus dude i give you the gift of sick ass beats  
TG: something actually not dorky to listen to  
TG: and this is how im repaid  
TT: Don’t be so melodramatic.  
TG: you telling me not to be melodramatic is the highest point of irony ive seen in a month  
TG: and coming from me thats a pretty big fucking deal  
EB: i hope you guys like your gifts too  
EB: i’m kind of terrible at shopping  
GG: i haven’t opened it yet, gram-gram said jake and i had to wait to open all our presents until grandpa gets here  
TG: gram gram  
GG: yes.  
TT: Dave, I take it you and Dirk will be joining us here at the Lalondes’ for dinner?  
TG: jesus fuckin  
TG: yeah  
EB: have fun guys!  
EB: my dad’s gesturing for me to get off the phone now  
EB: he probably wants me to pointlessly clean something  
EB: so… merry christmas!  
GG: oh gram gram is here so i gotta go too!  
TT: Bye, Jade.  
TG: catch ya later harley

Dave set his phone down. No doubt they were all going about their separate family traditions. Even _with_ Braiden, they’d never had many traditions. Hell, half the time they were lucky to even have gifts from Braiden. It was usually just Dave and Dirk celebrating on their own. Dave was surprised Dirk went to the trouble of getting them a tree, but he supposed that Dirk was just trying to make this place feel more like home. Dirk was still asleep, though, so that gave Dave some time. Time to do what, though? Dave sighed. Maybe it was time to address some things. Dave had never been one for labels, but he kind of wanted to know what to say if people asked. In fact, he was now considering it possible that his aversion to labels was just an aversion to having to admit anything. With a weighted breath, Dave pulled his phone back out and tapped _LGBTQ identities_ into Google.   
“Whoa,” he muttered. There was way more than he expected, not just about sexuality, either. Of course there were gender identities, but also just general terms like ‘binder’. It was a lot of information to take in, and even admitting to himself that he was queer, Dave still wasn’t sure how involved in that community he would be. He thought back to what he told John at the Halloween party _. I’m just saying, people are attractive. Why limit myself to one or the other?_ So, was Dave attracted to Karkat _because_ he was a guy, or was he attracted to Karkat, and the fact that he was a guy was inconsequential? The way that Dave saw it, gender wasn’t really important, and there was only one word he saw that seemed to fit. Pansexual. The question was whether Dave would actually be able to say that out loud to something.  
His thoughts were interrupted by a Pesterchum message, which was probably for the best. This introspection had gone on long enough that Dirk was awake now and had been locked in the bathroom for 15 minutes.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent 3 images to turntechGodhead [TG]—

Dave scrolled through the images. They were screenshots of a conversation between Terezi and Karkat, and it seemed like Karkat was making the assumption that there was something romantic between Terezi and Dave. Well, more implying that Dave saw it as something romantic. Wow. And Terezi had even asserted to Karkat that it was extra dumb because Karkat _did_ like Dave. …wow.

GC: Can you believe that dweeb  
TG: wow  
TG: wow dudes so off base

Dave tried to focus on the ridiculous nature of the situation to play off how blown away he was that Karkat literally used the words ‘giant gay crush’ to describe his relationship to Dave. Had they both just been misreading each other the whole time?

GC: He has this weird romcom-based complex that boys and girls cant be friends without there being some other motive  
TG: he likes romcoms  
TG: brb rethinking this whole crush thing  
GC: Ha   
GC: He is like OBSESSED with romcoms  
GC: They make up about 85 percent of his movie collection  
TG: omg  
TG: that is so nerdily adorable  
GC: Adorable?  
GC: Oh my god Dave youre so whipped for him  
TG: shut up  
GC: >:]  
GC: I can smell your embarrassment from here  
TG: jfc thats not even a thing but coming from you color me unsurprised  
GC: Well if you get a chance I do suggest talking to him later  
GC: Even if its just to say Merry Christmas or something  
TG: yeah maybe  
TG: idk im gonna be at roses  
TG: you know she and kan are kind of a thing?  
GC: Christ how could I miss that  
GC: I may be blind but ‘lesbian’ radiates off both of them  
TG: you know what  
TG: thats fair  
TG: anyway i should probably get going  
TG: i still have to trade gifts with dirk  
GC: Still?  
GC: It’s like 12  
TG: yeah he just woke up like 40 minutes ago and hes been doing his hair  
TG: even though im just chilling in my pjs he doesnt like anyone to see his bedhead  
TG: even me  
TG: so he told me to wait until hes done spiking it  
GC: Your brother sounds like a nerd  
TG: we cant both be as cool as i am  
TG: anyway ill talk to you later tz

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Dirk finally emerged from the bathroom and saw Dave siiting on the couch, looking a bit perplexed.  
“You, uh, wanna grab your present?” Dirk said.  
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure.” There were only a few presents under the tree. Dave had ones from John, Jade, and Dirk, and Dirk had ones from Roxy, Jane, and Dave. It was easier to start with the ones from friends. Roxy sent Dirk some tools that he’d mentioned needing to fix up Squarewave and Sawtooth, Jane sent a package of her famous cookies, and Dave had made a mixtape for him. John sent Dave an autographed Eminem poster, Jade gifted him a terrarium with a tiny red crocodile in it, and Dirk gave him new equipment for his turntables. All in all, it was a much more subdued holiday than either of them imagined most of their friends were having. The only other thing slated for their day was dinner at the Lalondes’.

When Dave and Dirk arrived at the Lalonde household, Dirk was quite surprised to see the spread that Rowan had prepared. The tablecloth was out, they used her good plates, but the table was covered in Chinese food. He glanced over at her, and she offered a shrug in their direction.  
“I managed breakfast, but ham was a little much for my skills.” Dirk just smiled at her and sat down, Dave following his lead.  
“Looks great, Aunt R,” Dirk answered, and everyone collected at the table and enjoyed each other’s company. After dinner, the four kids took over the living room couch, and Rose offered a present to Dirk. He unwrapped it, finding a rainbow pride scarf inside. Well, he’d never really labeled himself, but he’d never been interested in girls, either, so that was pretty much a foregone conclusion. Even if he never said it, Dirk knew he was gay. “Thanks, Rose,” he said. He and Roxy got caught up in their own conversation, but Dave shot Rose a look. Honestly, he was feeling a bit left out.  
“What the hell, Rose, you doling out gifts to everyone else?” He was half-joking, but it was a bit frustrating.  
“In all honesty, Dave, I wasn’t sure if it’d be appropriate to gift you a pride scarf if you weren’t sure about—”  
“Pan,” he said, cutting her off. Well, Dave couldn’t say he’d planned on saying that tonight, but it was out there. He didn’t see a reason not to own it.  
“What?”  
“I think… I’m pan. Pansexual.” Rose gaped at him for a moment.  
“Well… in that case, I will have one for you soon.” Oh. Okay. Cool. That was easy; he was expecting some long drawn-out conversation, or coming out to everyone altogether and having to deal with different reactions, but it was so anticlimactic and it took a weight off of Dave’s chest. Unfortunately, it was very short-lived, because just a moment later, his phone started going off like crazy.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board: FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: what

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: hey, i am here.  
EB: oh, hi dave!  
TG: hey  
EB: what is going on in here?  
TG: some kind of asshole rumpus looks like  
CG: CG: Everybody shut the fuck up, I hate you both, etc. etc. etc.  
CG: Now that the pleASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.  
TG: why are you typing in all caps  
CG: MY FINGER SLIPS ON THE BUTTON FROM TIME TO TIME.  
CG: BUT SHUT UP.  
CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST DICKBAG TO ONE ANOTHER.  
CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY TAKE THE OTHERS TO SCHOOL, WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF “OH SNAP” RAMMED DOWN THEIR THROATS.  
CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.  
TG: ok later windbag  
CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF  
CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.  
EB: yeah, dave, don’t go!  
EB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.  
CG: YES, LISTEN TO HIM, DAVE.  
CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU.  
CG: BUT I’M SMARTER THAN BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.  
CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GODDAMN SECOND  
CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF FRIENDLY ADVICE:  
CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT’S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.  
TG: nah  
EB: haha, dave you’re hitting on terezi? Really??  
TG: no  
TG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop  
TG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right  
TG: but what else is new just another lady mackin on me whatever chance she gets  
CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.  
CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.  
EB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?  
CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.  
CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN’T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT’S RIGHT.  
TG: pretty sure she is  
TG: or he thinks she is or something  
TG: why else would he be in a tirade about this  
CG: ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND.  
TG: right  
TG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude

Honestly how could Karkat even still think that Dave and Terezi were hitting on each other? Maybe it was because Terezi told Karkat that she wasn’t going to ask Dave to back off. God, this was honestly so frustrating. If Karkat only knew who Dave was actually crushing on, maybe they could both stop being big stupid idiots about it.

EB: this is such silly drama  
EB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.  
CG: YES, EXactly. Who cares?  
CG: Which brings me to a related point of business.  
CG: John, don’t think I didn’t notice how many E’s you just typed.  
CG: That’s got to stop too.  
EB: what does?  
CG: Stop flirting with Vriska. I’m fucking serious.  
EB: what!  
EB: no way. vriska’s cool, i’ll talk to her all i want!  
CG: You jackass, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.  
CG: She’s dangerous, and you’re blundering right into her hypercompetitive mindfuck.  
CG: You are both fucking hopeless, I give up.  
TG: k then bye

As much as Dave hated to admit it, he did have a point. Not about Terezi, that was so baseless and stupid. But about Vriska. If it was true that she was the reason that Terezi was blind, and that Tavros was paralyzed, then it seemed like she got in the habit of hurting people she was close to. The last thing Dave wanted to see was John hurt over some girl. And not just emotionally, because that was bound to happen at some point or another, but _physically_ hurt. Okay, Dave had to start another chat.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: dont tell karkles i said this  
TG: but he might have a point about vriska  
TG: she definitely paralyzed tav and also i think is the one who blinded terezi

John didn’t answer, so Dave focused his attention on the memo.

CG: You don’t get it.  
CG: I do acknowledge that as much as it makes me sick to my stomach, these girls are clearly flirting with both of you pretty hard.  
CG: The fact that they have swept you both into their sick games is sadly what makes this obvious. It’s what they do.  
EB: oh gosh  
TG: what dude i thought you liked her  
EB: i don’t think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do…  
CG: Somehow I regret even bringing this up.  
TG: you just sound bitter  
TG: not like you actually have our best interests at heart  
TG: i bet one of them rejected you  
TG: probably tz  
TG: or both  
CG: FUCK. OFF.  
TG: haha wow bingo  
TG: see how i look right now that’s a poker face might want to take some notes  
CG: First off I CAN’T fucking see you.  
CG: Second off even if I could, I guarantee all I would see is a coward behind dark eyewear clearly designed for women and a pair of impudent lips pursed so tight it’ll sound like air squealing out of a balloon when I punch you in the gut.  
TG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time  
TG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it

Oops. That might have been too much. Dave was projecting a bit, there. Ugh. Why. And clearly he pissed Karkat off, because he didn’t answer. He just closed the memo. Shit, way to put his foot in his mouth. Karkat _did_ seem to have some insecurities around romance, but Dave knew they both liked each other, so why he’d have to go and be a big idiot about it? Maybe Dave had his issues too. Maybe it was like the label thing all over again. If he said it out loud; if he actually asked Karkat out, then it was more real. And maybe that was scary. Oh, God, Dave could only imagine the field day Rose would have with all this. Maybe Dave was just hoping that he wouldn’t have to be the one to make the first move, but what would antagonizing Karkat actually accomplish? Apparently it didn’t _totally_ push him away, because another chat popped up before too long.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: Okay so  
CG: I was being a colossal dickweed for telling you to stop flirting with Terezi.  
TG: true  
TG: im not flirting but true  
CG: To be honest, you were right  
CG: I was jealous.  
CG: Am jealous.

Oh. Oh god, was he…

TG: are you serious  
TG: look at this  
TG: karkat vantas admitting he was wrong about romance  
CG: Don’t rub it in.  
CG: I wasn’t jealous of you for spending time with her  
CG: I was jealous of  
CG: Oh god.  
TG: what  
CG: I was jealous of her for getting to spend time with you.  
TG: wtf  
CG: God, see?  
CG: That’s what I knew was going to happen.  
TG: no no  
TG: keep talking  
CG: Uh  
CG: You may also have been right about me being a little  
CG: Uh  
TG: gay?  
CG: Dammit, Strider!  
CG: Don’t do this to me.

Okay, okay, reel it in. Don’t be a dick.

TG: chill dude im not gonna judge  
TG: i appreciate the apology  
TG: i was just giving you a hard time i didnt expect id actually be right  
TG: not that i think theres anything wrong with it  
TG: obviously  
TG: cause like my whole family is pretty gay  
TG: actually a lot of people i know are gay  
TG: egbert tho  
TG: kids straight as a ruler  
TG: fuckin destroyed me in middle school  
TG: uh  
TG: i mean  
CG: It’s fine.  
CG: I overheard you guys on Halloween.  
TG: oh fuck  
TG: i mean i got over it  
TG: it would be really weird if i lived there still having the hots for him  
TG: think he was still pretty weirded out though when i told him  
TG: i swear that kid looked at me like i sprouted a second head  
TG: though after trying his glasses on its entirely possible that it actually looked like i had one  
TG: hes blind as a bat  
TG: gotta teach him echolocation or some shit in case he loses them  
TG: forgetful little dipshit  
TG: maybe tz can help him out  
TG: blind leading the blind  
TG: literally  
CG: OH MY SHITTING CHRIST  
CG: Stop talking!  
CG: I did not message you so you could ramble aimlessly.  
CG: You and I are going to dinner this weekend, and then a movie.  
TG: are you  
TG: asking me on a date  
CG: Um.  
CG: Yes.  
TG: well hang on let me check my fuckin calendar  
TG: looks like i can pencil you in just after i drop some sick beats  
CG: Oh.  
CG: Um.  
CG: Okay.  
TG: cool  
CG: Cool.  
TG: saturday?  
CG: Sure.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

Wait, had that actually just happened? Dave stared blankly ahead, aware of Dirk, Rose, and Roxy staring back at him. Fuck, he needed to say something.  
“Karkat just asked me on a date.”  
“Did he?” Dirk asked, craning his neck to look at Dave’s phone.  
“Yeah, dude, check it out.”  
Oh fuck, John was messaging him back, too.

EB: i think you guys might be right about vriska :/  
TG: yeah and  
TG: i think karkat just asked me out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i just realized im only just over halfway through this and its already longer than some of the completed stories


	10. Freeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Dirk finally have some important conversations

Dave didn’t think he’d ever felt so nervous for something in his life as he did for his date with Karkat. He was so worked up about it he even let Karkat do all the planning, so Dave really had no idea where exactly he was headed when he gave Dirk the address on Saturday morning. What did you even wear on a date? Dave fumbled through his wardrobe, which had taken a significant hit since they moved out. Dirk had money saved up, but both of them knew that their typical extravagant purchases couldn’t be as frequent. Better to stow it away for bills. Needless to say, it had been an entire lifestyle change, and while Dave was glad to be living in a bit of a different way, it could be hard to adjust in just a few weeks. Dave finally just settled on a plain red tshirt underneath his black demin jacket, and jeans. Was that too casual? Or would dressing up fancy set a bad precedent for future dates—if there _were_ future dates. Of course, things just couldn’t go right for Dave, and he and Dirk were a lot further from Downtown Skaia than they were used to, and Dave showed up late. What a stellar first impression. Once Dave found the restaurant Karkat had told him to meet at, he felt totally underdressed. It was like something out of Hollywood, candles on the tables and intricate chandeliers, and Dave had no doubt that this was something like Karkat’s romcoms. He liked Italian, though, so there weren’t really any complaints. Karkat was already at a table, twiddling his thumbs together anxiously. God, he’d really cleaned up for Dave, huh? No flyaways in his hair, and he was wearing his button-down and tie from Homecoming, with the sleeves rolled up. It was dimly lit enough in the restaurant that Dave could take his shades off, and he walked over to Karkat’s booth and sat across from him.  
“Swanky, Vantas. You know how to treat a guy—whoa,” Dave paused, staring at Karkat’s eyes. He wasn’t wearing his color contacts. “You were right.”  
“About what?”  
“Red eyes being nice to look at.”  
“Shut up!” Karkat said, but he was blushing.   
“Seriously, Karkat, I think you should just go with the albino thing. You’d kill people of hotness with white hair.” Dave was being one hundred percent genuine, but Karkat frowned and looked away for a moment. Maybe that was too much; Karkat might be sensitive about it. Ok, just change the subject. “So why’d you choose this place anyway?”  
“What?”  
“The restaurant.”  
“Oh, right.” Karkat seemed to come back into himself, and opened up a bit more with Dave, which was a relief. Dave was just so worried he’d screw the pooch at any given moment. They overcame the awkwardness that incurred during _any_ first date, and even during the movie, which, because Karkat chose, was _inevitably_ a romcom even though it was Oscar season and there were so many better things out, Dave and Karkat didn’t manage to shut their collective traps for more than 10 seconds. Dave was just having fun razzing on the movie, even getting to hear Karkat genuinely laugh, while Karkat was griping into Dave’s ear about how contrived the romantic plot was and that the girl picked the wrong guy. Dave’s nerves finally left him and he was able to lose himself in the conversation and the movie, even putting his hand onto Karkat’s, and then interlacing their fingers after a moment. Even absentmindedly, Dave was weaving their fingers together into different patterns, and maybe Dave didn’t have a reason to be nervous after all. He wanted to talk to Karkat more outside of the theater and elected to wait at the bus stop with him, where Karkat seemed to get all embarrassed again.   
“Uh… thanks for coming out with me,” Karkat said, looking at his shoes.  
“Yeah, thanks for… taking me out, I guess.” Dave really didn’t know what to say to that.   
“So…um.” Oh no. “Are we, like, boyfriends or something?”   
A chill ran down Dave’s spine, and he put his shades back on. Boyfriends. Why did Karkat have to use that word? That was… that meant something real. That meant… well, Dave didn’t know what it meant. But he wasn’t ready. No way. No matter how much he’d been pining over Karkat, he couldn’t just. _Say_ that, so easily. Dave didn’t answer for what felt like an eternity. He was frozen.   
“Why don’t we… hang out a couple more times before jumping into something?” Even just those words tasted bitter in Dave’s mouth.   
“So there’ll be another time, then,” Karkat said. Yes, yes, absolutely.  
“Yeah, this was fun.”  
“Okay.”   
The bus came, and Karkat got on, giving the smallest wave goodbye as it drove away, and Dave waited for Dirk to come get him. Holy _shit,_ what was that? No, really, what _was_ that? God. Why was this so hard?   


“So how’d it go?” Dirk asked, when he picked Dave up.   
“Uh. Good, I think.”  
“You _think?”  
_“Dirk, he, uh. He asked me if we were boyfriends, and I totally froze,” Dave admitted. It was easy to forget he could actually discuss these things now.   
“Well, I don’t blame you. Labelling things like that after the first date? Seems rushed.”  
“Yeah, but… I dunno. I still feel weird about being sentimental with a guy in public. Hell, I feel weird about being sentimental in _general_ in public. I mean… were you like that with Jake? Or is it a _me_ problem?”  
Dirk sighed. “Nah, I had a hard time with it too. Braiden really did a number on the both of us.”   
“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Dave paused for a moment. Dirk hadn’t been talking about Jake for a while. Dave knew they broke up, but figured they were still friends, if for no other reason than because of Roxy, but Jake didn’t send Dirk a Christmas present like they always did, so… maybe not. “What, uh, what _did_ happen with Jake?”  
Dirk faltered. It wasn’t like Dave to bring stuff like this up. Maybe that was Braiden’s doing, as well. They didn’t really talk about their feelings, but it was probably important that they confide in each other, especially if they were going through adolescence together without another guardian. Dirk focused his gaze on the road. “I mean, you know what happened. We broke up.”  
“Yeah but why? Like, are you guys still friends or something?”  
“I dunno. He thought I was too clingy, which… yeah, that’s true, I was, but… he never told me what was going on in his head. Intentionally avoided communicating with me, so we never got to work through things. Then at the Christmas party, he seemed… I dunno. Like he was _trying_ to be supportive of all the shit you and I had been dealing with retroactively without having actually been there to support me _through_ all of it. It kind of pissed me off, actually. We haven’t had a conversation that wasn’t in front of the girls yet. So, yeah, I’m not sure if we’re actually friends or not.”  
“Oh,” Dave said. Everything with Jake seemed to have happened so fast. Dirk gripped the steering wheel tighter. He hated himself for almost wanting to go back to Jake. They just needed _one_ good conversation. They would either talk about their flaws, and _want_ to do better, or Dirk would feel a lot better about just dropping him.   
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Let’s just go home and watch some shitty TV or something,” Dirk said, so that was exactly what they did. Dirk found one of the old _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies and put it on, and they were having a relaxing time. That was, until a sword-fighting scene came on, and the mere sound of two swords clashing against each other set something off in Dave’s head. He had a knot of anxiety in his stomach, and his mind flashed back to their old rooftop, and him falling to the fire escape. So many glimpses of Braiden kicking his ass. Dirk glanced over at Dave, hoping they could both just laugh at Johnny Depp for a while, and instead saw Dave, completely tensed up with a far-away look on his face.   
“Dave?”   
“Dirk… don’t let him hit me.”  
“Dave, what’re you…” Dirk’s voice trailed, and he turned back to the TV. Swords. Shit. _Shit._ Dirk turned the TV off and tried to get Dave to focus on him. “Hey. Hey, Dave, nobody is gonna hurt you. It’s just you and me.” Dave gripped the sides of his head. He felt hot; his heart was racing; he could hardly breathe. Why was he getting glimpses of Braiden? No. No, he couldn’t be back here, he was just… he’d just been on the couch with Dirk. Everything was fine, wasn’t it? “Dave,” Dirk kept trying to get through. Dave heard Dirk’s voice. Yeah, _Dirk’s_ voice, not Braiden’s. Okay. So he was right. It was just him and Dirk. He was okay. “You’re okay. You’re safe.” Dave took a few deep, shuddering breaths.  
“Dirk… oh,” Dave muttered. What the _fuck_ was that. That sucked. Worse, that was _embarrassing._ What if Dirk hadn’t been there? Would Dave just be zoned out and panicking for much longer? That was so short, and it felt like ages.  
“You okay?”  
“Yeah, yeah… just. Sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry,” Dirk muttered, even though neither of them were quite sure what had just happened, and it _had_ scared the shit out of Dirk. He walked into the kitchen and got a glass out for Dave. “Here. Drink something.” Dave flopped his head onto the back of the couch, but still, hesitantly, did what Dirk said and got a glass of apple juice. “Maybe we avoid shows with sword fights for a while.”  
“Yeah, maybe,” Dave muttered, mostly just feeling pathetic. So, what, he was going to have panic attacks now? Great.

The only thing Dave really had to look forward to was another party at Feferi’s house. She pretty much insisted on holding a New Year’s party there, and while Dave was hesitant, he ultimately agreed to go. It would, at the very least, be an opportunity to talk to Karkat more. They’d been chatting more on Pesterchum, but Karkat seemed to have a lot of family things going on over winter break. While Dave arrived to Feferi’s house a bit early, he was not the first one there. When he walked into the living room, Rose and Feferi were tending to Sollux, and Kanaya was there with them as well. Whatever just went down, Dave didn’t want to know. He just made himself welcome at the table with Rose, Kanaya, and Jade before too long. Rose was being awfully affectionate, and it didn’t seem like her to be so forward. They were all joined by John before too long.  
“Hey Rose, hi Kanaya!” John said with a grin as he sat down.   
“Hello, boys,” Kanaya answered, and then turned her attention towards Dave. “So how exactly is it that you ended up on a date with my cousin a few days ago?” Dave immediately locked eyes with Rose, who smiled a bit and shrugged. Fuck, Dave couldn’t even pin this on her. Kanaya could’ve heard right from Karkat, too, but it was an awkward conversation to bring up with so many people around, especially John and Jade.   
“It’s a long story, Papaya. Karkat is a—”  
“Karkat is a what, you useless fucking shitweasel?” Dave jumped in his seat, then turned over the back of the chair to see Karkat standing in the archeway that led to the kitchen.   
“Always with the pet names,” Dave sighed, but he was simultaneously relieved that he didn’t have to explain anymore. Karkat crossed and took the last seat at the table.  
“Oh, do not even start with me. Constantly initiating messages with ‘Karkles’, ‘Karkizzle’, and my personal desperate-sounding favorite; VANTASS. I’m not sure if I should take that one as saying I’m an ass or you saying you like my ass.”  
“Can both not be true?”  
That was all Karkat needed to get going, and he and Dave got wrapped into one of their back-and-forth rambles. Dave was just needling him; it really was sort of entertaining how worked up Karkat let himself get over nothing, and he knew Karkat got something out of it too. If it weren’t fun anymore or if Dave was seriously hitting a sensitive spot, Karkat was more likely to shut down than keep screaming about it. If Dave could get Karkat to shut up for a second, he’d probably kiss him. Wait, what was that thought? Oh man. _Oh man._ Well… they were headed in that direction, weren’t they? Dave hoped so.  
“John, are you okay?” Jade asked after a bit. Dave glanced over at John. He was listening to whatever bullshit conversation Tavros and Vriska were having. That probably wasn’t good.  
“Yeah…” John muttered in response, “yeah, just thinking about my resolution for New Year’s.”  
“New Year’s Resolutions are bullshit,” Karkat grumbled.  
Dave leaned over to whisper in Karkat’s ear. “If New Year’s Resolutions are bullshit, guess I won’t get to kiss you, then.”  
Karkat’s eyes widened and he fell out of his chair, catching Dave’s stomach with his elbow. “AT LEAST WAIT FOR THE BALL TO DROP, YOU ASSHOLE!” Oh. Whoops. That was too much. Karkat slunk off towards and left Dave with the others for a while. Suffice to say, the next bit of conversation was… awkward. Rose just giggled, continuing to down glasses of punch. Something was seriously off about her. Dave got his answer before too long as to why that was. “You piece of shit! You spiked the goddamn punch!” he heard Karkat yell before throwing a drink into Gamzee’s face. Gamzee just laughed his weird-ass laugh. Fuck. Dave was sure he’d ruined Karkat’s New Year’s Eve by suggesting they kiss, and this situation couldn’t have made it any better.  
“Excuse me,” Dave muttered, not that anyone was actually listening, and followed Karkat into the next room. He was face-down on the couch. Great. Dave sat next to him, pushing his shades back, and Karkat rolled over to look at him. “You okay?” Dave asked.  
“You know, I don’t need you to always keep checking up on me like this. Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just…”  
“Not used to having someone care? I get it,” Dave muttered.  
“Why, though? Why do you care?”  
“Wow, and I thought you were the romance expert. I’ve been flirting with you pretty hardcore, dude.”  
“Yeah but why? Why am I even worth your time?”  
Dave paused for a moment. Karkat started it; worrying about his scars and his glasses and his situation. “Why was I worth yours?” Dave echoed. Karkat sat up.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You white-knighted me first, even if I was being a dick about it. I was really messed up about some stuff and still kind of am, and am working on it, but I guess…” His family was fucked up. His sexuality was confusing. He had a panic attack about swords a week ago. Was any of this something he could share with Karkat? No, not yet. He couldn’t just expect Karkat to carry all that baggage for him, not when Karkat clearly had his own hangups to deal with. “Dunno, man. It’s like… I _like_ you or something. So I repeat; you okay?”  
“Not really, my best friend is a drug-happy asshole.”  
“Psht, that dude’s a fucking idiot. Dance with Mary Jane, you’re gonna get your toes stepped on. I grew up in the most fucked up environment imaginable and even I know that. Swords, yes; drugs, no. It’s like fucking unconscionable. Seriously, my life is a category four wedding crasher hurricane. It’s like when kids loudly try to suck the last of their soda out of the can with a straw even though there are only trace molecular-scale quantities of soda left in there like wow kid stop? I don’t know what to really tell you about Gamzee, honestly I’ve only talked to him twice and he seems like either the chilliest guy ever or a borderline murderous motherfucker. Him being into that ICP shit? Yeah, he needs better taste in music but I’m telling you, that’s why dude’s gotta be better friends with me. I can fuckin’ educate on rap better than the ICP. Seriously, fuck those guys. But, yeah, I mean if you need to talk about shit you know I can always listen to your fuckin’ melodic voice. Shit’s goddamn musical, like Beethoven and Mozart had a lovechild and let them get raised by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Eminem until they could throw down their own sicknasty beats.”  
“Dave!” Karkat yelled, snapping Dave out of his ramble.  
“What?”  
“Shut up and kiss me.”  
Dave’s eyes widened; his cheeks flushed, but he’d suggested just as much earlier, so he took a deep breath and leaned in. He put his fingers on Karkat’s chin and tilted his face the slightest bit upwards, and before Dave could think anymore about it, they kissed. There may as well have been fireworks going off in Dave’s head. They slowly parted, Karkat leaning into Dave’s shoulder, and Dave pressing into Karkat’s hair. Any doubts Dave was still having about his sexuality were gone.  
“It’s about time.” Dave and Karkat both jolted, looking for the source of the voice.  
“ROSE!” Dave shouted.

Roxy’s New Year’s Party was just as low-key as her Christmas one. Dirk supposed it was still hard for Roxy to think about being around a bunch of drunk 20-somethings, when she was so newly clean. There was, however, one new addition to their small gathering: Callie. Not that Dirk was surprised by this, but Callie was even more quiet and closed off than he tended to be. Well, she seemed shy. Maybe it would take time, especially with such an intimate gathering of people Roxy had known for so long. After hanging out for a while, Callie leaned her head into Roxy’s shoulder.  
“Thank you for inviting me, Roxy,” she said.  
“Of course, Callie, babe.” Then, after another quiet moment, Roxy groaned a bit in frustration. “Jane, can you help me with something in the kitchen?” The two girls vanished, leaving Dirk in an even more awkward situation than he’d been in with them there. Now it was just him, Callie, and Jake. Jake had been uncharacteristically quiet as well, so all three of them just sort of blankly stared at each other for a few minutes.  
“Well, uh, I’ll go check on Roxy,” Callie muttered before standing up and traipsing into the kitchen after Jane and Roxy. Great.  
“Say, Dirk,” Jake said, “do you still think I’m an asshole?”  
“You really want to talk about this right now?”  
“I’ve just been thinking about… things. I don’t think we… I… left things in a right state.”  
Dirk sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, I had problems, okay? I know that. Always trying to make everything about you and me, always worried that if you weren’t giving me the time of day for a millisecond it meant you wanted to end things, trying to be around you all the time so you couldn’t forget about me… and I know that’s no way to be a good partner. But you never _told_ me about it. You never _told_ me how you felt, and… well, shit, dude, I’m not a mind-reader. Breaking up with me over text was cold, and you never even bothered to apologize for it. So yeah, maybe you _are_ still an asshole, or maybe I’m just not over it, or maybe both. But what’re we gonna do about it? Can’t sit and wallow.”  
Jake sighed a heavy sigh. “I always cared about you, Dirk, but I did a right mess of a job of showing it, even just as a friend. You’re right, you were a tad… stifling, but I was a bit of a jerkwad too. Truth be told, I thought if I didn’t say anything, you might just… tire yourself out. Thunderations what a fucking clod I am. An absolute cockamamie goofoff. The thing is that… you’re still my best pal and I’d like to make amends.”  
“Yeah?” Dirk said, his spirits lifting a bit.  
“Maybe romantic altercations are not for us; at least not together, but can we be friends again?”  
“Yeah, Jake, I’d like that.


	11. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave deals with some of the aftermath of Bro

Dave sat up in bed, stifling a scream. Fuck. These nightmares were getting worse. At least he hadn’t shouted; he always felt terrible waking Dirk up in the middle of the night, at least 4 times a week for over a month now. The worst part was that it was always so similar; always Bro on the roof, sometimes Dave tumbled to the fire escape. Sometimes he fell all the way to the street and saw his own bones cracked and blood splattered on the road. Nightmares were _awful,_ and Dave was getting pretty fucking sick of it. He glanced over at the clock. Not even 12AM yet. He’d been falling asleep earlier, since he wasn’t getting as much rest, but this was just ridiculous. Well, at any rate, he was awake now.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: hey karkat  
TG: kitkat  
TG: KV  
TG: nah that ones doesnt roll off the tongue  
TG: cool initials though  
TG: hey  
TG: if there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what  
CG: Dave.  
CG: Go to sleep.  
CG: It’s like midnight already.  
TG: yeah am i keeping you from your beauty sleep  
TG: more like a sleeping beauty  
TG: all laying there lips primed for a kiss from your prince charming  
TG: meanwhile im riding up on horseback to find you locked up in a tower guarded by a fucking dragon  
TG: hes saying turn back strider  
TG: karkat dont want any of your nonsense tonight  
CG: Karkat never wants your nonsense but somehow I always end up sitting here reading through practical miles of pesterlogs parsing through your metaphors to figure out what the actual fuck you’re even talking about.  
TG: the dragon is your brother all trying to protect you and shit  
TG: turns out hes only raging about romance cause theres a thorn in his paw  
TG: the thorn is his shitty boyfriend cheating on him  
TG: now he lashes out at everyone  
TG: cant get to the sleeping prince of encyclopediac romcom knowledge  
TG: til you spring yourself from the goddamn tower and yank that shit out  
TG: didnt even need the knight but you kiss him anyway  
CG: Daaaaaaave.  
CG: GO TO SLEEP.  
TG: come on dude its not even that late  
CG: We’re not all nocturnal assholes like you and your brother.  
CG: I for one try to go to bed at a reasonable time but that’s been out the window lately because I wind up staying up late entertaining your bullshit.  
TG: fine fine ill let you go then  
CG: Oh please, don’t make it out to seem like you’re some kind of martyr here just because I want a full night of sleep.  
TG: you say that literally every night you know youre gonna have some kind of fit of the insomniac variety and stay up talking to me  
TG: hell id bet youd stay up talking to me regardless  
CG: Don’t flatter yourself.  
TG: hey  
TG: are you still coming by tomorrow for movie night  
CG: That depends.  
CG: What heinous end-of-the-world action movie bullshit or whatever do you have on the agenda this week?  
TG: i dont want to hear any complaints  
TG: we had an agreement  
TG: whoever is hosting chooses the movie  
TG: and i have sat through when harry met sally and youve got mail so dont act like youre the one whos worse off here  
CG: First of all, those are cinematic _masterpieces_ that shaped the entire GENRE of romantic comedy  
CG: And second of all, you didn’t even answer the question.  
TG: i am legend  
CG: Fuck, Strider, I knew you had an ego but that’s saying a lot.  
TG: no the movie  
TG: i am legend.  
CG: I know.  
CG: It was a joke.  
CG: God forbid Karkat show a little sense of humor once in a while.  
CG: And fuck. No.  
CG: That’s like some zombie apocalypse trite nonsense, isn’t it?  
TG: well i mean  
TG: yeah  
TG: but its a will smith movie  
CG: Fuck.  
CG: Fine, you got me.

Movie nights were pretty much the only things Dave looked forward to anymore. He wasn’t doing well in school because he was getting so tired, even though his homework was almost always done; Dirk’s social life was blooming again since everyone seemed to have made amends, even Jake, though they weren’t back together like so many people seemed to be expecting. John and Rose and Jade all seemed to be busy with their own shit, and while Dave and Karkat hadn’t kissed again, they were talking a lot more and spending these weekly movie nights together. Dave had kind of gotten really upset with Rose about the whole situation shortly after New Year’s, and was still concerned about how it would look to display his romantic affections for Karkat to the whole world. It was safe to say that Dave wasn’t the only one struggling with his feelings; John was still pussy-footing about the whole Vriska thing, and honestly Dave was kind of tired of seeing John mope about it. Maybe Dave didn’t _like_ Vriska, but that would have to be a lesson John learned for himself, if she turned out to be as heinous as he thought. Either that, or she would get her act together. Seemed like she was toning things down since getting the crap kicked out of her a few weeks prior, pretty much as soon as school was back in session after winter break.

The next morning, Dave messaged John about it.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: so hows vriska after her beating  
EB: i don’t know, i haven’t talked to her.  
EB: she dumped some kinda heavy stuff on me on christmas and i haven’t really spoken to her since.  
TG: oh man  
TG: i thought you were the one who took her to ms paints afterwards  
EB: um…no.  
TG: weird  
TG: so youre that mad at her  
EB: i’m not mad at her  
EB: i just  
EB: i don’t know.  
TG: doesnt seem like she really knows either  
EB: i feel like she was just trying to get my attention  
EB: or deliberately trying to make me jealous by wanting to kiss tavros  
EB: which sucks for everyone involved  
TG: are you jealous though  
EB: a little!  
EB: not that it really matters  
EB: she can do whatever she wants i guess  
TG: dude  
TG: just ask her out if you like her so much  
EB: i thought you thought she’s dangerous.  
TG: yeah i do actually  
TG: but listen i know I told you to stay away from her but i cant really stand you being so mopey and sad  
EB: what?  
TG: youre my friend i want you to be happy  
EB: ha  
EB: gay  
TG: yeah thats me  
EB: how’s that going, by the way?  
TG: what  
EB: your thing with karkat  
EB: you two are like, boyfriends or something, right?  
TG: man what  
TG: no hes not my boyfriend  
TG: were just  
TG: hanging out  
TG: idk  
EB: lol why are you so embarrassed?  
TG: shut up  
TG: shut up is why  
EB: and here i thought you were the super-slick coolkid  
EB: and you know  
EB: karkat’s pretty adorable  
EB: er  
EB: strictly speaking from an aesthetic viewpoint.  
TG: dude  
TG: whos gay now  
EB: still probably you!  
EB: the one literally dating another guy!  
TG: nah  
TG: youre one of us  
TG: i have proof now  
EB: pffft  
EB: whatever.  
TG: you right tho  
EB: about what?  
TG: karkat being adorable  
TG: dont you dare screenshot that  
EB: too late!  
EB: i am _so_ tempted to send this to rose.  
TG: dude seriously dont  
TG: every time i try to talk to her about this shit  
TG: assuming shell understand the whole ‘dating the same gender’ thing  
TG: she does her pseudo therapist thing  
EB: oh man  
EB: i hate when she does that  
TG: shes always talking about toxic masculinity or some shit  
TG: anyway  
TG: back to the important thing which is not me and my relationship or lack thereof because were definitely NOT BOYFRIENDS  
TG: ask vriska out or something  
TG: you guys have been doing this wishy washy ‘will they wont they’ bullshit for a while  
TG: worse than ross and rachel  
EB: you watched friends?  
TG: ironically  
TG: ross is a shitlord anyway  
EB: he kind of is, actually.  
TG: but yeah fucking do it already  
EB: :B  
EB: i’ll think about it.  
TG: k good luck dude

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

“Hey Dirk, Karkat’s coming by again tomorrow.”  
“Again? You guys are spending a lot of time together.”  
“Don’t even start with that.”  
Dirk chuckled. “Oh, someone’s getting defensive. I didn’t even say anything.”  
“You were _thinking_ it. _Loudly._ Anyway I just had this same conversation with John. Karkat’s not my boyfriend.”  
“Do you want him to be?”  
Dave froze for a moment, then crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator. It was nice not having a bunch of terrible swords fall out and clatter to the floor. “Who’d have imagined us actually having food in a fridge and not a bunch of swords?”  
“Ha, yeah, it’s almost like we’re normal or something,” Dirk said, magnanimously letting Dave drop the subject. He wondered when Dave was going to be more comfortable with his sexuality. He knew Dave said something to Rose on Christmas, and clearly Dave wasn’t straight, but whatever that looked like, Dave would tell him in time. Adjusting to feelings wasn’t always easy; Dirk knew that firsthand. It was a miracle that he and Jake were even on speaking terms, but it was nice that things were far less awkward now that he and Jane _and_ he and Jake had patched things up. They’d really put a lot of pressure on Roxy as the one who kept them all together. Maybe things could feel somewhat normal again.

It wasn’t long before a knock came on the door. Dave was in his room, working on something, so Dirk opened the door. An extraordinarily short boy was there.  
“’sup?”  
“Hi… um… is Dave here?”  
“Oh, yeah, you must be Karkat,” Dirk said. He’d never actually met Karkat, but now that he had a face to go with the name, he could say that he’d seen Karkat around the school. “Come on in,” Dirk said, and Karkat sort of awkwardly shuffled in, probably intimidated of Dirk. He imagined it was sort of like meeting your partner’s parents for the first time, since he was Dave’s guardian now, but it was also a weird thought since they were only three years apart. “Dave! Your boyfriend’s here! M’name’s Dirk,” Dirk added as an afterthought.  
“Nice to meet you,” Karkat muttered, still looking unsure of himself.  
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Dave called from the hallway. God, hadn’t he made himself clear this morning? Oh shit. Karkat was already in the apartment, and almost definitely heard that. Dirk smirked at Dave, just the slightest bit, and Dave crossed his arms, clearly put out by the comment.  
“Alright, well I’ll leave you to it,” Dirk said, retreating to his room. Dave, still feeling the warmth of blush on his own cheeks, crossed the room, grabbed Karkat’s hand, and pulled him onto the couch. That was pretty much the entire breadth of their intimacy since New Year’s Eve.  
“Can’t believe you’re making me watch another zombie flick,” Karkat grumbled.  
“I promise you’re gonna like this one.”

Karkat and Dave both managed to shut up through the entirety of the movie; Karkat being fully engrossed by it. It was kind of adorable, actually, but what Dave found even more adorable was that Karkat slowly sank into the couch, and by the time the movie ended, his head was in Dave’s lap.  
“Whoa,” Karkat muttered at the end. Dave smiled.  
“Told you you would like it.”  
“Alright, yes, for once your selection did not suck ass.”  
“This is literally only the second time I’ve picked the movie.”  
“Yeah, and last time you made us watch _Battlefield Earth,”_ Karkat said with a sigh. Dave stifled a laugh.  
“Your movies are not much better.”  
“You are blatantly incorrect, but _fine._ What would you suggest for next week?” Dave felt himself blushing again, and could only hope that Karkat didn’t catch it. He shifted a little bit. This cuddling session was… well, it meant something, didn’t it? Karkat sat up.  
“I don’t know, I think a romcom might actually be appropriate,” Dave said. It was Valentine’s next week, wasn’t it? Maybe they could actually kiss again. Dave started fiddling with Karkat’s hand. “Unless you had something specific in mind.”  
“Maybe… we could go out again?” Dave flinched, squeezing Karkat’s hand. He wanted them to be a couple, but not _publicly_ a couple. Fuck. Why was he recoiling against this so bad.  
“Oh, uh, I don’t know.”  
“Not to a movie; maybe like… minigolf or something?”  
“I’d rather just… hang out here? Or at your place.” Karkat frowned, and Dave felt a little pang in his heart. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Karkat.  
“Sorry,” Karkat mumbled. “I just… all we’ve done is hang out and watch movies, and. I don’t… I’d rather… I want this to be something. There was a reason I asked you out, there was a reason we went on a date, and things seemed to go okay and now you’re all embarrassed and trite?”  
Fuck. He was really fucking this up. It was all messed up in his head. Dave knew he couldn’t even begin to explain, because even he didn’t know why he was so against actually going out with Karkat. “It’s complicated.” It would be so obvious if they were acting flirty around Valentine’s Day that they were a _real couple,_ and for some reason, that scared Dave.  
“Apparently I will never understand the enigma that is Dave Strider. Ugh. I don’t want to get into this. I only said we should go out because of Valentine’s Day.”  
“And that’s exactly why I _don’t_ want to go out next week. Another time.”  
“Okay. Fine… it’s fine,” Karkat said, even though it was so obviously not fine. He stood from the couch and started to cross towards the door. “I’ll message you later.”  
No, no, Dave didn’t want him to _leave._ His hand shot out and grabbed Karkat by the wrist. “You don’t need to leave, Karkat.”  
“I—”  
“No, it’s fine, let’s watch a show or something,” Dave said, pleading Karkat would want to spend more time with him.  
“Fine,” Karkat conceded, and dropped back onto the couch.  
Karkat stopped channel flipping on some standup, and Dave, who was absolutely exhausted from constant nightmares, fell asleep on top of him. For once, his sleep was peaceful, and just before he drifted off completely, he felt Karkat press a gentle kiss onto his forehead.

Peace did not last long. Dave started to shift a bit, slowly becoming aware of the sounds and feelings around him once again, and that noise; that terrible clanging noise that could only be two swords clashing against eachother hit his ears, and every terrible memory of every terrible strife on the roof flooded his mind once again. He sat up suddenly, sunglasses falling off his face. No, this couldn’t keep happening. Dave couldn’t breathe steadily; he was shaking; Bro was going to see how weak he was and come back and beat his ass.  
“Dave, are you okay?” A moment passed, and the sounds were gone, and there were someone’s hands on his cheeks; someone’s eyes looking back into his. “Dave, Dave look at me.” Red eyes. Not orange. “You’re okay, you’re with Karkat. You’re safe?”  
“Karkat?” Dave managed to say. Karkat. Karkat was good. Karkat was safe.  
“Yes, it’s me, it’s Karkat. Shhh, listen. Look at me. You’re okay. Breathe. You’re okay.” Dave started to catch his breathe, then let himself sink into Karkat’s arms. God, this was such an ordeal. He hadn’t wanted Karkat to see him like this; not ever. But he wasn’t judging; he just coiled his arms around Dave and gave him a tight hug. “You’re alright. I’ve got you.”  
“S-sorry. It was the… the sound.”  
“The sound. I know.”  
“Fucking… threw me back to all those times on the roof… getting my ass beat…”  
“Shh, it’s okay. Dirk!”  
No, no, not again. “Fuck, man, don’t call Dirk in here,” Dave managed a laugh. “He’s already seen me break down too many times.”  
“Too late. And that means he can help you better than I can. Dirk!”  
“Oh fuck, swords on TV?” Dave heard Dirk’s voice ask. Another hand was on Dave’s shoulder. “It’s alright, bro, you’re safe.” Dave took one more breath, and finally let go of Karkat.  
“I know, I know. I’m fine, sorry,” Dave said, still working to steady his breath. He watched as Dirk turned to Karkat.  
“Hey, order a pizza and get some drinks poured. Apple juice for him, orange soda for me, and help yourself to whatever else.”  
That was how Karkat ended up staying for dinner. Not the way Dave expected to start integrating Karkat into their “family” dynamics, but he was here nonetheless. Things seemed to relax more as Dave returned to whatever he could claim as normality.  
“Hey, Kar,” Dave started, still embarrassed by the whole ordeal, “sorry you had to see that. Some things just really freak me out.”  
“It’s fine, Dave. You’ve been through some shit; it’s okay.”  
After a while, Dirk offered Karkat a ride home, and left Dave at home alone, trying not to think about the awkward conversations that would come out of those two being alone.

Dave managed to get through to Monday, and thought that maybe school would keep his mind off of things, but it was a bit unsettling. He didn’t like that Karkat had seen him in such a state; what if he thought Dave was some kind of kid who couldn’t handle himself now? It was easier to just avoid the subject. Terezi messaged him partway through the day.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: So did I like  
GC: Do something?  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: why  
GC: Because suddenly nobody is talking to me, it’s weird and lonely :[  
TG: oh  
TG: no everyones just  
TG: dealing with their own shit i guess  
GC: I know, but  
GC: Mmmmm  
TG: hey TZ chill its fine  
GC: Yeah, you’re right, I know it’s not my fault or anything  
GC: Maybe I’m just used to having someone around  
TG: vriska?  
GC: Or Karkat or you  
GC: But you guys are practically attached at the hip now and I don’t want to third wheel  
GC: When did you two start spending so much time together anyway?  
TG: ha whatre you talking about  
GC: Oh, spare me the theatrics, Dave  
TG: fine  
TG: over break i guess  
GC: >:?  
TG: uh we had a date  
TG: and then  
TG: we sort of kissed  
TG: on new years  
GC: What  
TG: listen i dont totally want to talk about this  
GC: Um  
GC: Okay  
GC: Just know that this will require some explanation at some point >:]  
TG: fair enough  
TG: later TZ

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Fuck, _had_ he been neglecting his other friends? The last time he had a deep conversation with Terezi was after her mom had a miscarriage. Not to mention he hadn’t even been hanging out with John, Jade, or Rose as much, and there was _definitely_ something going on with Rose. She seemed less… composed, less inhibited. Almost like how Roxy used to be. Wait, was Rose going down the same rabbit hole that Roxy had fallen into? Was this alcoholism problem something that would just continue for the family? It was somewhat alarming to think about; they were cousins, after all, and Dave had already dealt with enough for one lifetime at the ripe old age of 15. Whatever the case, it seemed obvious that he needed to balance his time better. He owed everyone in his life who waved Bro’s red flags in his face at _least_ that. He owed Dirk a lot more, too. He was the one who _really_ worked to get Dave out of that situation.  
“Hey Dirk,” Dave said as they drove home from school that afternoon, “can I talk to you about something?” Dirk quirked an eyebrow upwards. It wasn’t like them to talk about their feelings, but maybe that was conditioned into them, and shouldn’t be sustained as something normal.  
“Sure. Is it… about Karkat?”  
“Uh, sort of,” Dave said, rubbing his neck. His skin was cold and clammy, and yet his cheeks felt warm. “I mean… we never really talked about… sexuality and stuff…” Dirk chuckled. “I didn’t think we’d need to at this point. Figured it was obvious.”  
“Yeah, but… I dunno. Makes me feel kinda scummy like Braiden, never wanting to label anything, and being afraid of genuine affection.”  
“So… do you _want_ to label yourself? ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like you’re that afraid of affection anymore.”  
Dave huffed a bit, fighting with the tightness in his chest. “I mean, well, what would _you_ call yourself?”  
Then it was Dirk’s turn to get embarrassed. “Well, I… you know… I’ve never really had a thing for girls.”  
“So you’re gay.”  
“I wish you wouldn’t be so pedantic about it.”  
“Dirk. If you don’t like girls, but want guys to wet your whistle, then I’m pretty sure that makes you gay.”  
“I guess I never wanted to totally eliminate the option,” Dirk admitted. “I was always worried that if I was out, publicly, people might look at me differently. Like that fucking gay stereotype.”  
“I don’t think being gay automatically makes you effeminate,” Dave muttered. “You’re the furthest thing from being effeminate, actually.”  
“So… what, you just want me to say it?”  
“I dunno,” Dave shrugged. “I just don’t think it will change people’s opinion of you as much as you think.”  
“Okay, fine. I’m gay,” Dirk said, shoulders tensing as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. He forced himself to take a deep breath. No sense in flying off the handle. Besides, Dave was right. It was almost a relief to say it out loud. “You should try taking your own advice, now.”  
“Well…” Dave muttered, his voice trailing, “I don’t really think gender should be relevant to your feelings about someone. If you like them, you like them. And, uh, I think that means I’m… pansexual.”  
“Is that what you told Rose on Christmas?”  
“Yeah. I mean, it’s pretty obvious at this point that I’m not a straight person, but… it’s kind of nice to have an identifier.”  
The corner of Dirk’s mouth slowly moved upward. “Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy, bro. So when are you gonna make a bigger move on Karkat?”  
“God, after _that_ embarrassment? I’ll be lucky if he ever wants to see me again.”

Apparently, Dave _was_ lucky, because Karkat messaged him that same evening.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: Hey  
CG: If you’re embarrassed about what happened this weekend and that’s why you haven’t been talking to me  
CG: Don’t worry about it  
CG: I should have realized when the movie came on that there would be swords  
CG: And I should have realized that might be an issue for you.  
TG: hey  
TG: dude its fine  
TG: im sick of that shit happening  
TG: was just gonna message you to see if youre still down for movie night this week  
CG: Oh  
CG: Yeah  
CG: I didn’t think you’d want to  
TG: of course i want to  
TG: i owe you a kiss on top of the head  
CG: Shit, you noticed that?  
TG: i notice everything dude  
CG: Don’t lie to me, you were asleep, you fuck.


	12. Karaoke Freakout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave might have totally botched this whole thing.

Of the many things that were becoming issues, including Dave’s apparent inability to address his feelings for Karkat on a public scale, the one that Dave considered to be escalating at a dangerous pace was Rose’s newfound alcoholism. She wasn’t even being subtle about it anymore, he was sure she showed up to school either drunk or hung over half the time now, and considering the habit rapidly amped up between February and the end of March, Dave decided he needed to say something before she embarrassed herself at John and Jane’s combo birthday party.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: so you going to johns birthday thing  
TT: yeee!!!  
TG: oh so DRUNK rose is coming  
TT: Dav don be silly  
TT: I yam fine  
TG: dude tose you gotta knock that shit off  
TG: you gotta know its not right to show up drunk to one of your best friends birthday party  
TG: youre too smart for this i just dont understand how you dont see theres a problem  
TT: maybe i do  
TT: maybe i jus don like thinkin so much  
TT: bein all overanalytical and shit  
TT: is the only way to get my brain to shut up  
TG: why would you  
TG: ugh  
TG: nevermind  
TG: just let me know when you get the sense knocked back into you

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Ugh. As much as Dave complained about Rose when she was sober, they’d actually had some kind of rapport. She had her pseudotherapeutic moments, but she was always trying to help, and when it wasn’t that, they did have genuinely funny and entertaining conversations. Talking to _drunk_ Rose was _actually_ unbearable. It was honestly baffling how Rose, one of the smartest people he knew, wanted to inhibit herself to shut her brain up, especially after she’d seen firsthand the impact that alcoholism would have on the people around her. He _knew_ Rose couldn’t stand how much Roxy used to drink, and even their mother had her fair share of wine, so how could she start doing this? But, whatever. Ultimately, it was not his circus.

The party itself was quite uneventful. Jane and John tended to keep things small and close. Jane made a delicious cake and they all sat around playing _Cards Against Humanity._ Rose was swaying, but not talking much, which seemed odd considering she probably _had_ been drinking, just a bit. The whole thing gave Dave a bit of relief from his guilt about not spending a lot of time with his friends, and just seeing John’s dorky laugh when he played, “If God didn’t want us to enjoy the size of my penis, he shouldn’t have given us the whole goddamned thing,” made the whole thing worth it. After a few rounds, they began just chatting, and then Jade, quite abruptly, stood up and went outside, though she’d been smiling just moments before. Something didn’t feel right to Dave, and so he followed.  
“What’s up, Harley?”  
Jade scoffed at him. “What do you mean?”  
“I mean you just like, ran out of the party for no discernable reason.”  
Jade sighed and flopped onto the lawn. “I dunno. I guess, like, you guys have all known each other for so long and been involved in each other’s lives so intricately, and sometimes I feel like my grandparents shouldn’t have brought me here, because I just don’t quite fit.”  
“Jade, come on. You’re like the only other cool person here besides me and Dirk.” Jade giggled.  
“What, come on, John’s not cool?”  
“Nah. John’s a big fuckin’ dweeb and we both know it.”  
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Jade sighed again and Dave sat down next to her. “It’s just been a really weird year.”  
“Tell me about it,” Dave said with a grin. “Look, if you’re feeling out of place, that’s normal high school shit. Consider it part of the experience.”  
That seemed to lighten Jade up a bit. She smiled. “Sorry. Seems so tame compared to what you’ve dealt with this year.”  
“Hey, don’t be sorry. It’s fine, not like the fuckin’ trauma Olympics over here. But you know, me and John and Rose are always gonna be around for you.”  
Jade let out a contented sigh. “Thanks, Dave.”

There was a message that Dave had been ignoring, for sake of the party. He didn’t want to be rude and stick his nose in his phone during the party.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: Okay, dickweed.  
CG: Time to stop putting this off.  
TG: what  
CG: We’re going on another date.  
CG: A real date.  
TG: sure thing  
TG: what did you have in mind sweetcheeks  
CG: You’re insufferable.  
TG: you love it <3  
CG: Ignoring that for the moment  
CG: There’s a karaoke place downtown.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: yeah man i am so down for that  
TG: i can finally show you what a dope rapper i am  
CG: Please never string together those words again.  
TG: yo im fly as fuck  
CG: Now you’re trying too hard to sound terrible.  
TG: you know it  
TG: hows tomorrow  
CG: Tomorrow’s fine.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead

Okay, so this would be a little bit more noticeable than dinner and a movie, and it would _definitely_ be more noticeable than them just hanging out. Dave _did_ want something more with Karkat, so why was his stomach in knots when he thought about them being like, a _real_ couple? Whatever. He couldn’t have that attitude on their second date.

Dave got to the karaoke place before Karkat did. This was…very public. It wasn’t one of those places with private rooms, it was a full stage in front of everyone. Dave was already feeling incredibly reticent about this whole thing, but he still got those little butterflies in his stomach when Karkat showed up.  
“Hey Vantass. What’s up?”  
“Why… why are you like this,” Karkat grumbled, shaking his head a bit.  
“You know you like it.”  
“Yeah.”  
Dave started to head inside, but something tugged him back. Karkat. Karkat’s hand, holding his. Dave hesitated, a million alarm bells going off in his head. And instead of letting Karkat make his move, he let his hand slip out of Karkat’s and went inside, Karkat following. When it was Dave’s turn, he decided to actually show off his rap skills with Eminem’s _Rap God,_ only to make himself wince at some of the derogatory language. For someone admitting their queerness, dropping the f-slur didn’t feel very good. Karkat was at their table, looking a bit morose, and Dave couldn’t help but wonder if they should have just fucking held hands. At the end of the song, Dave put the microphone back.  
“Please do not drop the mic, audio equipment is expensive.” A few people in the crowd laughed, then Dave returned to the table with Karkat. “Your turn, KV.” He was still wearing a deep frown. Karkat flipped through the song selection, then took to the stage. If nothing else, Dave was just happy to be out with him. But then, Karkat started singing.  
“When you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye. You’re just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry.” He sounded so… sad. Why was he so sad? Why was Dave just fucking this whole thing up? “You float like a feather in a beautiful world. I wish I was special. You’re so fucking special. But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.” Dave wanted to shout at him, _of course you belong here, stupid._ “I don’t care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I’m not around. You’re so fucking special. I wish I was special. But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.” Oh no. Karkat looked like he was about to cry. “He’s running out again. He’s running out… he run, run, run, run, ruuuuuun!” He… he _was_ crying. Dave shirked in his seat as Karkat finished the song. “Whatever makes you happy. Whatever you want. You’re so fucking special. I wish I was special. But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here,” Karkat finished, wiping the tears off his cheeks. Oh, God. This was… this was so much. Dave wanted a bottomless pit to open up and swallow him, right then and there. Karkat marched past him and left. Dave sat, frozen for a moment, until a voice shouted in his head, _go after him, numbnuts._  
“Kar! Karkat!” Dave shouted, following him to the street. Karkat didn’t stop. His shoulders tightened and he moved even faster. “Karkat, wait up!” Karkat couldn’t just run away. They needed to talk about this. Dave resorted to running, just enough that he could pull in front of Karkat and stop him. “Kar, what the fuck was that?”  
“You can stop acting like you care now, Dave,” Karkat sniffled. “I’m tired of being on the receiving end of your pity.” He moved to shove past Dave, but not really that hard. Dave barely pressed on Karkat’s shoulders to stop him.  
“What the hell are you talking about?” This wasn’t some kind of act. Had he really messed up that badly?  
“Dude, what are you after here? I think I’ve made myself pretty fucking clear on what my intentions are but every time I actually try to act like we’re dating or whatever the fuck, you get all weird about it! I’m tired of letting you fuck around with my feelings, okay? In fact, I fucking hate this! Just figure it out already, your wishy-washy bullshit is making me hate myself even more than I already did. So what the fuck is your issue? Am I not good enough for you? If that’s the case, fucking say it instead of saying yes when I ask you out. Just cut me off, because I can’t keep playing your goddamn mind games.”  
Fuckity fuck fuck fucking hell. Dave really _was_ being just an absolute colossal jackass, and he knew it. Jerking Karkat around like that. He needed to figure out how to express himself, and fast.  
“Karkat, I think you’re looking for more than I am.” Liar. Stupid, stupid liar.  
“So… what, I’ve been wasting my time hanging around?”  
“Nah, man, I _like_ hanging out with you. I just… don’t really want a commitment right now.”  
“God, you’re such a prick!” This time, Karkat actually did manage to shove past Dave, who had an unbelievable knot in his stomach.  
“Kar, Kar, Kar, wait, no,” Dave said, once again reaching out for Karkat and yanking him back by his shoulder. “I’m not sure I understand what I’ve done wrong.”  
“Dave, I don’t _want_ to just hang around, okay? God, why is this so fucking difficult? I want you to be my _boyfriend._ I don’t want you to be embarrassed to hold hands with me, and peck me on the cheek, and do cheesy stupid duets at the karaoke place, and ruffle my hair, and do all the stuff every fucking normal couple gets to do instead of rescind like I just threw up on your shoes every time I try to show you some kind of goddamn affection. If this was all bullshit, why did you always flirt so hard with me? I don’t _fucking_ get it.”  
Dave’s heart was pounding. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he just couldn’t find the words. He wanted to reassure Karkat, he wanted to say it wasn’t just games, it was real, he wanted to say that they could be more, but he was afraid, and ask Karkat to show him how to not be afraid. Instead, all that he could manage to say was, “It wasn’t all bullshit, Karkat, I… ugh. You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Try me, asshole.”  
“Man, it’s really complicated and I just…”  
“I’ve had it with your ‘it’s complicated’ nonsense, okay? It really just feels like you’re jerking me along or something.” This time, Karkat really _did_ shove past Dave, and walked away.  
“But—”  
“‘But’ nothing, assmunch!” Karkat shouted. Dave did the only thing he could think of. He reached out and grabbed Karkat’s hand. Karkat yanked himself away from Dave. “Leave me alone!” Dave opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ to try to explain the mess he’d gotten himself into, but a large, scary-looking man put a stop to this.  
“Is there a problem here?” Dave shirked away.  
“N-no problem, sir,” Dave muttered.  
“Really? Cause it seemed like you were harassing this kid here.”  
“It’s okay, sir,” Karkat said. “I was just leaving.”  
Dave hung his head in his hands. Man, what the _fuck_ had he done?

When Dave got home, all he knew was that he really needed to talk to someone about what had happened.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: so i may have colossally fucked up  
GC: Oh lord  
GC: What happened  
TG: kar and i were on a date  
TG: and he started crying onstage  
TG: he was like really upset  
TG: with me  
GC: Why?  
TG: dunno  
GC: Really, you don’t think there’s _anything_ you did?  
TG: well  
TG: maybe  
GC: >:?  
TG: short version is i have problems with affection  
GC: Okay…?  
GC: Do you want to talk about it?  
TG: dunno  
TG: lets not for now  
TG: howre you doing  
GC: Well…  
GC: To be honest I’ve been better  
TG: how so  
GC: Just  
GC: I dunno, like I said I’m just used to having someone around  
TG: and you still havent talked to vris at all have you  
GC: No  
TG: well maybe thats not a bad idea at this point  
GC: You think?  
TG: listen im all for cutting toxic people out of your life  
TG: and i definitely dont want to encourage some weird co-dependency  
TG: but if you miss her so much  
TG: and lets be real you do  
TG: you should at least tell her how youre feeling right now  
TG: and honestly i think vris is at least trying to make an improvement  
TG: i think tavros talked to her or something  
GC: Hmm  
GC: Maybe you’re right  
GC: You know that you’re really smart, don’t you Dave?  
TG: tsh my grades beg to differ  
GC: No, not booksmart  
GC: Or maybe you are and you don’t apply yourself :P  
GC: But you’re like, people-smart  
GC: You and Rose both have this really huge skill for interpreting other people and helping them through issues  
GC: But somehow have difficulty figuring out your own  
GC: Because boy does she smell like alcohol lately  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: ive noticed  
TG: if she doesnt knock it off i think ill have to put an intervention together or something  
GC: Well count me in on that  
TG: so what do you think  
TG: gonna make up with vris  
GC: Maybe  
GC: I’ll talk to her in class tomorrow  
GC: Thanks, Dave

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fnjksnfjwe havent been written  
> grad school hard :(


	13. Forced Procrastination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk has to make some life decisions; Dave has to try to fix things

Dirk held the letter in his hands; the one holding his college admission. With everything that had been happening in the winter, he’d missed a lot of deadlines, and this letter contained his only chance at going to college in the fall. It was precarious, though. He still wanted to be around for Dave, and be able to support him. If he was in school himself, then that support became a little more strenuous. After all they’d gone through to be on their own, was it worth risking that for college? Especially if it wasn’t even all that imperative to go right away. Well, the admissions letter would have the first say. If he didn’t get in, then the decision was taken out of his hands. If he _did,_ then Dirk would have to choose; between his brother and himself. It would almost be easier to be rejected. Or not open it at all. But, at the very least, Dirk wanted to know he was good enough for college.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: Did you get yours  
TT: Get my what?  
GT: Your admission letter dunderhead  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: Haven’t opened it yet.  
TT: How about you?  
GT: I got in  
TT: To Skaia?  
GT: Yeah  
TT: So…  
TT: What’re you going to do?  
TT: Because the last time we all talked about college, you were considering going back to England.  
GT: I know  
GT: I havent quite decided  
GT: I do think it would be a shame to leave  
GT: And Skaia U has quite a rigorous and well established archaeology department  
TT: Well, you know.  
TT: Roxy would hate to say goodbye.  
TT: Frankly, we all would.  
GT: You too?  
TT: Yeah, of course.  
GT: Right  
GT: I must admit im more inclined to stay than go  
GT: Its quite difficult for me to make friends so it would be nice to stay close to you all  
GT: Actually yeah that sounds way nicer compared to going back to England  
GT: And to the devil with what gramps will say  
TT: Do what will make you happy.  
GT: Whatre you gonna do  
TT: Dunno.  
TT: Frankly, it’ll be easier if I don’t get in at all.  
GT: What on earth makes you say that  
GT: Youre bound to get in  
TT: Yeah, but…  
TT: I have to be responsible.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

The letter truly didn’t matter. Dirk pulled something out of the kitchen drawer. A lighter. His thumb hovered over the trigger. With just a bit of hesitation, he flicked it open and lit the letter on fire, and let it burn to ash in the kitchen sink. There were more important things in the world. College could wait.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified

GG: Dirk, what do you think I should do?  
TT: What a broad question.  
GG: What a helpful answer.  
TT: Do in regards to what?  
GG: School.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Fuck, I don’t know.  
GG: What are you doing?  
TT: I don’t know.  
TT: Probably trade school. Night classes.  
TT: I have to look after Dave now, so that throws a wrench into things. Not that I’m not happy to do it, of course.  
GG: Of course.  
TT: What’s the dilemma exactly?  
GG: I suppose I’m just torn.  
GG: I could go to school with Roxy and get my Bachelor’s in Business, which would be a good choice considering my inheritance of the company.  
GG: Or… I could go to culinary school.  
TT: What do you want to do?  
GG: I suppose I would prefer culinary school.  
GG: But I would be alone.  
TT: Eh, everyone goes to college alone.  
TT: At least at first.  
GG: You’re probably right, but…  
GG: I hate the thought of all of us going our separate ways.  
TT: I’ll still be living here.  
TT: Roxy will probably stay close by.  
TT: And Jake decided not to go back to England, so…  
GG: Oh!  
GG: I hadn’t heard he’d made up his mind.  
GG: So what is he doing?  
TT: Studying Archaeology at Skaia U.  
GG: So really if I leave, I’ll be the only one to do so.  
TT: Fuck, dude, you’ll visit at least.  
TT: I really do think you should do what you want.  
TT: It’s not as if you’re going to run out of money.  
TT: You’re a fucking mogul.  
GG: But what if I find I can’t run a business?  
TT: Jane, you’re smart and intuitive.  
TT: You’ll be fine, no matter what you do.  
GG: Gosh, well… shucks, buster!  
TT: I know you’re excited but watch the fucking language.  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: Well, I suppose I will need to talk to my father about enrollment.  
TT: Where is this culinary school?  
GG: Well. I got into one in New York, one in-state, and one in Chicago.  
GG: I will probably stay in California, though, so visiting is easier.  
TT: Damn.  
TT: Go Crocker.  
GG: :B  
GG: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dirk.  
GG: I think I needed that.  
TT: What’re friends for.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

Really, so glad to work out everyone else’s problems with education besides his own. It wasn’t like he _resented_ Dave for it, but it just really sucked that he put his life on hold. But what was the other option, leave Dave there to get the shit beat out of him on a daily basis? Dirk knew he’d done the right thing, but fuck if growing up wasn’t hard.

Dave was also fielding problems via Pesterchum, problems that frankly weren’t his problems to deal with. Under current circumstances, he was far more inclined to ignore Rose, but it seemed like she was talking some sense. Sort of.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: daveeeee  
TT: i fuckd up  
TT: kanaye s really mad at me  
TG: what did you do?  
TT: im jus like  
TT: hella drunk and comin back from her place  
TT: i think i need to  
TT: lie down  
TT: an also not drink ennymore  
TG: dude  
TG: thats what ive been saying like since you started  
TT: sorryyyyyy  
TT: is not very often that dave strider is the voice of reason  
TG: im not sure whether to be flattered or offended  
TG: do you need me to help with anything  
TT: no  
TT: im gonna talk to roxy  
TG: okay  
TT: are you n dirk still coming for dinner tomnorw?  
TG: i think so  
TG: we can talk then if you want  
TT: yes thank you

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

It wasn’t like going to the Lalondes’ for dinner was something the boys were trying to make a habit of; Dirk thought it was bad form for them to lean on their aunt so much and they were perfectly capable of feeding themselves, but since the whole ordeal with Braiden, their Aunt Rowan seemed to be putting more of an emphasis on family, and pretty much would not relent until they came over and let her feed them. On the drive over, Dave’s phone was pretty much blowing up with a new memo.

twinArmageddons [TA] started memo on board: aradia’s birthday shenanigans

TA: okay guys so  
TA: aradia’s been away from skaia high for a couple months  
TA: but i thought it would be cool of us to throw her a surprise party  
TA: ive already arranged things with her dad, and tavros and i are taking care of snacks and decorations  
TA: all you guys have to do is show up to Prospit park at 4:30 on friday

adiosToreador [AT] responded to memo

AT: actually, if anyone wants to help me set up, that’d be great

cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo

CC: Shore! I’d love to be there for Aradia.  
CC: I can’t help set up, though. I have swim practice after school.  
CC: Sorry, Tav.  
AT: that’s fine

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo

AG: You mean you’ve actually done something helpful, toreadork?  
AT: um, yeah, actually  
AT: sollux told me about this on friday  
AT: we’ve been planning.  
AG: Whatever, as if I’d go to a surprise part for _Aradia,_ of all people.  
AG: Finally gonna ask her out, Lispy McAsshat?  
TA: maybe  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fine, I’ll show up just to watch that disaster unfold.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo

CG: What the fuck is your problem?

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: wow, vriska, calm down.  
CG: Aradia has always been a good friend.  
CG: I don’t get why you hate her so much.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo

GA: Yes, Aradia has been helping me with my romantic problems, despite having her own, and despite being quite away from us.  
GA: I would love to attend.  
CG: Yeah, shut the fuck up, Serket.  
CG: I’ll go.

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo

TG: im in  
TG: rose and jade too probably  
TA: are they not in the chat?  
TG: i dunno theyre not online right now  
TG: but im seeing rose later so ill let her know  
CG: Nepeta says she’ll come too.  
TA: if you hear from gz, let him know too  
CG: Yeah, okay.  
CG: He’s been making himself scarce lately though.  
TA: yeah i know  
CC: Eridan wants to know if he’s invited.  
TA: eugh  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: equius too  
TA: though that might be awkward  
CG: He’s here too.  
CG: He says he’ll go.  
TA: ff what the fuck is Eridan doing at your house?  
CC: We’re still friends, Sollux!  
TA: whatever  
AG: Okay, we’re all fucking going, can this pointless chat end now?  
TG: what about terezi  
CG: Why don’t YOU tell her, Strider?  
TG: no need to be jealous karkles  
TG: you know id never dream of anyone but you  
CG: Shut the fuck up, don’t call me Karkles.  
TA: you two are fucking gross.  
TA: see you all at the party, then.  
CG: You’ll see us at school tomorrow, dipshit.  
AG: Hey, yeah, why couldn’t this idiocy have waited for then?  
TA: fuck, this just seemed easier.  
TA: you don’t have to get up my ass about it.  
EB: oh, tavros, i’ll help you set up if you want!  
AT: oh, yeah  
AT: thanks, john

twinArmageddons [TA] closed memo on board: aradia’s birthday shenanigans

Dave sighed. Great. He’d tell Rose in person, but first he had to loop in Terezi and Jade.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: hey so sols putting together a surprise party for aradias birthday  
GC: Oh, is that what the memo was about?  
TG: yup  
TG: i wasnt sure if you saw it  
TG: or heard it or whatever  
GC: No, my phone AI won’t read memos unless I ask her to.  
GC: I have a hard time keeping track of who said what in those big group chats.  
TG: makes sense  
TG: well that was pretty much the gist of it  
GC: Hm, okay.  
GC: Thanks for letting me know.  
TG: no problem  
TG: is everything okay  
GC: I’m just  
GC: There’s just some shit going on.  
GC: I’ll be fine.  
TG: yeah okay  
GC: So when’s the party?  
TG: friday after school  
TG: prospit park  
GC: Okay, nice.

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey did you see solluxs group chat  
GG: uh huh just busy!  
GG: ill be there though  
TG: k cool beans

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Something was definitely going on with Terezi, but Dave didn’t want to pry. She knew that she could talk to him, so if things were really that bad, she would tell him when she was ready. Besides, there was a lot of other shit on Dave’s mind. Like how shitty he felt for how things ended with Karkat at the end of their fucked up date a few weeks back.

When Dave and Dirk got to the Lalondes’, Dave pretty much collapsed onto the couch near Rose. Looked like she’d been knitting most of the afternoon.  
“Hey Rose,” Dave muttered. Guilt was eating at his stomach. Rose sighed, set her knitting down, and turned to face him.  
“Is something wrong?”  
“Oh shit, Sober Rose is back,” Dave said. _Finally._  
“Yes, she is. I’ve finally realized I can’t _be_ someone I’m not via alcohol abuse. But don’t change the subject. I asked about _you.”_ Dave simultaneously wanted to talk about things and to talk about anything _but._ He let out a loud groan and sunk further into the couch.  
“I kinda colossally screwed things up with Karkat.”  
“What? What happened?”  
“We were on this date a few weeks ago and he tried to hold my hand and I sort of reflexively rebuffed, and then he started crying while he was singing, and accused me of jerking him around and not really meaning any of it and I just… shut down… I don’t know. Kinda got all messed up thinking about the idea of actually calling him my… uh…” Dave couldn’t even make himself say it to Rose.  
“Boyfriend?”  
Dave chewed on the inside of his lip. “He hasn’t spoken to me since.”  
“And how does that make you feel?”  
“Rose.”  
“I’m genuinely asking.”  
“I dunno, shitty? I don’t like the idea of not having him around.”  
“Dave, you have a crush on him; feelings for him. More than just flirting; more than just ‘hanging out’. I know it might be difficult for you, but _you_ have to be the one the fix things here.”  
Dave got quiet. He knew she was right, he just didn’t know _how_ to fix things. He needed to talk to Karkat. “Yeah… hey, you missed the group chat earlier. There’s a surprised party for Aradia on Friday.”  
“Oh! Well count me in, then.”

Dave spend all of Monday morning gathering his courage, and approached Karkat in the hallway.  
“Hey… Karkat. How’s it, uh. How’s it going?” God, were the knots in his stomach _ever_ going to go away? Karkat turned, a deep scowl on his face.  
“Seriously? Practically a month and that’s the best you could come up with? I don’t even know what to say to that. How am I, let me see… oh yeah. I had my best friend committed yesterday, so there’s that. He beat the shit out of my sister and _her_ best friend and guess who had to rescue them? That’s right! Fucking Karkat! I am so close to losing my goddamn mind, I really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with your shit, okay? I swear I’m gonna have a fucking breakdown and for once your bull isn’t _fucking helping,_ alright? I can’t fucking do this anymore.” Dave internally wilted with every word Karkat said. He was right. Dave wasn’t being fair. This was all so messed up; how did he mess this up so bad? How could he show Karkat he was sorry? That he cared? That he could be the shoulder to lean on, not the hand dragging him down? There weren’t any words there, so instead, Dave pulled Karkat into a hug. The next words Dave heard weren’t from Karkat’s mouth.  
“What a couple of faggots.” Dave felt his entire body go rigid. This. This was what he’d been afraid of; being judged for being publicly affectionate. Being _demeaned_ because of something he couldn’t control. The words echoed in his head, the speaker’s voice slowly replaced by Bro’s voice. Bro would hate this. Bro would call him weak, a pansy. A _fag._  
Karkat pulled out of Dave’s arms and walked a few paces after the jocks who’d insulted them, putting himself between them and Dave. “Hey dicksniffer! You got a problem?”  
“Kar, don’t,” Dave heard himself mutter.  
“You should listen to your boyfriend, freshmeat.” Dave bristled again.  
“Ouch, wow, I am so wounded by your insult.”  
“I don’t wanna see you and your fucking boy toy here displaying your blatant homosexuality in public.”  
“Okay, meathead, apparently I need to break this shit down for you. First of all, the assumption that two guys hugging must make them gay is absolutely fucking absurd. Just because your masculinity is more fragile than glass blown by a hummingbird doesn’t mean affection _actually_ is this weirdly feminine thing. I can hug my friend; it’s not a fucking anomaly. In fact, you should try it some time. Something tells me you didn’t get enough affection as a child. Secondly, even if we _were_ a gay couple, that’s not a bad thing. It’s the 21st century, dipshit. I don’t know if you realize this, but newsflash! Gay people exist! And they’re allowed to do so in public, so get off your high horse.” For once, Dave wished he had a sword on him, because that jock looked like he was about to pummel Karkat into the floor. It was the second jock who called him off.  
“Brigham, don’t. You’ll get suspended from the team.”  
The first boy let out a groan. “You got lucky this time.” As they walked away, Dave heard Karkat let out a heavy breath as he came back towards him.  
“You’re an idiot,” Dave muttered.  
“Wow, thanks. What did you even do that for?”  
Dave shrugged. “Dunno. Seemed like you needed it. I… wanted to apologize for being so difficult.”  
“Yeah, whatever,” Karkat muttered, still sounding surly.  
“Are you still mad at me?”  
“Of course I am! Asshole.” Somehow, that hurt more than the other word Dave had just been called. Ugh! Why couldn’t Karkat just see! Dave’s frustration boiled over.  
“Well I’m sorry! I’ve got issues, okay?”  
“And _I_ don’t?! Everyone has issues!” Dave took a deep breath. Karkat was right. Everyone had issues. It wasn’t an excuse.  
“Alright… okay… I want to make this right, Karkat. Do you wanna come watch a movie tonight?”  
“Why the everloving fuck would I want to do that?”  
“Cause… I miss hanging out with you.”  
“Yeah, blow it out your ass. Talk to me when you’ve got an explanation.” And with that, Karkat left Dave in the hallway with nothing else to be said.

This made the party on Friday exceptionally awkward. Dave made a point to stick with Jade and Terezi, and was really only there because he’d already agreed, not that he was particularly close with Aradia. Pretty much everything Karkat had said to those jocks rang through Dave’s mind. Was his masculinity so fragile that he couldn’t be comfortable with his own feelings? And why was he so worried if people saw him as less than straight? It was the stupid mentality Braiden drilled into him. He may have left Braiden, but his influence was still so present. But he couldn’t be around Dave; they’d made sure of that, so why did Dave care so much about someone who wasn’t his guardian; hell, wasn’t even _family_ at this point, thought of him? It was so exhausting to fight those instincts; to be okay with who he was, but he needed to figure that shit out instead of hurting those around him. Fuck. At least Jade and Terezi were there.  
“Hey, did I ever tell you that John thought I had a thing for you before we came out to him?” Dave said, trying to get out of his own head. Jade laughed, snorted, and laughed again.  
“Did he really? Whoa, can you imagine if you and I dated and Jake and Dirk dated?”  
“I try not to think about it. Dirk would always want to go on doubles.”  
“Soooo, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you think you identify as?”  
Dave let out a sigh. It was a fair question, and it’s not like he was trying to hide anything. “I told Rose I’m pan and… that feels about right.”  
After another moment, Karkat shouted loud enough for the entire party to hear.  
“HOLY SHIT! I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  
“Karkat, you FUCKER! Can you not lose your shit for one day?!” Sollux shouted back.  
“Well excuse me, shithead. My dad just got shot.”  
Dave’s stomach dropped. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so originally i was planning on having this up last week and finishing up striders this week and maybe starting the makaras but uhhhh vastly underestimated how much work i had to put into my grad school stuffs OTL  
> im still gonna try to catch up and have more up this week but no promises


	14. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets his act together

“Hey Dirk? Things are wrapping up here sooner than expected. Can you come get me and Jade?”  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Yeah, I’ll, uh. I’ll talk to you about it later.”  
“Alright,” Dirk murmured. Dave had a terrible pit in his stomach. Karkat’s dad had been so chill. And for this to happen right after Dave made a giant ass of himself… shit, Karkat was really going through it. There was a lot of murmuring going on around the party as people tried to arrange for their rides to show up early. Sollux looked pretty disgruntled at the whole thing. Dave put one arm around Jade, and another around Terezi, and the three of them huddled into a grop hug. Dave knew that both of the girls knew how great Solomon had been. Wow. Shit really did suck. Terezi’s mom showed up before too long, and she turned to Dave.  
“Dave, do you need a ride home?” Terezi asked. Most of the other party guests had left, leaving only Aradia, her father, and a few stragglers.  
“Nah, Dirk and Jake are on their way to get us,” Dave muttered. Terezi didn’t say anything else, but she did give Dave one more parting hug. There was a huge gaping pit in Dave’s stomach. How could this be happening? It was true he’d only met Mr. Vantas a couple times, when he went over there for movie night, but he still seemed so kind. Fuck, Dave should be with Karkat right now. He should be helping him through this. How could they have left things so badly? Dave knew he _really_ needed to screw his head on straight. He looked at Jade, who wore an expression of concern, but neither of them said anything to each other. He could tell Jade wanted to ask, but Dave really didn’t want to go down that road right now. Even when they were in the car, Dave was absolutely itching to talk to Dirk about things, but that desire was outweighed by the fact that he really _didn’t_ want to talk about it in front of Jade and Jake. Jake seemed blithely unaware of the gravity of the situation, while Dirk was quiet and unreadable. Jade seemed pretty morose, too. All Dave wanted to do was look out for Karkat, but wow, guess he really screwed the pooch on that one. Even if Dave messaged Karkat, he was bound to ignore it.

Dave felt pretty miserable, spending most of the weekend worrying. All he could see was the image of Karkat running off with Nepeta playing over and over again like some kind of out of whack film reel projecting in his mind. Okay. Okay. He needed to do _something._ Well, it wasn’t even just Karkat, either. It was Kanaya, and Nepeta. Dave took his phone out.

turntechGodhead [TG] opened memo on board: vantas leijon maryam protection squad 

TG: hey so  
TG: yall are the ones closest to karkles nep and kan respectively  
TG: i figured if you guys hear anything we can keep each other up to date  
TG: so we all know how to support them  
TG: even though kar isnt talking to me right now 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo

GC: I haven’t heard anything.  
GC: I think Kar is staying at the hospital until they let his dad out  
TG: hmmm 

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo

TT: Nothing from Kanaya yet, either. 

centaursTesticle [CT]  responded to memo

CT: I messaged Nepeta.  
CT: She seemed very alarmed but they have Solomon with the doctors.  
TT: Did she say anything about anyone’s emotional state?  
CT: She said  
CT: AC: everyone is sad and scared and i am too and there’s nothing we can do about it!  
TG: valid  
GC: Okay well, if anyone gets an update, let us know. 

The first thing Dave noticed on Monday was that Karkat wasn’t at school. It was hard to ignore that he’d been in the hospital with his father for three days, which didn’t exactly feel reassuring about his odds of survival. It was hard to imagine, though, that if something _had_ happened, Karkat hadn’t reached out to anyone, even if it wasn’t Dave. Oh man. The memo picked up again during class.

TT: Kanaya said there hasn’t been any news.  
TG: no news is good news  
TT: Theoretically, yes.  
TT: But she’s still a bit…  
TT: Out of it.  
CT: As is Nepeta.  
CT: I suggest we be delicate about the topic.  
TT: A wise choice indeed, Equius.  
GC: You guys haven’t seen Karkat around, have you?  
TG: he wasnt in class this morning  
TG: wouldnt surprise me if he didnt show up at all  
TG: i mean  
TG: you said he was staying at the hospital until his dad gets released so maybe hes still there  
GC: That’s what’s worrying me; it’s been three days.  
GC: He’s not answering my messages.  
TG: come on dude his dad is in the hospital.  
GC: Yeah, I’m just…  
GC: Worried.  
TT: We all are. 

Okay, so maybe Dave was being a bit blasé about it, but it was more for his own peace of mind that for anyone else’s reassurance. If Dave was looking for a word from Karkat, it didn’t come in the way that he’d been hoping. It came in the form of yet another group memo.

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  opened memo on board: FUCK 

CG: Hey everyone.  
CG: So…  
CG: Bad news…  
CG: My dad…he…  
CG: Didn’t make it. 

Dave’s stomach dropped. No, that couldn’t be real.

cuttlefishCuller [CC]  responded to memo

CC: Karkat, I’m so sorry! 

turntechGodhead [TG]  responded to memo

TG: fucking blows dude  
CG: Don’t be sarcastic, Strider.  
TG: im not  
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact capable of sincerity  
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude  
TG: instead of hopping all over me the minute i open my mouth  
TG: all up in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick  
CG: GROSS, fuck off  
TG: nah man the fuck is on  
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean  
TG: looking for one? 

Jesus fuck what was Dave saying. Shut up, shut up, shut _up._

twinArmageddons [TA]  responded to memo

TA: wouldn’t put it past him.   
TG: haha nice one man 

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

TG: rose holy shit  
TG: what the fuck is wrong with me  
TG: im supposed to be fixing things with him not wedging the foot farther into my mouth  
TG: why do i say some of the things i say jfc  
TT: I can’t really begin to answer that.  
TT: But I can guess it’s because you have a difficult time showing genuine affection.  
TT: You tried to console him in a real way, and then played it off with jokes to avoid looking like there’s serious care.  
TT: Especially for another boy.  
TG: ughhhhhh i hate this  
TG: i just keep making things worse  
TT: Try to avoid making this about you.  
TT: He’s the one who just lost his father, after all.   
TG: dont make me feel like more of an ass  
TG: i know im terrible at this shit  
TG: rose?  
TG: god damn it 

CG: You FUCKERS!   
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it’s seriously not cool.   
CG: I’m having an honest to God crisis. 

arachnidsGrip [AG]  responded to memo

AG: Honestly, Karkat, when aren’t you having a crisis?   
CG: UUUUUGH forget it.  
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes? 

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo

EB: guys, come on  
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him.  
EB: i don’t think it’s the time for dick jokes.  
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?  
EB: dave, no.  
EB: i’m not…  
EB: i’m straight, dave.  
TG: sure  
TG: youre about as straight as i am   
TG: but sure 

TT: You’re projecting, Dave.   
TG: what?  
TT: Onto John.  
TT: Implying he’s confused about his sexuality.  
TG: look i already admitted to you i think im pan what more do you want from me  
TT: I just don’t see why you continue to make these jokes at John’s expense. Maybe he ISN’T straight, but that’s his business and something he’ll have to come to terms with on his own. 

CG: Egbert, PLEASE. I DON’T need your fucking help.   
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.  
AG: Soooooooo  
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?  
AG: Half of us aren’t even online right now.  
TA: man i wish i wasn’t  
CG: I was trying to get to that.  
CG: I could honestly really use some moral support right now.  
CG: So you’re all invited to the funeral.  
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up.  
CG: Now leave me alone. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  is now an idle chum!

TG: i just  
TG: dunno what to do  
TG: pretty sure kar hates me now  
TT: You have to make a gesture and talk about your feelings without making a plethora of dick jokes.  
TT: Now forgive me, but I really should speak with Kanaya.  
TG: no wait i like need more advice  
TT: Dave, I have given you all the advice I can.  
TT: Sorry that your relationship is not my main concern in such a trying time. 

tentacleTherapist [TT]  ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

ectoBiologist [EB]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] 

EB: dude can you like  
EB: stop making gay jokes about me?  
EB: especially in group chats!  
TG: lol are you worried itll give vris the wrong idea  
EB: no  
TG: then whats the big deal  
TG: its all in good fun im just giving you shit  
EB: because i’m not gay!  
TG: you never know  
TG: were still young  
EB: look, just because you’re waffling over your sexuality doesn’t mean we all are  
TG: im not waffling over anything  
EB: then how come you won’t just call karkat your boyfriend?  
TG: that has nothing to do with anything  
TG: what the fuck do you even know  
EB: i think you’re afraid  
TG: bullshit  
TG: why are you making it out to be a bad thing anyway  
TG: theres nothing wrong with being gay  
EB: you know i know that  
EB: but i’m not gay  
EB: maybe you thought i was at one point or even wish i am but i’m not  
TG: whoa  
TG: low blow dude  
TG: i told you a secret in confidence  
TG: not so you could use it against me in a bullshit argument  
TG: whatever this is so fucking stupid  
TG: cant handle a joke  
EB: why’re you such a pain in the ass?   
TG: cause i top 

turntechGodhead [TG] is now offline!

Argh, why was Dave just so _terrible_ at feelings? Now it wasn’t just Karkat, it was John, too. Maybe he needed to leave the gay jokes alone, but John always acting like it would be this terrible thing if he ended up gay just made Dave so _angry._ And then using Dave’s crush on him against him? Whatever. Forget John. He was more worried about Karkat. Dave knew he’d wedged his foot so far into his mouth it was sticking back out his ass. Rose…was right. He needed to make a gesture without convering up feelings by claiming things were too complicated, or making a bunch of dumb jokes. Why was it so hard to feel secure in his sexuality? Moreover, in his masculinity. The realy problem was feeling like it wasn’t _manly_ to like boys. But Dave wasn’t being fair to himself, _or_ Karkat, by continuing to fuck around. The very least he could do was show up to the funeral.

Dave wasn’t just there for Karkat; Solomon had always shown kindness and caring when Dave was over there. He kind of let the guilt eat at him for a while, for not having taken more time to get to know Karkat’s dad personally. That was a relationship he would have loved to foster more, especially if… and as of now, this was a big if… if he and Karkat were going to be a thing. A couple, Dave mentally corrected himself. He sat quietly, listening to all the speakers, and being wildly aware that Rose, Karkat, and John were all pretty annoyed with him at the moment. That was more isolating than anything. Still, John was the one who came to Dave after the ceremony. Dave was standing with Karkat, still struggling to find the right words, when John approached them.  
“Hey,” John said, putting a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. Nobody said anything for a bit, and then John and Karkat hugged. Dave felt a pit in his stomach as he saw Karkat cry for the first time. _He_ should be the shoulder for Karkat to cry on. Fuck. After a moment, Karkat broke his and John’s hug.  
”Are you, uh, coming to the reception?” Karkat asked John.  
“Um…no, sorry. Jade and I have to catch the bus.”  
“Oh. That’s fine,” Karkat said. He shot Dave a quick look, then headed back to his family. Dave felt close to tears himself. Then John turned towards Dave, and the two of them spoke at the same time.  
“Sorry about—”  
“Dave, I’m—”  
They were silent for another moment, and then John smiled a bit. “Sory, Dave. It was a dick move for me to… to bring that up in an argument.”  
“Yeah, but I was being a douche. You were trying to tell me something and I disregarded it.”  
“Don’t even worry about it. It was a stupid fight.” John paused for a moment, looking after the direction Karkat had gone in. “Shouldn’t you be going with Karkat?  
“Man… he’s moody as fuck right now.”  
“Of course he is, dude! His dad just died!” Dave couldn’t figure out how to respond to that. John was right, of course, but as usual, Dave couldn’t find the words. “Dave… Karkat needs you. What is even going on with you two?”  
“I don’t know… maybe you were right about me being scared. I’ve never… really dated anyone. Like, yeah, I’m charming as shit but I’ve never gotten this far, and I guess… I don’t know. It’s kind of emasculating for me to be with another guy.”  
“Is that what this whole mess has been about?”  
“I mean… yeah. There was this whole shit with Terezi, too, and Karkles got all jealous but it was just… she was going through some shit she confided in me and I couldn’t tell Karkat what was really going on. He’s probably… over that by now. But, yeah, all that stuff Bro used to tell me about being a man and… whatever… it’s still stuck in my head. It’s really fucking with me.”  
“Oh man. Dave, if you care about Karkat you should just be with him already. Who cares? It’s not like you have to become that gay stereotype and act all effeminate. Gender roles are bullshit anyway.” Dave leaned against a chair. He knew John was right. After all, it was the same stuff he’d been telling himself for a while, but somehow hearing it from someone else was helpful. Like he’d been afraid of other people, namely his friends, judging him, and hearing it from John that it wouldn’t changed things was massively reassuring. “At the very least, just talk to him. He’s probably been freaking the fuck out. You know how that kid is with romance.”  
“Yeah… I guess I will. Maybe he and I can finally set the record straight. In a manner of speaking. Sorry I got all bent out of shape about it the other day.”  
“Like I said, don’t worry about it.”  
“You’re actually a hella good wingman.”  
“Fuck, if you say so,” John said.

It still took some time before Dave felt ready to face Karkat, but before he went, he made a stop. Maybe flowers were over the top, but Karkat deserved over the top. Dave had run him through the ringer. When Karkat answered the door, all Dave heard from the other side of the gigantic bundle of flowers was, “oh no, not another one. Get this shit out of here! Do you really think this is what—” And then Dave revealed himself. “Dave? What the shit are you doing here?”  
“Wanted to…apologize.”  
“Don’t act like you cared about my father.”  
“Dude, I met your dad. Your dad was cool. But that’s not what I meant. I mean, yeah, sorry about that, it sucks and all, worse than a vacuum cleaner sucks up all the little carpet fibers and gets stuck to the floor. But… I meant about the relationship junk.”  
“Oh… that…” Karkat said, kicking at the floor a bit. “Come in.” Dave stepped over the threshold and basically shoved the flowers into Karkat’s hands, before he lost his nerve. “So…you ready to tell me what the fuck happened?” Karkat griped from the kitchen.  
Dave let out a long sigh and let himself fall onto the couch. “I know I was a huge wishy-washy pain in the ass. I’m… still trying to deal with some shit. But. I want to be… a thing. With you.”  
Dave glanced over as Karkat dropped the flowers in surprise. Karkat looked up at him, eyes and mouth all gaping wide. “You…want to be boyfriends. Do you really think right now is the best time for that?”  
“You said to talk to you when I was ready to explain; well, I’m ready to explain,” Dave said, still hearing the hesitance in his own voice. “And… to answer that question, yes. Er…no…I mean. I want to date you. And I want you to date me. I want us to not date other people.”  
“Yeah, shitlips, that’s what being boyfriends means.”  
“Okay, no, I mean, look. I don’t handle affection well, especially publicly. But I want to get better, because I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am. My bro seriously fucked me up, and it’s like, I gotta be manly, and tough, and… fuck, do you know how exhausting that is? Like yeah it’s chill to not be straight in theory, but when I try to actually do things… it’s all this toxic masculinity and shit that Rose used to say that I thought was a bunch of bullshit, but it’s real, and it’s in my head and I know I let it get to me and I fucked up. Cause Karkat, I gotta be honest, I liked you the first time I saw you. That day on the beach. And this entire thing has been the person I want to be fighting the person I thought I was supposed to be. So, I didn’t want to hold hands in public, I didn’t want to do all that fluffy shit, and putting a label on us really freaked me out. But I want to make this work, because I do… really like you, and I hate this shit, and I know I’m absolutely rambling right now but I had to get this out there, once I understood what was happening. So, if you want to give me another chance, maybe we can, like, ease into things? In public, anyway. I’m all for the makeouts behind closed doors. Because it was never that I didn’t like you or you weren’t good enough. I just didn’t know how to handle my own feelings.”  
Karkat’s eyes studied Dave’s, and what was a quiet moment felt like an eternity of silence. Dave wouldn’t blame Karkat for telling him to just get fucked, but he hated the waiting. Finally, Karkat said something. “Look, you know I’m dealing with a lot of shit right now too.”  
“Of course you are. Your dad just died.”  
“Well, Dave, I… still like you. I never stopped liking you. I was just put out for a while. But now that I know why…well…okay.”  
“Okay?”  
“Okay. I want you to be comfortable. No titles until you want it. Not too much PDA. We can work our shit out together.”  
“So…”  
“So we’re dating now. And you can start by holding my hand.” Dave did, and it was so wonderful to see Karkat happy again that he couldn’t resist. He slid his shades up into his hair, moved close, and kissed Karkat Vantas.


	15. Graduation

Graduation didn’t feel like a big deal. It wasn’t like that much was changing. Dirk’s grades had always been fine, so the whole thing was more for the tradition than anything. Dirk knew that he couldn’t leave home; not yet, so he signed up for classes at the community college so he could go while Dave was in school, and then he’d run his websites and projects in the evening. Dave was just happy to be there, watching from the stands with Roxy and Rose and all the other people and families they’d gotten integrated into. Actually, their group ended up rather big, as Rose, Roxy, and Roxy’s girlfriend Calliope were all sitting with the Maryams, who were joined shortly by the Vantas-Leijon squad. Karkat had been in a better mood in the last couple months, which was remarkable considering everything he’d had to deal with, and even when he was down, Dave was at his side.  
“Hey,” Dave said, grinning as Karkat came to sit next to him.  
“Hey you,” Karkat said, taking hold of Dave’s hand. As they watched the ceremony, Karkat rest his head on Dave’s shouder. And that was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao so there were a couple conversations from other parts that I completely missed. I went back and added them but I don't think them missing takes too much away from the story.  
> anyway im working on the makaras now but honestly fuck gamzee


End file.
